Our First Fight

[mhowe]

On a lighter note....anyone else notice how the ex's girlfriend didn't show up like she was supposed to? I bet they had this very same fight

 

Never thought of that! Probably very true!!!!!

[csr14]

Yeah it was about me, just when he went into her room to check on her when I didn't hear her yell for me she started freaking out because she wanted me and that was kind of icing on the cake for him, the look on his face after that just made me sad, and getting upset bc he didn't know how to communicate his feelings to me wasn't the right way to go about it. Although I'm only 24 I have been a mother for almost 5 years and that has had a great deal to do with my mental age, relationship wise however I've never made a relationship work longer than 4 years so I'm still a newbie.

 

True story.... haha

[mhowe]

Yeah it was about me, just when he went into her room to check on her when I didn't hear her yell for me she started freaking out because she wanted me and that was kind of icing on the cake for him, the look on his face after that just made me sad, and getting upset bc he didn't know how to communicate his feelings to me wasn't the right way to go about it. Although I'm only 24 I have been a mother for almost 5 years and that has had a great deal to do with my mental age, relationship wise however I've never made a relationship work longer than 4 years so I'm still a newbie.

 

True story.... haha

 

You'll be fine. He sounds like a great guy ---just don't run to the extremes when you argue. It's never all or nothing.

[csr14]

This has been my first fight in a year with a man and obviously I didn't do it very well a year ago because my marriage ended lol or I did it really well, whichever way you wanna think of it.

[csr14]

in all honestly i was getting kinda pissed off on here at first but now i feel better so i guess it worked haha

[iamblaze]

My heart goes out to Anna. So much drama for her to have witnessed. I won't mention the live-in BF.

[csr14]

My heart goes out to Anna. So much drama for her to have witnessed. I won't mention the live-in BF.

 

I appreciate your concern but Anna is doing just fine, save your opinion for someone else, thanks. If I need parenting criticism I'll go to a parenting forum, my parenting and Anna are doing quite well.

[iamblaze]

Duly noted. I wish your family the very best. Blaze

[mhowe]

in all honestly i was getting kinda pissed off on here at first but now i feel better so i guess it worked haha

 

It's funny -- because we can only see what you write. But we still don't see the story through your eyes necessarily, because the nitty gritty is in the details. So we can see it w/out feeling the anger and anxiety that clouds your own interpretation.

 

Anna has obviously at least 3 adults who love and care about her well being (don't know about the ex's gf). You guys are dealing w/ a lot -- fresh divorce, new relationship, living together, small child and an ex who has to be in the picture.

 

When in doubt, say nothing....and calm down. Breathe -- take a walk w/ Anna.

 

Disagreements will happen. What you need to focus is on finding the common ground as soon as possible.

[csr14]

yeah that's exactly why i came here, i went home last night and everything was good. It was just a rough day for everyone that we all are putting behind us, thanks for the advice!

[prettymommy]

Speaking as a single Mom myself, with an involved child's father, and several years of dating experience since our split....

 

Any man you date will inherently be uncomfortable and not exactly jumping up and down to participate in an event that actively involves you, the child, and the father. It's not to say you can't ask your bf to attend an event, but you should try to be a little more mindful that your bf will view the occasion much differently than you will. Just be happy he is willing to put aside his personal feelings and be there for your child and you- that should be enough.

 

Also, when you are at an event with your bf, your ex, and your child, for me, personally, I would stick to the bf's side, not the ex. Shows him your loyalty and gratitude for him being there, while still also being there for your child. If you are actively involved in something with your ex, while your bf stands off to the side, well, put yourself in his shoes; how you your feel if you were watching your bf and his ex of 1 year do something together while you sit off to the side?

 

I suggest you tread carefully here... from my experience, its a struggle for anyone to enter into a relationship where there is a a child, ex's, etc. I think what kind of threw me was your comment "This is what its going to be like as a step-parent...". You and your bf need to actively talk about his role with your daughter should you two continue dating, b/c you two may have different expectations of what it should be. With that comment, you placed your expectations on him, where as he may feel differently on his involvement with your daughter. Personally, I don't think open houses/parent teacher conferences are a place for bf's or gf's, or even step-parents, but that's just me. You guys are young, and he sounds like a great guy, but you are also asking him to deal with a lot. I would be a little more grateful for all that he does for your daughter, and not expect more than he is willing to give at only 6 months of dating, b/c a lot of other guys his age are not even willing to deal with the responsability and restrictions that come with dating a young mother. So cut him some slack, slow down, and ease up a bit. Forcing him or making him feel bad about things will only push him the opposite direction.