julian19 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 most dumpers want you back when they see you completely happy with your life and finally healed. sometimes, they want you back once you are already happy in the arms of SOMEONE ELSE.. WHY?? Link to comment
DN Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I don't think it is most. But those who do may feel that their ex has now changed into someone happy rather than the way they were when they dumped them. Link to comment
avman Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I don't think it is most either. But some do. I think sometimes it is a case of wanting what we can't/don't have. So now you are attractive to them because you are unavailable. Other times you are now happy and energetic in a new relationship - that type of energy can be very attractive to others. And sometimes they come to the realization that they shouldn't have broken up with you and made a mistake. Link to comment
julian19 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 any other opinions? Link to comment
joshparker Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 explains everything here. Link to comment
FallenAngel26 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Our exes generally fell in love with the person we were. If they dump us, that means what we are is not attractive at all to them, because they see flaws in our behavior or personality. When we get into another relationship or get over a break up without dating someone, we begin to feel attractive again because we improve ourselves after the hard time we had getting over them. Some of our exes, seeing that we respect them by letting them go and the great changes we did in ourselves, begin to feel attracted to us once again. However, sometimes they just want us to pay attention on them but when this happens, we generally don't care about it. This is what I think, dunno if it's true or not but it's all that I know. Link to comment
Emma8 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Because they can see they have lost control over....therefore need to regain it....they can see you are moving on, happy, and doing fine without them. They dont like it. So they come back to see if you are still 'there' - say the right things and then you are back in their arms...they get that control kick and pull away again,knowing they have you right where they want you...... Thats what I think and have experienced ALOT! Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Wanting what you can't have/power. Link to comment
jlsau25 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I had a girl end a brief 2 month relationship with a "let's just be friends" line, which I refused. I took it pretty hard and tried to change her mind. I've since gone no contact for about 2 weeks, but its been eating at me. Is it better in the long run to get in contact and let them know you are cool with everything, or keep no contact and stay a mystery? She blamed bad timing as the primary reason for ending it, so I'd like to keep a door open for an eventual return. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 No contact is like breaking an addiction. You are breaking the bond by detatching. Of course it is hard for the first few weeks/months but its like going cold turkey, the only way to heal. Link to comment
jlsau25 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Yeah, but what works better for bringing them back? No contact or giving the impression you've moved on? Link to comment
Zero71 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I had a girl end a brief 2 month relationship with a "let's just be friends" line, which I refused. I took it pretty hard and tried to change her mind. I've since gone no contact for about 2 weeks, but its been eating at me. Is it better in the long run to get in contact and let them know you are cool with everything, or keep no contact and stay a mystery? She blamed bad timing as the primary reason for ending it, so I'd like to keep a door open for an eventual return. You are much better off with NC. Trust me it would work wonders. When I first put NC in place I felt the same at first. Now that it been a few months I see that this is the best approach. Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Bringing them back - that is up to them. You put it out there, once and if it is meant to be it will come back. Your soulmate does not need to be chased, hounded or literally forced to come back. Your soul mate wants to be with you enough to stay, or come back on their own. Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Dumpers can also feel much better about themselves if they see you doing well. It can relieve them of guilty feelings if they actualy cared about you. Link to comment
lovebre Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 This happened to me once. My ex didn't want to do the long distance thing so he was a jerk to me so I'd break up with him so he wouldn't have to do it. Once I moved away to college, met new people and continued to live my life, he tried to come back. I agree with Emma8, they most likely want that control back. Link to comment
jlsau25 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Why do you see this as the best approach? Because you were able to move on or because they attempted to reconnect, or both? Link to comment
miss_sunshine86 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Well it's win win. If you want them back then the space and time may allow them to miss you. If you want them back but they don't miss you and don't want to come back the space and time will allow you to move on. Either way - you win........ If you were the dumper.... you shouldn't have dumped them in the first place Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 julian, it seems like you're consistently looking for answers to this question, as you've posted about this topic numerous times. Although I could reiterate what previous eNAers have said for years past and come, I'd only be cycling the same ideas around in your head. I implore that you, instead of constantly making new threads, stick to one topic, thread and idea and keep on responding too it. We understand the pain you're being terrorized by right now, but pursuing questions of the origin pertaining too "Why is she doing X, Y and Z?" rather than looking for answers internally (working on yourself) seems to get repetitive after weeks, possibly months of over-analyzing. Right now, being consumed by such thoughts of why and who your ex is with is taking its toll on your mental health. Don't you think a better, more logical solution lies within working towards concrete goals based on personal growth? The amount of time and effort that's being tossed your ex's way (whether it's noticeable or not) will only further the agony you're feeling right now. Trust that time and work (on your self-image and dignity) will only enforce your healing process. What, exactly, is the story that's bent you backwards like this? Link to comment
julian19 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 aw.. sorry for the double post... anyway its just, this is the only site that i usually go on to,, since i closed every social networking site account that i have Link to comment
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