TRUTH: "they want you back once they see you are doing good without them"

[julian19]

my ex contacted me after 2 months when she saw that im doing good without her. she was giving mixed signals to me and then when she founds out that im still pinning for her, she ignored me again.

 

1.) why do they want u back once they see you are doing ok without them?

 

2.) is it because of ego boost or because they still have feelings for you?

[charity]

in this case its an ego boost. she needed to make sure that you weren't over her so quickly.

[jillianjayde]

Narcissists have this idea that when they break up with you, your life is going to fall to total disrepair and you are going to miserable and alone. When they then see that you are happy and doing well, they like to stomp back into your life to prove to themselves that you still miss them and need them so that they can leave again and watch you fall to pieces the way "you should have" the first time around. It's a game to them to feel good about themselves. You are clearly better off without someone like this and were making positive steps towards being happy outside of the relationship; don't like this sidetrack you.

[markie6]

Often it is done to boost their ego , and to dent yours

[Emma8]

If they ignore you once realising you are actually still struggling then its def an ego boost.

 

Sometimes, they can see you doing well, see the person they fell in love with initially and may realise they have made a mistake, and want you back. If its genuine they wont back off again when they know you are still hurt, they will be wanting to try again, we all make mistakes.

 

BUT your ex sounds like she needs an ego boost as sad as it is, otherwise she wouldnt ignore you again.....my ex has done this many times. Just want to know you are still feeling worse than them, which sounds sick, but some people unfortunately need that to feel better about themselves....

[solidbunker]

Thats why once broken up and they reinitiate contact you take it slowly.

Nobody wants a free ride.We tend to think when we pay a lot we are getting the best thing.Sick but true.

The mistake you committed was to place first her wishes above what you want/need.Big mistake.

All my ex's got back but I never opened the door at first sign,let them knock harder on the door.But I was polite always.

Love is a game and you need to know the rules before playing it.

Read your partners character and save yourself trouble.

[italiannmf24]

When they see that you're doing well without them, they don't have validation from you. She reached out to you simply to convince herself that she still had you on a string - which she did - and once she got her validation, she's no longer interested. You see, by not giving her the validation of her knowing that she had you (No Contact, doing well without her, moving on) she suddenly felt the, "Oh God, where'd he go?" feeling and started snooping around.

 

Be willing to move on, man. Even if she reaches out to you and it's irrelevant, remain silent. You have the idea in your head that you need to show her some sort of sign that you're still pinning over her so she'll come back. One thing women aren't attracted too is self-pity. Don't use sympathy as a tool of getting your ex back or attempting to spike interest from her. It simply doesn't work and if it does, it'll be for the short-term (a week to a month of reconciliation).

 

So to answer your question, yes, they want you back (sometimes, if ever) when they notice that they're not the main frame of your life anymore. Keep moving forward and don't allow her to step all over your emotions. Remain silent until further notice and keep yourself distant from her. Honestly, once real time starts passing and you stop focusing all your energy on the "What ifs", you'll start to see massive attitude changes towards life. Hold out on not talking to her and remove the belief that you need too from your head.

[OldSoul86]

I have to echo what italian said. Be strong and do not contact her back. She broke your heart and is only now reaching out, it is purely out of selfishness. If she wanted to get back together with you she would state it explicitly. Do not play into her silly little game anymore julian. If deep down in your heart you know that you want to move on with your life you need to trust your instincts and do it.

[kuteknish]

I don't think this statement is true.

[Notagoodninja]

Narcissists have this idea that when they break up with you, your life is going to fall to total disrepair and you are going to miserable and alone. When they then see that you are happy and doing well, they like to stomp back into your life to prove to themselves that you still miss them and need them so that they can leave again and watch you fall to pieces the way "you should have" the first time around. It's a game to them to feel good about themselves. You are clearly better off without someone like this and were making positive steps towards being happy outside of the relationship; don't like this sidetrack you.

 

Well said...