imsuperman Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Hi all, A friend I've known since high school, (he's two years older) is having a Bachelor Party on the 14th. I've only been to one wedding and reception in my life, and it was for a second cousin I don't know. The groomsmen are going to be myself, his former roommate from college who I haven't seen in at least 4 years, and the best man is going to be a guy I don't really know. My concern is that I don't drink alcohol. I've only tried single sips of whiskey, wine, and beer. In my whole life, I've never drank a full can, glass, or bottle of alcohol. This, in the US, for someone my age, is extremely rare. I guess I do it because I don't think it's good for you, but I don't in any way look down on people that drink. My concern is always that my decision not to drink makes me look a buzzkill/wet blanket/holier than thou/girly guy, which is not at all my intention. The best man ,who I don't know, called yesterday (got my number from the groom) to see if I had any ideas for that night, and I told him I really didn't know and just assumed we'd kind of play it by ear. The groom is planning out getting a hotel so they can sleep it off, but I'll probably cut out a little before then as I have difficulty sleeping anywhere but my own bed for one (the first) night. I don't know if the best man and former roommate know I don't drink, but the groom obviously does. I will certainly offer to be the designated driver. I've seen the groom and his roommate drunk before, and the bad thing is that on one occasion the groom made it awkward by asking if I was having fun etc when we were at a bar before a basketball game. This made me feel awkward, but maybe I wasn't smiling/talking enough. The night will involve a lot of bar-hopping and maybe a strip club. I've also never been to a strip club, so that will be interesting/funny, lol. Any tips on how I can still go, leave a little early, and not be a downer? Link to comment
gingerlemon Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I don't drink, either, so I see where you're coming from. I the situation you're describing, I'm guessing they'll be very happy to have a driver so you'll probably score some points that way. Beyond that, just be active and focus on enjoying yourself. If people ask about your lack of drinking, just answer something really brief like 'oh I just never got into liking alcohol' and change the subject. The less attention you give it yourself, the less they will pay attention to it, too. At the end of the day, them being worried about someone not drinking is kind of their problem, not yours Link to comment
cbrfxr67 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Not a drinker here either. I've been around people who are having a good time and drinking and it doesn't bother me. I just don't drink and won't when people try to get me to. I'd just go and have a good time and not worry about it. Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I do drink from time to time but sometimes I just don't feel like it. To be honest, I've never really had a problem as long as you order a cola or whatever. There is really no way for someone to tell if you are drinking cola or rum and coke, for example, unless they hear you order it. And at that... just say "no thanks. I'm not really a drinker". I had a girlfriend who didn't drink and used to come clubbing with us every weekend. She was AWESOME! Permanent designated driver! You are only a downer if you look around bored, act restless, look down on others, don't laugh at jokes, etc. But if you are upbeat and joyful? No one knows or cares what's in your glass. Just be DD and at the end of the night wish them well, tell them to have fun and tell them you are heading home. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal... Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I'm not a big drinker. I'm 25 and can count the number of times I have been drunk on one hand. I didn't start drinking until I was 21, and now I will every so often have a beer or a glass of wine at the end of the day. I don't like getting drunk, I used to like getting a little tipsy but its lost its charm the older I get. Offer to be DD, and just be chatty and friendly as the night goes on. As for leaving early I would just explain that to the groom ahead of time so you not just dropping it on them during the party. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I would highly doubt you're going to find anything enjoyable about being in a strib club sober. I would just smile, be nice, tolerate it and bow out early. No need to be the designated driver - that's a sure way to have to stick around late. Everyone will be hung over the next day and not remember much anyway. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Be DD and have fun watching your friends look like a fool. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Be DD and have fun watching your friends look like a fool. And if you have a smart phone catch some videos of it! Good for a laugh afterwards. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 And if you have a smart phone catch some videos of it! Good for a laugh afterwards. Oh yeah I'm feeling you Moontiger. Hangover 2 1/2.. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 I would highly doubt you're going to find anything enjoyable about being in a strib club sober. I would just smile, be nice, tolerate it and bow out early. No need to be the designated driver - that's a sure way to have to stick around late. Everyone will be hung over the next day and not remember much anyway. This is true. That's kind of the part I'm dreading. Not drinking in a strip club will look out of place and just be awkward, especially if we get a private room thing, which would be REAL awkward.:stupid: The groom is Christian and goes to church, so I was hoping we could avoid that bit, but he's been to strip clubs before with the best man once or twice, I believe. He just went for the novelty of it. I'm just trying to think how to plan it all out. I agree that it's a good idea to let the groom know ahead of time that I probably won't stay the whole time. I can drive earlier in the night, and the best man mentioned grabbing a cab anyway, so hopefully they can just do that. Link to comment
gingerlemon Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 This is true. That's kind of the part I'm dreading. Not drinking in a strip club will look out of place and just be awkward. The groom is Christian and goes to church, so I was hoping we could avoid that bit, but he's been to strip clubs before with the best man once or twice, I believe. He just went for the novelty of it. I'm just trying to think how to plan it all out. I agree that it's a good idea to let the groom know ahead of time that I probably won't stay the whole time. I can drive earlier in the night, and the best man mentioned grabbing a cab anyway, so hopefully they can just do that. I don't think you should worry about how it looks. Firstly, people probably won't notice. But if you really want, you can buy a drink that looks alcoholic, such as a non alcoholic beer or a drink looking thing with mixed juices. I often do that (not to appear as if I'm drinking, but because I like them - but I often have people assume that I'm drinking alcohol in those situations). And then you're main task is just to survive the proceedings in a sober state Finding a way of opting out early sounds very smart. IME, getting anything out of a group of drunk people when you're sober kind of stops around midnight. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Just a question, since you have known the groom for awhile, is he aware you don't drink? If so then the only thing to worry about is the other guys there who don't know you very well and might ask about it. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Just a question, since you have known the groom for awhile, is he aware you don't drink? If so then the only thing to worry about is the other guys there who don't know you very well and might ask about it. Yes, he knows. He even joked that the wedding gift he got us, a shot glass with our initials, would be lost on me. I told him I'd have a sip of champagne during the toast at the wedding for sure, though. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yes, he knows. He even joked that the wedding gift he got us, a shot glass with our initials, would be lost on me. I told him I'd have a sip of champagne during the toast at the wedding for sure, though. I think you have nothing to worry about as long as the other guys are not asshats. Though, some people when they start drinking try to push others to drink. Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Well... now I think this post has gone too far. Personally, I don't think you are a wet blanket if you don't drink. I DO think you are a wet blanket if you go, refuse to go to the strip club because you think you'll be out of place, refuse to sleep at the hotel because you won't get a good night's sleep (umm... neither will anyone else), refuse to be DD because you don't want to stay out that late AND leave early. It's not about what's in your glass - it's about all the other stuff in and around the night that you are refusing to participate in under the guise of "I don't drink". THAT is the part that makes you a wet blanket, in my opinion. Personally - that's the stuff that I think you should suck up if you are in the wedding party. How many close friends like that do you have? It's one night. You won't die of awkwardness or lack of sleep. I would think for that one special occasion you could make an exception. Just to be clear about what makes a wet blanket... (to me) EDITED To Say: If you don't want to do the whole boozy night/strip club thing and the best man is asking for your opinion... what do YOU do for fun? Do you like to paintball? Play poker? The way things sound right now, it doesn't look like you want to participate in any of the activities of the evening. So... why not plan an evening that you would enjoy? How about starting the day with paintball? Or starting with a poker night? At least then when you bail you will have participated in SOMETHING. I think the way you are going about it is bad. You are allowing other people to plan something and are pre-coming up with excuses not to participate and leave early. If your opinion is being asked... why not give it? Instead you are saying "play it by ear" - but you don't like what would naturally happen... Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Right. That's why I'm not sure what to do. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Right. That's why I'm not sure what to do. If I were you, I would just pop in for an hour at one of the places and then take off. If he's your friend, he'll understand none of this stuff interests you. I couldn't stand spending hours doing things I don't like for anyone nor would I expect that from anyone else, let alone a friend. However, you don't know how he feels, so I think you need to decide if suffering through a night of activities, all of which will be unpleasant for you, is worth possibly upsetting him. Sometimes you need to endure one completely crappy night for the sake of a friend. Link to comment
superfox Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Haha. I'm agnostic, but I can't fathom how someone who says they are Christian and goes to church is going to a strip club - in what universe would the church be ok with this? Funny! My bf and his mates are hard drinking atheists but I know for sure they wouldn't feel morally happy in a strip club! I kind of agree with the wet blanket post but also feel for your worries. A paintball session early on or some kind of 'male bonding' sport like quad biking is an excellent idea then you could bow out early. Don't do things because you feel obliged to. Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Right. That's why I'm not sure what to do. Sorry... posted at the same time. See my edit. Since you are being asked your opinion - provide it! Make an evening you will participate in, like paintball. Then, if they want to drink afterwards, fine... but at least you participated in something. BTW - participation in all of those things (strip club, hotel, etc) does not require alcohol. That's all in your head. See what others are saying re: making fun of your friends, taping them to show them how silly they are, rolling your eyes, etc. Like I mentionned, I had a girlfriend who didn't drink but used to go clubbing with us every weekend. She just found other things pleasant about the night. She talked to us, took pictures, made fun of us, danced, egged us on, etc. You can do all of those things without a drop of alcohol. You are choosing not to. Instead of saying "I don't drink", you should really say "I don't like to party" - because that is more accurate... Link to comment
superfox Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Oh and I disagree with being the sober one with the smart phone photos! There might not be a wedding if they got out! Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 If I were you, I would just pop in for an hour at one of the places and then take off. If he's your friend, he'll understand none of this stuff interests you. I couldn't stand spending hours doing things I don't like for anyone nor would I expect that from anyone else, let alone a friend. However, you don't know how he feels, so I think you need to decide if suffering through a night of activities, all of which will be unpleasant for you, is worth possibly upsetting him. Sometimes you need to endure one completely crappy night for the sake of a friend. I agree. I'm thinking doing what RD said is a good idea. If I stay at the hotel and go to the strip clubs and whatnot, it won't really kill me. Funny! My bf and his mates are hard drinking atheists but I know for sure they wouldn't feel morally happy in a strip club! I kind of agree with the wet blanket post but also feel for your worries. A paintball session early on or some kind of 'male bonding' sport like quad biking is an excellent idea then you could bow out early. Don't do things because you feel obliged to. May be tough though, the former roommate is flying in for another state at some point, but I see what you mean. Something like that maybe? Sorry... posted at the same time. See my edit. Since you are being asked your opinion - provide it! Make an evening you will participate in, like paintball. Then, if they want to drink afterwards, fine... but at least you participated in something. BTW - participation in all of those things (strip club, hotel, etc) does not require alcohol. That's all in your head. See what others are saying re: making fun of your friends, taping them to show them how silly they are, rolling your eyes, etc. Like I mentionned, I had a girlfriend who didn't drink but used to go clubbing with us every weekend. She just found other things pleasant about the night. She talked to us, took pictures, made fun of us, danced, egged us on, etc. You can do all of those things without a drop of alcohol. You are choosing not to. I agree. I could definitely do that. I want to go and have a good time with those guys, it's not that I don't. I see what you're saying. The bad thing is the groom said it could start as early as 4 PM and go til like 3 AM. So ti could be REALLLLY long. That's the thing. If it started at 9 or 10 and went for 4 or 5 hours, I wouldn't care a bit. Maybe I'll just suck it up, I don't know. I have to think on it. Link to comment
falldownkid Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Suck it up. Your friend asked you to be a groomsman, which means he values your friendship. Sitting in a few bars and strip clubs with a glass of Coke, laughing and having a good time isn't too much to ask. Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 It's this Saturday. We'll see what happens! Link to comment
imsuperman Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 We're meeting at the groom's place in a little over three hours. Who know what will happen, lol. I haven't heard any more talk of strip clubs in tonight's plans, so that might be out. The groom/his fiance might have said no. Link to comment
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