How do I snap out of it?

[Duderanomi]

My ex-girlfriend dumped me nearly 4 months ago, we'd been going out for nearly 2 years. Anyhow, we tried being friends after she dumped me, but since she had no feelings for me and I still did, it made things really hard.

 

Now, I know there's no chance of getting her back, and I've tried everything to make that happen. In my mind, I'm 100% sure she doesn't want me anymore, but I just can't seem to let go emotionally.

 

If I'm not busy for one second, I'll start thinking about her. The emotions arising from that will range from anger, to jealousy, to sadness, and sometimes happiness from certain memories with her.

 

I'm just wondering how I can mentally know there's no hope, and still have my heart holding on for dear life. I mean, the girl is practically terrified of seeing me, and she'll barely talk to me anymore on the phone or the net, so it's obvious she doesn't want anything to do with me, yet the rejection just doesn't seem to phase the love I still have for her.

 

Obviously this is hurting a lot, I don't believe I've ever had to go through so much grief, and I doubt someone could give me a magic recipe to get over her either, so once again I guess I'm just venting.

 

It'd be at least one step towards understanding how to quit torturing myself like this if someone could explain why I'm doing it I guess, must be why I'm bothering to post.

 

Anyhow, if you guys need more details, I'll be checking up on this thread. No idea what else I should be saying.

[Tpysl]

Hop in the car with me bro, we're going on the same ride

 

You're correct in that there is no magic recipe. Don't expect things to get better, don't expect things to get worse. Just take things apathetically from here on if you can. Go play your favorite game or sit and hug your favorite stuffed animal while watching tv. It's the only two things helping me right now. Relationships really do suck

[syntheticMagic]

I don't know that my words will assist in any way, but know that you are not alone.

 

I too have the same situation. A woman I loved deeper than anyone, turned everything around, all the things I did for her, despite our seeming separation, ..she turned backstabbed, and she hated me... or rather does. Doesnt care, doesnt anything....

 

Yet,... without action in my life, i still think of her, the same spectrum of feelings i too go through. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is working out.. alot! sometimes 3 times a day.

 

Acceptance is something we wish we could do, but we dont do we. Not internally anyway. I dont know.. just try and stay busy... I tried the screwing of many other women, and it simply made me feel worse.. but there IS a truth to ... the Best way to get over someone, is to Find someone else. Someone else you like alot... it seems impossible, and i wont say it worked for me.. but ....

 

Just know you arent alone man. The whole thing sucks to high heavens!

 

n

[LostWithoutYou]

I too are in the same situations as you...I wish the feeling would go away. My mind wants to move on but my heart is full of my ex.

[Duderanomi]

Wow, it seems a lot of us are going through this and none of us are coping too well.

 

This doesn't look too promising.

[lunatic]

No one ever said breaking up was easy. I mean when we allow ourselves to fall in love we basically open up to be hurt. So then with that said you must try to respect her wishes and back off.

 

Then keep yourself so busy that there is little time to think about her. I would go out with friends and join a gym. Keeping busy is the best thing to do when you feel that down.

 

Do know that it does get better with time and I know that does not make it better but, it will someday.

 

Hubman 8)

[StrawTink]

hi, i am a girl and im going through the same thing. My best friend who was also my boyfriend. decided after a year and a half almost that WE DIDNT get along. how could that be the case when obviously we did at one point. We started fighting over small stuff and from there we just kept fighting. i wish i could go back and change my choices. I can't and i also cant change the fact that my period is three weeks late. He is now talking to other girls who obviously make him happy. And we will never get back together. How do you deal? you cry you mope you cry some more you hope beyond all hope that they will see that it wasnt you who was at fault but them. you hope that they will change their ways and be that person who makes things work. And then you one day realise that it must be them who sees this no matter how long that may take. But, also know that if they really loved you it will happen. They just have to love you more than they love the pride they carry around. its all about the ego and their willingness to accept their mistakes. Let's all hope that love will take over and do the right thing.

[ogie764]

Hi there, I was given the best advice by a pschology professor. He said, "It's gonna hurt like a mother *CENSORED BY MODERATOR*. It's gonna hurt for a *CENSORED BY MODERATOR* long time. But the cliche "Time heals all wounds" really is true. Things WILL be better. Just let yourself feel what you're feeling, but don't dwell on your emotions." When you start doing alot of things to get your mind off of them, you may begin to feel numb and get a sense of surrealism, but just remember that even if you got totally screwed over and it was the most heart breaking break up ever, you've got a clean slate that you can fill with whatever you want. Another cliche is that the choices we make now depict the life we lead. So if you want to dwell on your misery and the lack of the other person's misery, then good luck getting over this person! I was dumped just this week, but I realize that love is blind and I'm better off. That's my own individual situation though. We'd been together for a year and a half and I never realized until he dumped me that he didn't value my time and we were on completely different intellectual planes. I'm going through the numbness right now, and I'm sure I'll go through more and more emotions, but, I know I'll get through this, and that eventually I'll stop thinking about him. My advice I suppose is to realize what I've realized, and obsessing only hurts yourself. I doubt the person who dumped you is having such problems, so screw them.

[Duderanomi]

I doubt the person who dumped you is having such problems, so screw them.

 

I love that.

 

I know everything you said is true ogie764, and I've been dumped before so I do have the experience of how to deal with it (Although I was never very good at it). The problem for me right now lies in the fact that I've never even met someone who could come close to what my ex is. Any little thing I would want in a person, she had.

 

And don't think I'm saying that because she is those things and I want her, I'd dreamed about a girl like that since I was 11 or so, and now she's gone because I screwed up, I didn't know what I had.

 

To add to the problems, I realized how I was screwing up about a week before she dumped me. I was cleaning up my act when she decided she'd had enough.

 

*PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR* happens, unfortunately, it all happens to me.

[Clarabelle]

Ypu said it best yourself - if you're not busy all the time, it starts to sink again. Keep yourself busy with uplifting things so that when you do have those moments of downtime, you are less likely to sink into despair.

[Duderanomi]

alright, in case you guys need an update. I'm thinking about her less and less now that we don't talk anymore.

 

Every few hours I'll get the urge to call her but I don't. She wanted her space so she'll have it.

 

Deep down I keep thinking I'll just find out she hooked up with someone else and it'll just rip the wound open again, so I think NC is the best idea at the moment.

 

Of course, she reads this forum so she knows my master.

 

Ah well. As long as I get better, that's the important part. If I somehow regain emotional stability, who knows, we might be friends again.

[JohnnyTable]

For me knowing that my gf was with somebody else spring boarded me to the path of recovery. Otherwise I would be stuck in hope mode.