If they are with someone else - MOVE ON

[herewegoagain]

It's been about 7 weeks since my ex gf broke up with me and immediately went to another guy. I have been hoping and praying for her return, but obviously, she does not want anything to do with me.

 

I've wasted the last 7 weeks thinking about her everyday, and almost every minute of the day. I've been working out and meeting new women, but I would always still think of her. And now, I'm sick of it.

 

Today I asked myself - why should I care for her when she obviously can throw 4 1/2 years down the drain and start screwing around with someone else? What the heck has been wrong with me for the last 7 weeks?

 

Advice to all - when they are with someone else right away, and they dumped you, MOVE ON!!! Because they are trash for doing that (especially when they already had someone waiting for them), and it will probably never work. Just leave them be. Obviously, they had other priorities than to be with you, and most of the priorities are selfish ones.

 

I know it's over now, and if she ever wants to talk to me again, it's up to her, but I promise all of you that I would NEVER take her back. At first I would have, and thank God she didn't come back a month ago because I would have taken her back.

 

Also, what made me realize what a miserable person she is is the fact that she has been so cold - never responding to my very few emails, and acting like I was never part of her life.

 

To all - actually by sending a few emails, etc and her not responding, it actually helped me to move on even easier!!!! Maybe this method will not work for some, but it sure helps me move on. When they don't respond (I've only sent a few emails) this shows that they don't even care about you. At least you will know!!!!

 

She is having fun screwing around with this other guy. So be it. I feel sorry for the both of them.

 

So advice to all - MOVE ON - especially when they have someone else. I know it's hard to do, but if they ever come back to you, tell them to leave you alone for good. Give them a taste of their own medicine. It's all about pride - have some!!!

 

Also, so many of you are so young (mid twenties) that you have so much time to find someone better, and you will look back and say - "why the heck did I even care about this person? What was I thinking?"

[hockeyboy]

i agree with you. please do me a favor and when the rollercoaster of emotions starts to go back down..and im sure it will. come on here and read your own post and remind yourself everything you just said.

[herewegoagain]

Hockeyboy - I here what you are saying!! But, I've had this attitude for about a week now, so hopefully it will stick with me for good. I think we all need to realize that deep down, we know that they are no good for us. It's hard to accept, believe me, I know, but we have to try.

 

Also, EXERCISE helps so much!!! I joined the gym recently, and getting in really good shape. also, it's a good place to meet new people.

 

To all of you who do not exercise - DO IT. You will see after only a little time you will look and feel better. Also, when you exercise, it gives you kind of a natural high. TRUST ME - Do it!!! You will get better mentally and physically.

[hockeyboy]

agreed...exercise is exactly the way to go. when my current ex left me i found myself at the bars every night, cause i couldnt be alone. i had to be around people...and my friends wanted to drink. this just drove my depression deeper. but for the last 3 weeks instead of going to the bars ive been working out every night. i go for a solid run and then lift. sometimes by myself sometimes with a friend. and your right...it makes you feel a lot better...keep it up. not to bring you down, but u will have bad days, its natural and normal...so when your feeling down..go work out and do w/e you gotta do to release those feelings

[herewegoagain]

You are right - I know I will have some bad days still. But I (we) know how to deal with it. You have the right attitude about drinking. It does get you more depressed, especially the next day. I usually go out and drink on Friday and/or Saturday. I wish wouldn't, but what the heck else am I supposed to do on a Firday night? I sure do not want to stay home.

 

Like you - I have been lifting and running. It does help.

 

Hockeyboy - I think i remember your story, but are you in a similar situation as me?

[hockeyboy]

yes...i am in a similair position, yet there are differences. she didnt run to another guy, but she has the daughter i miss

[herewegoagain]

that's right - i remember now. Well at least there is still hop for you. whenever they do not go to another person right away, it gives them time to think about things, and evaluate the realtionship. My ex didn't give herself anytime to think. I almost feel sorry for her.

 

Hang in there - there is always hope.

[hockeyboy]

there is no more hope. we are going to see a therapist tonight but i believe its the end of the line. i told her we either need to try to work things out or we need to cut all ties...i think i know whats gonna happen.

[jensus]

herewegoagain, im glad u realized that u were just wasting your time. there's no shame in going through something like this. in fact, you should feel good about yourself on 2 accounts.

 

1. ppl who have to deal with this kinda trash learn how to clean up. better to learn earlier rather than later.

 

2. the guy who's with ur ex is the real loser in this situation. who's to say that she won't do the same to him as she did to you? and he prolly doesn't suspect that..

 

it's good that you're working out bro. anything that gives you confidence is good. so train hard and eat well.

[herewegoagain]

Jensus - thanks for the encouragement. you are so right - her new guy is the loser. She may do the same to him. and you are right - he doesn't even suspect that.

 

I almost feel sorry for him (not really though) because he even knew that she was with me, but still pursued her. I guess they are a good match - they are both trash!!!

[fridolyn]

Herewegoagain: You know we are in the same boat. I wasted 9 months of my life thinking that she might come back. God! What a mistake! . They found someone else so you probably feel some sort of relief. It's hard accepting they are with someone else (especially when the new guy is a friend). But I'm the only one to blame for not having let her go before. Now I know I will never want her back...NEVER. I promise.

 

Why would I want to have her back now when I know they are nicer-better girls waiting? In fact, I've found someone I like very much. She's really something but for now we're just friends...I just hope we'll go beyond the friend stage. I'm scared because if you dont end up together, I'll be extremely disappointed. And I dont want to start all over again...

[LostWithoutYou]

whoa...and I thought I'm the only one thats going through this heartache. My ex and I broken up for 9 months now and til this day I still think about her and hoping and praying that she will come back to me. Just yesterday I found out that she's talking to her new so called guy friends and I'll tell you a ton of bricks just dropped on top of me. I feel like i'm back to square one after 9 months of healing. I don't know what to think and how to feel? I just hope I'll get over this and move on for good!

[herewegoagain]

lostwithoutyou - I can see the pain that it caused you when you found out that she was talking to guy friends. what was good for me (but bad at the time) was that i saw my ex gf out with someone only 2 days after she called it off with me. That kind of helps me to realize - the heck with her.

 

Hang in there. you 'll get better.

[AndrewOZ]

My ex of 3 1/2 years left me for her new man, and I only just found out that she was cheating on me too! Some women just have no respect, and/or sense of compassion.

What kind of morals does a guy have to take a girl off her long-term boyfriend. I think youd hafta be a pretty low person to do something like that, and the ex will find that out one day. They are just too caught up in the short-term fun they could have, and dont realise that long-term it probly wont work, and that they are also hurting someone ALOT in the process.

[crisisback]

I totally understand you on this one. I found out my ex was already dating someone right after we broke up.. a day or two. It totally crushed me at the time, but it has really helped me heal better. I've realized, that if somebody is going to do this to you, they really aren't worth the grief... Like the man says, have some pride in yourselves. Don't take back something that treated you horribly in the first place. It's their loss, we would have done anything for these people and they take that offer of kindness and spit it back in our faces. If they have moved on, there is no reason you shouldn't. Forget about the person, it's hard, but it has to happen.

 

Exercise really does help. Gain back your lost confidence. Go out and live your life, dont' dwell on a person who isn't worth your time.

[sm]

That's the attitude I crave, thats what I want. i know I need to move on but it's only been a week and my ex is constantly in my thoughts. She did EXACTLY to me what your's did to you so I can relate to what you're saying.

 

I know I don't want to be with her now but I still miss her. I miss the good times we shared but she messed me about big time and really messed with my head. Telling me she loved me when she was messing about with him. She's not worth it though and I will move on.

 

These forums have been a great help for me and I will still visit even after I get through this. I want to give something back.

[herewegoagain]

SM - don't worry - it does get better. I still miss my ex but I know I will never take her back. Yes, I do miss the times we share with my ex the way she USED TO BE. But after what she did, I see her in a different light. I now think of her as a no good piece of garbage who doesn't deserve me. I wish I realized that 5-6 weeks ago!!!

[rich46]

herewegoagain - it is GREAT to hear you are doing well! I haven't been on this site as much as I used to, which I guess could be seen as a sign that I am getting better. But I still read through the messages and I can relate to the way you are feeling. It is like an air of clarity comes over you, and you suddenly see things how they are. I think you have just passed the denial stage, and now you are ready to move on FOR REAL! Good for you!

 

I have kept busy the last 3 or 4 weeks, and I have decided to go backpacking to New Zealand in February. It was a tough decision as I kept having negative thoughts such as What if she wants me back in a few months and I'm on the other side of the world? etc, but you have the right mindset and we must move on FOR US!

 

Our exes are the fools for letting a good thing go. Maybe one day they'll realise that but guess what...it will be too late!!!

 

Take care and like hockeyboy said, keep rereading your post. You will still have periods when you want her back I think, but that's natural so don't dwell on it. Also, read some of your earlier posts and I bet you read them and think...What the hell was I doing back then? I know I did. I was actually shocked at how far I have come in just 2 or 3 months, and I am proud of myself for being strong...you should be too!

 

Stay positive,

 

Rich

[herewegoagain]

Rich - I 've been wondering where you have been lately. I'm glad you are healing, too. I think that is great that you are going backpacking. You and I should definitely not put our lives on hold for our exes.

 

The funny thing is, our exes will probably call us someday when we do not want them anymore, LOL. Like you said, it will be too late! Like I say over and over "what comes around, goes around." I know it's only a cliche', but how true it is.

 

This is also strange - this may sound stupid to you and all, but it seems that in my heart, the tides have changed. I feel kind of weird now that I am in control, and I have this strange feeling that she is not doing well. Probably just the fact that I used to feel sorry for myself while I sat at home and moped around while she was going out with her new guy and having the time of her life. It really doesn't bother me anymore. I've met 3-4 girls in the last month or so, and I'm starting to have fun now!

[Mun]

I have wondered for awhile where all the nice guys are... from the looks of it they are on this forum .

 

You guy just have to keep going... you will be stronger after all this as long as you don't allow yourselves to get bitter. Remember there are still good girls out there who want a good man.

[chai714]

Muneca - Nice guys finish:

 

a) Last

 

b) First

 

c) they don't finish at all.

 

Justify your answer, if possible.

[Mun]

I don't know what you mean by justify. I think nice guys get hurt just like nice girls do.

[rich46]

Muneca - Nice guys finish:

 

a) Last

 

b) First

 

c) they don't finish at all.

 

Justify your answer, if possible.

chai714, why do you analyse things so much? What is wrong with being a 'nice guy?' Muneca was being complimentary, there's no real reason to turn it into a negative! Sure I agree that absolute wusses may get hurt more often than not, but being branded a nice guy is a positive in my book.

 

Muneca, in future will you call me a 'nasty piece of work' when trying to compliment me? Many thanks.

[ddp0109]

i think we should make a club for the ppl going through exactly what we are going through..haha..jk

 

but its good (in a positive way) to see ppl going through the same situations...i find myself sometimes wondering if i was the only one..and your right about jumping from one relationship to the next..so much unwanted baggage that it will be hard to keep things "real" for so long.. i mean it may be good for the first couple of "honeymoon" months but after..ha..just wait and see!...

 

im glad to see everyone is healing in some sort of way...i wish you all the best of luck and i am now going to save this post to my favorites..lol..

[herewegoagain]

ddp - you are right -once their honeymoon phase is over, they will see what it it is like and they will have thier time of pain.