Saudades - an emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or...

[SeattleSigh]

I had an ex-girlfriend who taught me the word saudades. The word basically represents that feeling of nostalgia and longing for past experiences and people that's often accompanied by sadness.

 

What are those little things you did with your ex for which you have saudades? What are those things that make you smile when you think about them but maybe hurt a little because there is a sense of sadness at knowing those things are in the past?

 

I am hoping that this can help us let go of those things. For me at least, I know that I have moments of saudades where I so badly want to reach out to my ex to let her know of the little thing that made me smile, but I can't contact her, so it frustrates me.

 

You may not be able to tell your ex, but you can tell us.

[Musical77]

Looking at the stars - although I no longer feel sad when I do this. We talked a lot about the stars, the universe, etc.

 

Discussing topical things with my family when we get together every Sunday evening for dinner - he loved to talk about and debate everything, as do I. I miss the intellectual discussions we had, the passion about things. I smile because I know what points he would have put accross. Yes - I miss the fact that he wasn't bland, he had opinions!

 

Most of my friends do not relate to me in these respects like he did. I think that's why I missed the friendship so much and it is a big part of why it was so hard to let go. I'm sure this is the same for lots of people here - losing someone who shared your passions and thought like you do. I don't know if we would have been able to have a long-term relationship (with hindsight maybe we were too similar). Had we not become involved romantically I know we would have had a great platonic friendship for life. That gave me great sadness for some time, because it's v difficult to go back to that after all that has happened.

 

I feel immensely grateful that he came into my life and have finally reached a point where I can feel saudades without feeling negative - just wistful. I think it is a beautiful word (-:

[Tranquillo]

I remember that word, havent seen/heard it mentioned for a while.

 

I don't like experiencing suadades so don't often ponder on the little things that are now the past. You can't let go if you're thinking about 'those things that make you smile ' because thinking about it keeps it alive/fresh.

 

@Musical - Awww, that was sweet.

[secondchance67]

Talking in bed after we made love..and then watching her fall asleep..... then in the morning, memorizing every inch of her beautiful face while it got lighter and brighter in our bedroom.....then she would open her eyes....and smile at me without uttering a single word.

 

The bed is empty on her side now.....and I am left with the memory and ghost of her here in this big empty house.

 

call it Suadades.... call it whatever you want....it still hurts.

[TangySour]

Talking in bed after we made love..and then watching her fall asleep..... then in the morning, memorizing every inch of her beautiful face while it got lighter and brighter in our bedroom.....then she would open her eyes....and smile at me without uttering a single word.

 

The bed is empty on her side now.....and I am left with the memory and ghost of her here in this big empty house.

 

call it Suadades.... call it whatever you want....it still hurts.

 

I know exactly how you feel... I am in the exact same situation right now... I hate the fact that the bed is so cold and empty now. I can't fall asleep. So used to have someone there to snuggle up close and spoon or she would be laying on me with her head buried in my neck and chest. She would look up at me and tell me she loved me and then we'd kiss. That feeling is the best thing in the world. Nowadays, I kiss good night by reading ENA forums... I think the **** thing is that she is probably doing just fine at night... Cuddling to her cats...

[90_hour_sleep]

cool word. i like.

 

can't even remember the details of mine. i think i miss the entire experience sometimes. the person. not so much the this and that of it all. but maybe i have no right posting in a thread like this. my sadness isn't intense anymore. just a subtle pull towards something familiar.

[Heidern]

Well your ex must have been Brazilian.

[dumPI]

From a Spanish song:

 

nostalgy is the perfume of things you once loved and now are gone

 

About the things: I surprised myself yesterday (almost 4,5 months post BU & NC) using an expression typical of her. After using it I had this 2 seconds of "what did I say?" ... smiled and continue doing what I was doing ... it was saudades after that!

[SeattleSigh]

No, my ex wasn't from Brazil. She grew up in Olympia, WA. She just had an interest in lanugages and knew the word.

 

It's the memories of my most recent ex that I is causing me moments of saudades. I am doing some post-masters work at the college that we both attended and met at. It just so happens that the building that I am currently working out of is right next to the building where we met and fell in love. I've kind of gotten used to it, but the moments sneak up on me and I remember something I didn't remember before.

[neofinch]

i love you exchanged every night before going to sleep, in person or via txt if we were apart. and then as soon as either of us woke up, contacting the other. the fact her new partner is tweeting things like txt me when you wake to her after a short time together is making it all the more painful. teaches me to avoid looking though.