Sticky situation.

[bloodkip]

I got two versions of my story the long and short. First I'll post the short.

 

Short:

3 years ago I met this single girl we talked and hung out a few times but we felt that we would be better off just as friends. Fast forward to the present I've recently reconnected with this girl we started talking and re-kindled our friendship. I also found out that she is engaged to be married September of this year. The more we started to talk about and get to know each other again the more we found ourselves attracted to each other. One thing leads to another and now she is cheating on her boyfriend with me. She tells me that she wants us to be together but she doesn't want to hurt her current boyfriend. She has since called off their marriage and they have been off and on the past few months.

 

There is just so much between us and we constantly find ourselves madly in love with each other and often talk about what life would be like if we got together. The only thing keeping her from just up and leaving him is because she doesn't want to hurt this guy because he is totally unstable in his life and she doesn't want to feel responsible for anything he may do to harm himself. When they break up he usually does something so horrible to his self to get her attention and to get her to feel sorry for him and crawl back to this guy. What can I say to her to help her get past the fact that she has to hurt him..

 

Long:

3 years ago I was hooked up with this girl through a friend. We had hit things off pretty well and started to date. However at the time I wasn't ready for a relationship and we both felt that we should just be friends. An had lost contact with her a few months later because she met some other guy.

 

October of last year she contacted me out of the blue and we re-kindled our friendship. The more we got to talking over the next few months she would keep saying things like "Why couldn't things have been different between us", "I've always wondered where our relationship would be if we stayed together", and "what are my feelings for her right now". I usually tell her that I've always wondered what if we had stayed together.

 

January things started to heat up between us. She would constantly say lets run away together, ask me if would be interested in some NSA sex, and constantly talk about having this wondrous affair with me. At first I thought she was joking but then at the beginning of February I found out she wasn't joking. We decided to give it a try and we both quickly fell in love with each other. She told me all the problems in her current relationship no sex for two years, constantly fighting over stupid things, he's cheated on her twice and one time was with a 17 year old girl.

 

I told her that I hate myself for letting her go all those years ago and that I feel like this would be our 2nd chance at both of us being happy together. She also feels the same way but this girl is too nice. She cannot break up with this guy after all of the things he has done to her because she doesn't want to hurt him. This guy depends on her for everything he owns his own business but she pays for everything for this guy and he would literally be out on the streets if she left him because he has nothing. They break up and he will become so self destructive to get her attention and guilt her in to taking him back. I'm basically on here asking for any kind of advice to help her break up with this guy and for us to be together.

 

We have a weekend trip planned for next week and I can tell she is getting nervous in going cause he is kind of suspicious of her cheating on him already and I don't want her to back out on this. She has told me just about every day how happy I make her and how she wishes she had the strength to break up with this guy and never look back.

[MikNomis]

So she said she wants you two to be together, but she can't leave her current boyfriend for whatever reasons. It doesn't even matter what the reasons are, the point is she can't or won't leave that relationship. I don't know what more there is to say.

 

There are a couple options for you:

 

1. Just leave this whole thing entirely. But of course, this is not what you want.

 

2. Tell her in the end it's going to have to be you or him. Do not listen to any plea that she tries to give. If she says she will break up with the guy, then make her do just that. No one needs a lengthy period of time to break up with someone, the sooner the better. If she holds off, you know she's going to hold off forever, just like the gazillion other similar threads on this forum.

 

So in short, tell her she needs to break up with the other guy. If does do it and soon, then good I guess. Anything else is a definite failure and you must walk away because you'll always be the other guy.