fell in love, now he is gone

[euphoria24]

we dated for 3 months. It was intense.

 

I broke up with him due to my mom not liking him. I apologized and got back together. Then he pulled back, and stopped calling me and texting me and inviting me to stuff. on valentine's day I CALLED HIM, and he just wished me happy valentines day. I asked him if we were a couple, he said yes. But in his actions he showed different.

 

I told him I wanted to see him and he invited me out. Got to his door, he did not answer. Drove away and he called me and said he had fallen asleep. I came back and his EX was there dancing around. I could not take that he was not giving me the attention I wanted. Like at the beginning he used to call and text ALOT and then it all went away.

 

I pulled him aside and said , are you pulling away from me? He said, that it was just that he had a lot of * * * * going on.

 

AND that he may move away to a different city. I said, ok we are broken up then and then wished him the best of luck.

 

Now I am trying to get him a job here so he does not move away.

 

 

I have fallen in love with him and told him.

 

 

 

My question is does he feel the same way? Is he pulling back? Why is he pulling back? I really want to be with him again, I can't take this pain. :shame:

[BreakUpsSuck]

His ex was dancing? What does that even mean? How old are you guys?

[SuperDuper]

I'm confused trying to pose a response to this. He could be hurt that you broke up with him... he could be playing games with you, keeping you in the background while he tests other waters (with his ex for instance). He sees how easily you break up with him (twice now)... even though you really want to be with him. He may be confused as to what YOU want... and doesn't want to deal with all this drama?

 

You seem a little confused as to what you want... you'll likely say that he seemed distant so you broke up with him trying to appeal to his wants. But he hadn't said anything about breaking up with you... you guys didn't seem to have a heart-to-heart conversation, you just broke up with him there and then.

 

WHO KNOWS why he's pulling away... you should have asked him that before breaking up with him in a face-to-face discussion with his EX-GF out of his house (goes without saying).

 

If you want to make amends with this guy I think you need to be straight up and not too emotional. Just say that you are in love with him and want to talk to him about your issues. Tell him to call you if he wants to. Then go NC and move on...

[euphoria24]

I am 36 and he is 39. She was just there starting the party and I did not like her being there and being the center of attention. I am the one that he should have been giving his attention to not her, especially after he was not even there when I showed up. We ended up breaking up that night before we even went out, I don't even know if I caused the break up or if he wanted to break up with me in the first place. This sucks.

[abitbroken]

I don't even know if I caused the break up or if he wanted to break up with me in the first place.

 

Um....you caused it. You broke up with him, right? You dumped him.

 

If you are 36 year old and broke up because your mom didn't like him, unless he was an abusive jerk, you should date who you want to date. Your mom would come around if you were truly happy with someone and were with him long enough. I would not have time for a man who said "sorry, mom doesn't like you."

 

What do you mean "starting the party?" was he having people over? Either way, you broke up with him so he is fully entitled to have his ex girlfriend or a new girlfriend or whomever he likes at his house.

 

Why would you try to get him a job so he doesn't move, yet you broke up with him. At this point, I would move on and learn that if you want someone, don't dump them.

 

Yes, you caused the break up because you du

[euphoria24]

It really hurts right now and especially that I don't get the comfort of calling him or texting him like I usually did at this time of night. This sucks really bad.

[euphoria24]

There are a lot of red flags in the relationship, but I still have fallen in love with him. He is someone that I admire and respect, in some ways and not in others but either way I think that I want to be with him, start a family, Get married.

 

How can I make this happen? This is the getting back together forum?

 

 

SuperDuper,

 

He won't answer my calls and I have already expressed to him once that I would like to see him with no response. Should I write him on facebook and tell him everything or should I talk to him in person?

 

thanks.

[SuperDuper]

You dumped him, but want him back for what reason...? He wasn't giving you what you wanted so you broke it off. You're missing him now which is natural but another guy can fill that void too.

 

Next time don't be so hasty to call it quits without fully discussing it first. Move on... I wouldn't contact him now that I think about it, it's likely your best strategy.

 

But if you insist on contacting him, I guess Facebook is an option.. it just might make you seem a little desperate though, along with unstable -- seeing how you broke up with him TWICE and are now knocking at his door again.

 

At the very maximum you should send him one (unemotional) message to contact you because you'd like to talk. Go your own way with no expectations.

[mg22]

Why was the ex throwing a party ?? i dont get it?? and you were going out with him that evening?? iam confused !

[euphoria24]

thank you SuperDuper for your response, you are giving me very good advice.

 

mg22,

 

EXACTLY! I was supposed to be going out with him that night. I get there, he does not answer the door. I drive away and then he calls and tells me that he invited others over to go play BINGO and I said I did not want to go, he said 'why?' and I said ok, I'll go. I get back to the house and there are 2 people there partying and then 2 more people show up. I don't want to seem like I don't care about his friends, but when he came out of his room with all of the people there he did not even look at me. What is that about? He obviously does not want me anymore. and I did not want to be just a party buddy. He said he wanted to be friends. this sucks.

[euphoria24]

I am not sure if I am the one that broke it off.

 

I asked him if we could talk in private and I asked him why he is pullling a way and not texting me, calling me or inviting me over and he simply said I have a lot of * * * * going on, I might move and Id like to be friends. Then I said ok, we're breaking up then. HE IS THE ONE that broke up with me telling me he just wants to be friends, right????

[SuperDuper]

Well there's your answer.. you likely broke up with him rightfully. He didn't look at you when he left his room??? .... Huge red flag.

He said he wants to be friends??.... nail in the coffin.

 

With what you described... he passively broke up with you in my opinion and then and you just confirmed it.

 

I know it sucks but the sooner you're over this guy the sooner you'll find somebody more appropriate for you. Somebody that will smile ear-to-ear when they see you.. count this as a blessing that set you free!

 

Good luck

[mg22]

Huge red flag ! he did not consider your feelings at all, glad you broke up with him.. please walk away, if you do stay he will only use you.. your not his priority.. love yourself and never contact him ever again !!

[euphoria24]

yeah, realizing this is great, but I still feel sad about being rejected like this.

[euphoria24]

I cant believe that I have to go NC now after last week I said that I thought he did not want to see me and he replied ' why wouldn't I want to see you?' and then a break-up! duh , this sucks.

[mg22]

We Dumpees all have these feelings of being rejected, thank god you were with him for 3 months ! hes not worth a penny ! you were played by this fool, i would not even shed one tear for him.. in time you will realize it.. its all normal what your feeling ! pls next time dont ignore the RED FLAGS ! it dosent matter who broke up with who , move on .... good luck

[TearsofFate]

I think this one is pretty obvious. I know you are hurting euphoria24, but you have to switch it around and imagine what it would have been for you if he did that to you. Pretend that his mom didn't like you, so he dumped you. The moment you dump someone the trust is gone. If he dumped you, your heart would have been broken, and you may have started putting up walls.

 

He knows now, that you are capable of dumping him. Nobody wants that in a bf or gf. Nobody wants to be dumped. I think you should have talked it over with him instead of dumping him.

 

You mentioned that you dumped him again. Continuing to dump him over and over again will push him away and he won't want to be with you anymore (imagine if he did this to you). You wouldn't see him as the same person anymore.

 

So, I suggest to relax and just be honest with him. If he doesn't want to talk to you anymore, then the only thing you can do is apologize, be honest, don't be emotional and then let him be.