Getting back together... or not? I'm confused.

[deeplongbreath]

So basically my ex broke up with me a year ago. Last September we started talking again randomly, and then more and more, and then he finally told me (early January) what had caused the breakup. Turns out there had been a huge misunderstanding at the time, he thought I had done something horrible but since he was giving me a chance to explain myself we sorted it out pretty quickly and decided to be "friends" again. We enjoy each other's company very much, have loads of fun when we talk (probably the same sense of humour), etc.

 

Things were quite great after that, there was no pressure on any of us and no real expectations. I had dated another guy for a while but I was feeling good being single and I never asked my ex if he had seen/was seeing someone, although it seemed obvious that he wasn't since we would spend entire days and evenings texting back and forth (we both love to do that).

 

Anyway, at some point he started to be flirtatious. Had I been a virgin princess I should have told him something like "omg noooo, you'll have to wait until we get married" but hey I'm a grown up and I like being chased. So there is this one time we're hanging out, have a glass of wine or two, we watch a film, and we end up kissing etc (you get the picture). Next time we spend time together HE suggests that he sleeps over, brings all sort of things so we can have a nice dinner and a nice breakfast, he wakes up early in the morning, goes to the bakery and buy croissants... in a word he's perfect (except that he doesn't kneel to propose hahahha).

 

I could tell his communication skills had improved, because we would kept texting each other every single day even when we didn't have a "date" coming up. He even gave me 2 phone calls, and that's something he barely did back when we were together! I was happy about that. We were getting to know each other again (a lot of things happen in 1 year, people can change...) and I really liked what he had become.

 

And then a couple of days ago I find out he had a girlfriend and he has left her right after he and I had had this very serious conversation about our own breakup. Right now I have no idea of what happened or what's going on. I don't want to ask him directly just yet (I don't have a right to do so because we're not exactly in a relationship) and I don't want to ask for more details to the person who told me either, so I'm a bit lost. Maybe I should skip the info and focus on the present time? After all it's all that matters, right?

 

Thoughts, anyone? Maybe it could help. Thanks for your patience

[Cowboy1015]

Tough tough tough. What matters is what you feel. It's all about you. If it's not gonna bother you, then focus on the present. But if it bothers you, which seems you are, ask him about it. Just my opinion.

[dumPI]

you are wondering if taking him back after a year or not, of course you HAVE THE RIGHT to ask. Don't be a doormat and don't let him walk all over you. You came to know he had a girlfriend from other sources because you didn't want confrontation and asking him. That's exactly what you have to do because it's bothering you!

 

And by the way breaking with her to start with you again sounds like a big red flag.

[deeplongbreath]

Quick update...

 

He came over last night and I asked him about the ex girlfriend. He said they had never been together really, that he had been going out with her casually mostly because he felt lonely (men!), that since I had been back in his life as a friend he had not met up with her once, and he "broke up" with her when because he had realized it was me he wanted to be with if he was to be in a relationship. So we discussed getting back together and I told him I wanted to take things slow and see if things would work out because the on and off relationship was out of the question, plus we probably both have changed and need time to get to know each other again properly. He agreed, said he had missed me a lot and he had not been able to feel happy with any other woman he had met after me, that we were probably made for each other etc (yeah lots of clichés but who doesn't like to hear that?). Oh and he also said he had been a complete jerk not to trust me but he was too proud to come back and apologize. That was a lot to take in and I almost cried.... We hugged for a very long time but didn't have sex and he went back to his place to spend the night.

 

So we're officially dating from now on, and going to the restaurant with the kids tonight

 

Falling back in love would be a first for me, but I definitely believe it's possible.

[roadrunner12]

Sorry you take offence deeplongbreath but are these not questions you should be asking yourself?

 

 

 

 

Post #9

 

 

"He broke up in an unexpected manner and without clearly saying why but since I was quite used to it (*) I didn't bother harrassing him with questions, thinking he would be back a couple of weeks later like he always did.

 

(*) That's why I say our relationship wasn't healthy......... at all!!! "

 

 

Reasons for numerous breakups

 

1. miscommunication about something

2. His children

3. Unexpected and unknown reasons?

4.?????

5.?????

6.??????

 

And you slept with him the first chance you get.

 

Only a month ago you are saying "your relationship wasn't healthy......... at all!!! "

 

Is it not a valid question to asked whats changed?

 

 

 

You say youve changed and hes changed. I would disagree. Its only my opinion but your actions show otherwise however like I remember someone saying, its your life and only you have to live with yourself. You are free to do whatever you want.

[Ms Darcy]

It tends to be my personal belief that on and off relationships don't work out because they people involved are highly attracted to each other but incompatible. I think you really need to think this through, because going slower doesn't change "incompatibility" or in this case "him."