oolochNESSoo Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I read somewhere that having a relationship with someone that you cheated WITH would never work. Too many trust issues. I believe this 100%! WHEN I WAS on speaking terms w/my ex, she would tell me the girl she cheated on me with, now her "girlfriend" was blaming her for messing around with girls from work. Mind you, this is barely 3 or 4 weeks into their "relationship" I agree though, sooner or later they will be reaching out to us. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I'm trying so hard not to check her Facebook I deleted it but I still look at her profile. I'm so angry how she just moved on. And the nerve of her to say she loves me. I'm on my 3rd day NC and I want to text her so bad but I'm not. What I don't understand is how she was always the lovey dovey type with me till I found out. And how I always intiated contact till I just recently went NC and she doesn't care! How can one go from "loving" me too absolutely nothing and not even mourn me? The not knowing what she thinks bothers me so bad, * * * * * left me broken. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 And thanks everyone, I really love all the advice it's helping Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Dude I know exactly what you mean.. It's like one day you have dinner with her & she's completely normal & acting the part, tells you that you're the one for her, etc. The next day, she's pulling away when you try to kiss her goodbye & telling you that she's just not feeling it anymore. I thought being together for 4 years, we were past that * * * * that my high-school girlfriends used to do, you know, the 180 nonsense w/ their feelings. Guess not. As for not mourning you, well she's got another guy to fill that void in which you left behind. You have to surround yourself with positive people & friends to help you fill the same void. The first weekend, I couldn't stand being in my apartment alone. I HAD to get out w/ anybody & have a beer & just socialize. After being a little flirty w/ new acquaintances, I realized that being single ain't all that bad. At my emotional state, I wouldn't dare jump into another relationship, but I'm open to having a little fun. I suggest you take on the same mentality. You only live once bro, and you owe it to yourself to live it up. I would def. avoid the FB thing, although I'm catching myself scoping hers out once a day or so. That one takes some serious self-control which I'm lacking.. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Dude I know right! I hope they don't work and she begs for me back cause I was always there for her! And you know what. I'll laugh in her face! Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 No need to be vindictive or spiteful. Be calm, cool, and collective. She'll yearn for you much more if you act like it/she didn't mean that much to you.. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Your right. I doubt highly she will though. In fact I hope she doesn't but at least if she did I would know I was a little more to her than nothing you know what I'm saying? Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Your right. I doubt highly she will though. In fact I hope she doesn't but at least if she did I would know I was a little more to her than nothing you know what I'm saying? Well guys, I broke down tonight I called her twice, but she didn't pick up.... I then like a retard preceded to drive past her house to maybe see if she was home, but she wasn't so i'm guessing she was with him. I am so ashamed and pissed off at her and myself right now. I honestly wonder what she even thinks of the person she spent everysingle day with for 6 years. UGH. The rage i'm feeling is unbearable. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I got 4 days with NC, and I called her and I got the hint. I'm so full of anger its incredible! Like for her not to even want me as a friend... not saying I would... But she hates me!? Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I got 4 days with NC, and I called her and I got the hint. I'm so full of anger its incredible! Like for her not to even want me as a friend... not saying I would... But she hates me!? Woke up to a text this morning "why did you call me last night". I responded, "just wanted to chat sorry", she responds "oh i thought it was an emergency or something it was so late"... we then preceded to casually bs about nothing. then just stopped. I then finally texted her this... because I know i said it before but i'm tired of her bs. I texted her, "I also I just want you to know that I love you so much. And I would of been willing to work through this cause I thought 6 years was too much to throw away. But I respect you so I'm letting you go do you. And I'll always love you to the very end". She then precedes to text me this "You know I love you". Link to comment
Saffron_ Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Well guys, I broke down tonight I called her twice, but she didn't pick up.... I then like a retard preceded to drive past her house to maybe see if she was home, but she wasn't so i'm guessing she was with him. I am so ashamed and pissed off at her and myself right now. I honestly wonder what she even thinks of the person she spent everysingle day with for 6 years. UGH. The rage i'm feeling is unbearable. Oh dear. When I went through a breakup, I did exactly the same thing so don't beat yourself up ok. Contacting her was a dumb thing to do but it's an incredibly common dumb thing to do. I did it loads of time before I learned my lesson. What you might want to try is marking off 30 days on a calander and setting yourself the goal of not contacting her for that amount of time. If your experience is anything like mine was, the first few days/weeks will be agony. They'll drag and you'll ache terribly. What you'll do is you'll rationalise to yourself reasons you should call her. You'll tell yourself, you just want to know why, or you just want to call because she has something of yours you want back or you just want to send one last email telling her you accept the breakup/hate her and want to cut her off forever/want one last chance to make her happy. You're your own worst enemy right now I'm afraid. Whatever reason your mind comes up with as to why you think you should call, IGNORE IT!!! You should NOT call, you should NOT email and you should NOT drive by her place. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad just now. Also, just because I suggested 30 days, it doesn't mean you should contact her after those 30 days have passed. It's just a starting goal to give you something to aim for and focus on. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Thanks. I am feeling like crap. Granted its not AS BAD as the intiall breakup. It's just like a constant weight on my shoulders now. I still love her to death. Even after everything. It's like a fire in my stomach that is constantly there.. Oh and I'm pretty sure she made a fake facebook account and added me... What the hell does this mean? Should I keep "her" as a friend or delete "her" Link to comment
Saffron_ Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I would delete her. Or if you don't want to do that, the next best thing you can do (I can't recommend this highly enough) is take a loooong break from Facebook. Don't update your status, don't add photos, don't change your profile pic and don't comment on anyone elses status/photo. Cut yourself off from her completely, and unless she comes banging at your door begging for you back or she tells you that she's sorry and wants to work thing out, don't respond to any contact from her. A text that says something along the lines of "hey, just wanted to see how you are" or "I walked by [insert place name] and though of you" is not meaningful and doesn't merit a response. As difficult as it is, you have to truly let her go. There's no halfway with this... Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I know. Like it's always me trying to talk to her with her responding totally indifferent. Then I KNOW she made the fb account and added me. And also when she is Bsing with me she always asks, What I am doing.. I dont get it at all. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 And thanks saffron. I appericate you helping me not to mention everyone. It helps venting on here Link to comment
Missher Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Forgot to mention that this morning I asked her if she wanted to hangout sometime to catch up... She says it will be too hard to see me, cause she "regrets everything", and she still "cries at night everynight".. I'm calling BS, she is probably with that guy and feeding me breadcrumbs. Like everyone on here said... I'm just trying to understand. Part of me is thinking "Hey maybe she does love me and the thought of how bad she hurt me is haunting her and thats why she wants space to get over that"... and the other part of me is "She's with that guy, but she wants me as a security blanket and that is why she responds to my text and still says i love you when i say it".... I blocked her on FB. I also like an idoit said, "I'll always love you and my door is always open". Link to comment
Missher Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Update, feeling just anger right now. I keep dwelling on the questions on how she doesn't care. I feel no urge to contact her now though. I just hope she doesn't text me a month or so from now when I'm starting to get over her. Link to comment
msphlyer Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Hey missher, I know this sucks. I hate to say it but I can offer some support from my knowledge of her side of the experience. I did not cheat, but after I ended my 4 year relationship, I jumped into another relationship almost immediately. My ex was saying a lot of the same things you were. Knowing he was still around made things easier for me. He was constantly trying to convince me to be with him and dissecting the relationship so I wanted to be with him less. I thought that because I ended the relationship and had fEelings for someone else that I was fine and moved on. No, that's not possible. Once he went NC from me, about 2 weeks in, it hit me that he was really gone, and I was starting to process the reality of the situation. I was so emotional for 6 mos straight that it ended my next relationship. I did want to come back to my ex, you can't just forget that long of a relationship. I regretted not giving it a second chance. You got some good advice here on setting goals of NC and focusing on you. She will care and it will hit her if you do this. Don't continue to let her have her cake and eat it too. If she contacts you,, keep it light and short. Love shouldn't be about playing games but your mind is too clouded right now to think rationally so follow all advice given from those who can. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Wow. Thank you so much! You totally made me feel better about it. Maybe she isn't heartless at all. Not saying I'm ever gonna take her back but maybe she did care for me after all. Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 That was a fantastic post Amsflyer. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Amsflyer, did you eventually contact him.. and in terms of what did you say? Update to my situation, my days are like this I wake up extremely depressed, like I dream about her everynight. The mornings consists of me remembering how much she "loved" me, even toward the end she was so lovey! Like right now I'm depressed and sad and miss her.. But I know as the day goes along the anger comes. I truly do miss her. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Update, 3rd day NC or checking her facebook. She has made no attempt to contact me in 2 weeks. I guess she just doesn't care about me anymore. Which I mean sucks, cause I was her best friend (I thought) and she was mine.. The hope that she will contact me is fading everyday. I still dream about her and wake up depressed but as the day progresses I have hours of me not caring and then BOOM the feelings come back. Link to comment
Missher Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well another day another NC... I made the horrible mistake of going through old emails from here from SOOOOOOOOOOOO long ago... We were so madly in Love.. she was my first and I was her first. I'm so depressed right now =-( I wish she would just contact me but she won't she is with the person she cheated with and she left me broken. WHY!? =-( Link to comment
scorpion666 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well another day another NC... I made the horrible mistake of going through old emails from here from SOOOOOOOOOOOO long ago... We were so madly in Love.. she was my first and I was her first. I'm so depressed right now =-( I wish she would just contact me but she won't she is with the person she cheated with and she left me broken. WHY!? =-( Stay strong bro, your sitaution sounds exactly like mine except the cheating part but she does have some one else which really does suck she was my best friend and i was suppose to be hers, but i doubt it after everything....Sometimes im good and then other times those painful feelings come back an it sets in that shes really gone & doesnt even care about me......5 days of NC and she hasnt even attempted to contact me....it hurts man Link to comment
ghengisT Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well another day another NC... I made the horrible mistake of going through old emails from here from SOOOOOOOOOOOO long ago... We were so madly in Love.. she was my first and I was her first. I'm so depressed right now =-( I wish she would just contact me but she won't she is with the person she cheated with and she left me broken. WHY!? =-( Hey Man- It sounds like you're just adding salt to the wound(s). When my memories start coming back to haunt me, I post on here instead of looking through our old pictures, or emails. Just keep your head up. Another thing that really helps me is mingling w/ other girls. Don't talk about your ex or anything like that- just socialize a bit & you'll start to realize what you were missing out on. Link to comment
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