Dealing with Valentine's Day Disappointment

[Capricorn3]

Go home tonight and make your husband a delicious dinner, and thank him for trying to make you happy today.

Agreed....

[Pinnacle]

He should have given you nothing.

 

Then you'll actually appreciate it when he gives you something. Anything at all.

[Tom1990]

Say what you want about how she "should" feel (she's already said several times that she is thankful, but is disconcerted by what she feels is a lack of attention to detail) but let's face it: if more people had that kind of honesty and were that straightforward, the total post count of the "Healing After Break-Up Or Divorce" board would be like, half.

 

Goodness yes. This was my frist VDay with my gf, and she suggested a boat ride to an English-style pub. I was thrilled, because I love boats and I love pubs. But I also asked her where she wanted to go, and she said a certain gaming tavern, but really anything was fine as long as we were together. Yeah, I took her to the gaming tavern. It was such a pleasure to know what she wanted.

[DrKitten]

I think you should listen to Fathom, he's on to the right track.

 

When in doubt, do as FathomFear says.

[RadicalDreamer]

Gifting can be a huge source of anxiety, and I can tell a lot of people have been burned by a lack of gratitude in the past, as have I. Badly.

 

So one would think that I, too, would be reading the OP the riot act on this one. But no. For one thing, she has already said that she is thankful and loves her husband very much, would be sweet and thankful, and even made references to, er, baby-making later that night. I don't know about you all, but when I got the "wrong" gift there was no baby making or any activity that could even result in such. Just stony, chilly silence and me asking a few dozen times if everything is okay and getting the response of "fine." Can I get a witness? Has anyone here been there and done that?

 

IT doesn't sound like the OP is taking this nearly as hard as she's been given flack for. She also took a lot of time trying to let us know that she's not putting her husband in the doghouse over this, or remotely so. A shame that all the attempts to qualify and show where she was coming from essentially resulted in being judged over what... two sentences that went amiss? I think she just wanted to let it out.

 

Secondly, I will re-iterate that if you ask 90% of people what they want as a gift, for any gift-giving occasion they will probably claim to be happy with anything. For some people, this is true. I really don't expect anything for those occasions, so anything I get is automatically a bonus. Judging from the impassioned responses here, I think most of the people here are of that bent as well.

 

But many others say this because that is what they're "supposed" to say. And they usually even believe it, until they get a gift that doesn't meet their expectations. Expectations they never even really bothered to set with themselves, much less their partner. Then instead of blaming the disappointment rightly on themselves, they put it on their partner. Much worse than what the OP is doing by far. I have experience with this, and I've a feeling that most of the others here do too.

 

The only thing the OP could do is what she had already resolved to do in her first post, which is to take a step back, be thankful and have a dash of perspective. So why did she post what she did if she already made up her mind to basically be thankful and happy with what she got? Probably because that's how she felt, and thought that this forum was a place to talk about such things.

[penelope13]

I think this is a case of simply misunderstanding each other. While in your own mind it seems as if your 'instructions/hints' have been very specific and straight forward, in his mind it probably arrived quite differently. People always assume/expect that a partner should know how your own mind works and be able to read you - but that would only be possible if they had the same kind of mind and would process the same information in the same way - a quite unrealistic expectation.

 

If you look at the highlighted/marked sentences from your OP, taken together it's not really 100% clear or the only possible conclusion that you want nothing else but red roses. There is a lot of room for understanding it in a different way.

 

If you want to give him precise instructions for the next time, then really state "I want nothing but a dozen red roses" and keep repeating this exact statement whenever the subject does come up.

 

Since you said that you wouldn't mind buying yourself some flowers - why not buy a 'perfect' bouquet some time during the year and let him know this is 100% your ideal flower arrangement and you'd love to receive one like this on V-day.

[PhilliesFan001]

Yiikes. This is why so many people dread this holiday. Did you do anything for your husband?

 

I don't mean to bring up old threads but isn't this the husband you were cheating on with some online guy? To be perfectly honest, with that perspective, I think it's a little rich of you to be upset about your husband getting you the wrong flowers.

[capilot]

You know, there's something I need to get off my chest:

 

Now, two years later, it's Valentine's day, and she's out of town for two weeks on a business trip. In the next state over from where this man lives. I'm spending Valentine's day alone yet again.

 

Found this old post while googling for something else. Thought I'd fill in something that happened since: Turns out that she lied again, she was spending Valentine's day with him again. I hate Valentine's day.