bananashake Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 been casually talking to a guy that im interested in and I get the feeling he is interested in me (a guy who works for my company). the topic of the wonderful world of dating came to light at the end of our business dinner. He said he will not buy his next girlfriend any flowers, candy, jewelry, or anything, unless they are in a absolute committed relationship. he said he used to be the guy who did those things and it got him nowhere. So now he won't waste his money. I was kinda shocked. i've spent money on my boyfriends in the past, including my most recent ex and his kids. And I won't hesitate to do it again in the beginning of a new relationship. It's romantic. And not buying someone a gift because of your ex's is kinda crappy to the new person. Also, I'm not sure what to make of this. But when we sat down for our business dinner, I said, "you look nice" - he had a nice suit on and has lost some weight. He said "I know." and that was that. Hmmmm. Lol. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 So how is it a red flag? He only stated his opinion doesn't mean its a red flag. Did he said "I know" in a jokingly way? If not he sounds a little conceded. From the conversation you had you didn't mentioned if he was interested in you and more of friendzoned you. Link to comment
DrKitten Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Not to me. It makes a lot of sense to me actually. I would be turned off by gifts during the courtship/dating period, but I'm not big on gifts in general. I think they should be reserved for holidays, birthdays and anniversaries when in a serious relationship. It sounds like he went the gifting route before in order to win affection from ladies, but they freaked out and split (I would) or were only interested in the gifts and nothing more. And he's confident in his looks. Nothing wrong with that. Unless he's got a pompous, arrogant attitude, I wouldn't worry about it. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Makes perfect sense to me. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 It's only a red flag to the extent that you two have different dating styles which could cause problems. He mentioned that he was hurt in the past so it sounds like he's not over that or his take-away is that he should play the arrogant jerk rather than be the nice guy. So you need to think if that is a deal breaker for you. Link to comment
livelarge Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, the "I know" would be more of a red flag to me than the gift thing. However, the gift thing is a red flag that he has definite baggage from his last relationship and his perfectly willing to allow it to taint his current relationship. It sounds like he is bitter and that's the red flag. Whether he can let that go is what will make that red flag bigger or disappear. Of course, that depends on the way he delivered his speech. It could be a lesson learned kind of thing if he spent hundreds of dollars on unappreciated gifts. I think it might also be a red flag that you might not be compatible. If you like spending money on romantic gifts and he doesn't, you'll soon be disappointed in his lack of romantic gifts. How much do you like romantic gifts? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, the "I know" would be more of a red flag to me than the gift thing. However, the gift thing is a red flag that he has definite baggage from his last relationship and his perfectly willing to allow it to taint his current relationship. It sounds like he is bitter and that's the red flag. Whether he can let that go is what will make that red flag bigger or disappear. Agree completely. Link to comment
Maeva Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 He isnt saying no gifts, hes saying no gifts until he is sure? The implication is strongly that his past pattern has been to shower with gifts. It sounds like he is looking for someone with whom he can share commitment, if you are on the same page and your communication style would fit this question- maybe ask if thats what it means and say that you are looking too- maybe even if your styles dont match you can help each other look? Link to comment
lila... Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 The comment in itself doesn't seem like a red flag to me, it makes perfect sense to me. However, the context and the fact that he's saying it makes it sound like he's jaded/pessimistic about relationships and that to me is a red flag (the bolded part). I wouldn't want to go into a relationship with someone who has that negative outlook. Everyone has had bad experiences...it's how you choose to deal with them and let them affect you that makes the difference. Noone wants a downer. Link to comment
Gracelove Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I don't think you should date him. He's working for your company and it can makes things awkward. It doesn't sound like he's that interested in dating right now. It sounds like you're a romantic and he is not. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 It dosn't sound like he's interested in you. He's really going out of his way to let you know how he feels about "relationships" and didn't accept your compliment very nicely. Move on! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I agree with him. I'm not spending money on someone until we've had the exclusive talk. Until then, we split stuff. Never was a problem for me. I think he was spending money on women prior to having the commitment talk with them and what happened is he found out they were dating other guys which made him feel used and I can definitely see where he's coming from there. I'm not going to buy you flowers if you've got 2 other guys doing the same thing. That could make you feel like you're in some sort of contest where the best gifts win, which is not a game I'm willing to play. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I wouldnt consider it a red flag is sounded like he jump the gun and felt that he previously got used and is not going to put himself in that situation unless there is a committed relationship. Link to comment
capilot Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 ... He said he will not buy his next girlfriend any flowers, candy, jewelry, or anything, unless they are in a absolute committed relationship. he said he used to be the guy who did those things and it got him nowhere. The red flag isn't that he won't spend money on a woman he's not in a relationship with (most of us guys have learned not to do this out of bitter experience), but that he said it out loud. Either he's a very forthright and honest person (too forthright, really), or he's carrying baggage from a previous relationship (or I should say, non-relationship.) As for the "I know" remark, he's either clumsy at accepting compliments, or he's channeling Han Solo from that second Star Wars movie. Link to comment
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