Lonewing Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 UHmmmm, no... asking someone if they are free doesnt mean I am taking them out. Because I do not flake is the reason why i wont commit, there is a difference between someone asking if you are free, and actually... i dont know... making actual plans. You first ask if someone is free, and then you refuse to commit to the follow through? I'm going to stick with this following sentiment on this... UGHHH you should get &*(&*())#@%$^^%! Girls have done this to me too, more than I ever have. If there is no concrete set time and place, basically no actual planning, then its "on the table". Unless, he meant that he would text call that day to tell you the place and time for some reason, i read it as him calling before then to confirm he wanted to meet. Don't bring it to the table if you're not ready to back it up...that's jsut being flakey... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Thorshammer, there was a place, "olive garden" and on wednesday night, just that he would call me on wednesday to confirm the time. What more does that NOT INDICATE THAT HE DID NOT ASK TO MEET ME? Regardless, it doesn't even matter anymore, you made your point loud and clear, I understand that men do it for fun sometimes, just wished it wasn't me. Maybe I should've never even wrote this on here but oh well I can't erase it lol. And I love Olive Garden... Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You first ask if someone is free, and then you refuse to commit to the follow through? I'm going to stick with this following sentiment on this... Don't bring it to the table if you're not ready to back it up...that's jsut being flakey... LOL.... ok??? Flaking would mean to "break" an arrangement.... there is no arrangement in my example. And dont bring it to the table and not back it up... huh? I like how you got all this figured out somehow like if i never dated her afterward, or that she couldnt understand that i never made actual plans because i never called her to tell her i was going to meet her that specific day because she realized.. i dont know.... i didnt make plans with her, didnt mention a location, or even a time, or even a part of the day, i just asked a question. But ok... whatever floats your boat. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Once something is on the table - a negotiation, which dates are a sort of negotiation, the negotiation remains ont eh table until it is closed. Now if you brought the negotiation to the table, it remains in your repsonsibility to close it out. Now you can either do it in a cowardly manner, and just never say anything about it again and just let it expire, or you can man up and initiate the follow through: "I'm sorry, I can't make it tonight." or "I'm sorry, I discovered I'm not actually interested in you." Or even simply nail it down "hey, yeah, that dinner tonight - 6:00?" AND FOLLOW THROUGH! It's like you showed up to a poker table, put a huge pile of chips on the deck, and then told the dealer "Oh no, I'm just here to watch, don't deal me in." Seriously? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are comparing me asking someone if they are free on a certain day to a game of poker? People have things to do, erratic schedules, you are try to simplify things with ridiculous examples, and then to further attempt to even assume you know me and my intentions. These women know me and know that i dont flake, they know my intentions. I get asked all the time, "hey, what you doing sunday?" They tell me about X event, then tell me they will call me if they want to meet up and take me if they have space/time/more tickets, whatever- it doesnt mean i will be mad when they reach out on tuesday, especially if i dont take initiative to set a time and date for that day, or tell them to call me on XXX day to confirm, or when i myself dont contact them to confirm, especally... when... the... person... in... this example...has... an .... erratic... schedule.... (like myself, since i had a 30 hr job, full-time college student, and am a personal trainer on call- and had other personal issues that had a habit of popping up erratically). Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It's quite a bit different then proposing "hey, you free for dinner Wednesday night? Olive Garden?" And then never speaking of it again. It's just tacky. And a bit rude. Or it shows you're just not that into them in the first place...which begs the question, why ask them out in the first place??? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Lol.. its tacky now? And you are mixing stories, i never said anything about an actual place. If you can not read... then i will repeat, i have, and still do; a hectic schedule, they are fully aware of this. Of course i will ask if they are free on XXX day- because i want to meet this person, and in all cases i eventually did. Its not that simple to plan in advance, there are many people in that position, it happened to me recently with a nurse. Nothing stops the person from calling to confirm in advance, or accept that i didnt set up an actual date or location and instead not pay mind to it- nothing stops them from taking inititiatve to contact someone on a busy schedule to see if they are still on, especially if they might have something to do instead on x day- its never been a surprise that my schedule is erratic. If they are not interested because i am busy in life, or they feel offended for some reason that i asked a question asking if they are free on a certain day, then they can communicate it and express themselves. And stop your assumptions, lol. Now I am not into them??? I'll keep that in mind with my last ex, where that happened, then we ended up setting up a date when i called for the next day after and we dated for 3 years. Link to comment
PlayingAces Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 What does "never followed through" entail? Did they stand you up? Never schedule a specific time to meet? I don't get it. Just because someone casually says, "we should hang out" or something similar, doesn't necessarily mean they're sincere. Sometimes it's easier to never follow through than come clean and say I'm not interested. Truly being asked out on a date, IMHO, would entail being asking straightforwardly, "WILL you or WOULD you?", and being told a specific TIME and PLACE. Does it really matter why? Either they didn't want to hurt your feelings so they don't want to be honest, or they changed their minds for some reason. I think it would be more beneficial for you to move on than dwell on it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I think if you're that busy that you can't plan a date in advance -even weeks in advance, or 24 hours in advance if you explain to the person why your job or situation means you don't control your schedule, you shouldn't be dating -most people who have jobs need to plan things in advance, people plan things in advance for events, occasions, etc -dating should be no less important and of course there's another person's time and schedule involved. Once a couple is together it's easier to do last minute things but even then there are situations that require advance commitments - family events, if you want to go out with other people, if you want to go somewhere that requires purchasing tickets. It's not easy- I had a very unpredictable job as did my now husband (and we were long distance) -but we saw the benefit of making plans to see each other. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 My last date came together in literally ten minutes. Literally. We were sitting down to dinner 2 hours later. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I dont stand people up, thats rude and mean. But, i do make the effort to attract, get the number, then just quickly back down. It has nothing to do with them not being worth my interest, it just seemed that their behavior wasnt to my liking. Like I had to pull her in too much, and when I sit back and take it all in a few days later, i just dont want to match that effort anymore, i dont want to match that intensity. Also, i am deeply attracted to her at the time (usually full of liquid courage). When i sober up, yes... i could get a bit intimidated (like what catsmeooow explained), and again.. i dont want to put the same effort to attract again. And sometimes i just enjoy the chase. I concur w/ Thorshammer. Think of it this way how broke up you are of the guy not following through w/ the asking you out. Imagine how heartbroken you'd be if they strung you along for a year w/ no intentions of anything long-term. I'm guessing you'd bawl your eyes out. I would take it as they did you a favor not wasting your time that you could be using to find your Mr. Right. Link to comment
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