NotAPenquin Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 At the moment im in this confused state.. It ended a week ago.. and she made contact twice during that time. Yesterday i contacted her and asked her whats happening because im confused.. we werent ever really together because she wouldnt give me that commitment.. we dated for a few month.. then when i pushed for that commitment because i knew id never get it everything fell apart. Anyway yesterday she texted me and said 'I have so much going on in my head and Im confused, i need more time to think' I told her ill give her that and wont contact her and for her to text/call me when shes ready to talk.. so the ball is in her court now. So my question is this, what if she never contacts me? How long do i wait for her? Shes not putting her life on hold because im aware shes using her dating sites daily.. and who knows what else.. its possible shes out there seeing if theres anything better before she comes back and settles for me, what if she finds something and then comes back and tells me she doesnt want this anymore after all.. and ive sat around waiting instead of healing and moving on. So how long do i wait before i start to move on? Link to comment
sentencedtoagony Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Start moving on right now. You can't know what's going to happen. You may still hope for her to come around, but there is no way you can rely on that. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Confusion games after a month? You can do better. Link to comment
octour Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Yup, start moving right away. Immediately. My ex strung me along for two months before I found out she married the guy who supposedly didn't exist! You don't want to be me. And you don't want to wait. She wanted it to end. Let her start missing you right away. Hold your head high and walk away. I wish I had. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I would have started moving on the moment she said that. Look, if youre 'not good enough' to her as you are....right now, and she needs to think about it, or see what else is out there...then KICK ROCKS and find someone who KNOWS youre good enough without having to think about it. Seriously...she's destroying your self esteem. Someone who loves you doesnt need to think about it. Unless of course, youre abusive or have other severe mental issues that has her wondering if you'll ever been sane! Link to comment
msinterpret Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 First off, you don't wait....You move on with your life. She sounds like she really isn't that into you. The key thing that you said, was that you "pushed" for commitment...You can't push or make anyone do anything they don't want to do. Also, you never were really together in the first place (like you said)... You need to let it go, you seem a bit desperate and that can turn anyone off....If you keep yourself pre-occupied by other things instead of this girl, eventually you'll get over her...And eventually she may come back, because she'll see she isn't a priority and she'll wonder why...MAYBE. If she comes back to you, then try again...If she doesn't, then oh well... Link to comment
NotAPenquin Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 I think i pushed for it because i knew i would never get it even after those months together.. it was like proving it to myself after the amount of red flags i had ignored. Ive always thought if you have to think about it, thats a sign you shouldnt be in it. Well ill start moving on.. we werent really together so what is there to wait around for? Link to comment
Pamela Ju Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 You should definitely move on. If she comes back, then all the better but you don't need her to give your life value. She should ADD to your life - seems like you're giving her too much importance and her not enough. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I wait about as long as it takes me lace up my shoes. If for some weird reason I'm wearing loafers, it's even faster. I have more self-respect (now, anyways) to waste time on someone who's not sure if they want to be with me or not. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I wait about as long as it takes me lace up my shoes. If for some weird reason I'm wearing loafers, it's even faster. Very funny! Awesome! Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 I wait about as long as it takes me lace up my shoes. If for some weird reason I'm wearing loafers, it's even faster. I have more self-respect (now, anyways) to waste time on someone who's not sure if they want to be with me or not. I totally agree. I had a man who told me once that he needed to think about it...he wanted to make the right decision. (his ex had been pulling on him) I told him...let me make this easy for ya. Pack your sh&* and leave tonight. They never did get back together, and he came around SEVERAL times over the next few months wanting me again. HA! Get real. Ya should have realized what ya had when ya had it. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 I totally agree. I had a man who told me once that he needed to think about it...he wanted to make the right decision. (his ex had been pulling on him) I told him...let me make this easy for ya. Pack your sh&* and leave tonight. They never did get back together, and he came around SEVERAL times over the next few months wanting me again. HA! Get real. Ya should have realized what ya had when ya had it. Yep, and it usually takes once or twice to really realize your own worth. At that point, growing a backbone is a lot easier. The things you learn in hindsight are amazing, here's to hoping we apply them when it matters in the future Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Yeah, my backbone comes and goes with the seasons it seems like. But that one pissed me off more then it hurt. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Yeah, my backbone comes and goes with the seasons it seems like. But that one pissed me off more then it hurt. It's a pretty powerful feeling when you can take it or leave it. That's the pinnacle of being independent haha. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 It's a pretty powerful feeling when you can take it or leave it. That's the pinnacle of being independent haha. It was a pride thing for me lol. Dont be so indecisive, then I wont have to make up your mind FOR you. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 At the moment im in this confused state.. It ended a week ago.. and she made contact twice during that time. Yesterday i contacted her and asked her whats happening because im confused.. we werent ever really together because she wouldnt give me that commitment.. we dated for a few month.. then when i pushed for that commitment because i knew id never get it everything fell apart. So she was casual and not taking things seriously, and you were taking things seriously but trying to be patient? That means there was a significant imbalance in the relationship (or whatever you want to call it), so you tried to address that imbalance. Fair enough, but then things fell over. Anyway yesterday she texted me and said 'I have so much going on in my head and Im confused, i need more time to think' I told her ill give her that and wont contact her and for her to text/call me when shes ready to talk.. so the ball is in her court now. She might be confused because she has feelings for you she didn't want or expect, and they are conflicting with what was in her head which was that this was a convenient relationship for her because she got to call the shots. Yes, all you can do is leave her alone, and don't be too quick to embrace her if she contacts you with something tepid and vague. So my question is this, what if she never contacts me? Indeed, what if? What if you wait forever and she never contacts you? Time to stop waiting and start moving on. How long do i wait for her? As long as she's not willing to communicate with you about her conflict, you stop waiting and start moving on. Shes not putting her life on hold because im aware shes using her dating sites daily.. and who knows what else.. its possible shes out there seeing if theres anything better before she comes back and settles for me, what if she finds something and then comes back and tells me she doesnt want this anymore after all.. and ive sat around waiting instead of healing and moving on. Sounds exactly like that's what she's doing. In which case you need to get healed as fast as possible so that you are in a rational position to tell her to f off if you want, if she contacts you. Or to be able to ask her bluntly what she wants and not care what she says one way or the other. So how long do i wait before i start to move on? As long as it takes you to finish reading this topic. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.