1 year NC with Ex Girlfriend.

[GaelicSoul]

Hi all,

 

Its been very long since i was posting on these boards. I just wanted to give an update, and maybe this can help or comfort other people that have been affected or hurt by a sudden breakup.

 

My Ex girlfriend broke up with me last January 2011, after going out for 2 1/2 years. It was her and my longest relationship. It was a roller coaster. I loved her very much, and she often said things to me even 2 months b4 the split "your the best thing that ever happened to me" "I don't deserve you" "Done ever leave me". However she decided to breakup with me giving the old "I love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore" and she wasnt happy line. She was cold to me all last December when i did nothing wrong.This hit me like a train when the breakup happened.

 

I didn't beg her back, or asked her to reconsider, and i sadly accepted it. I told her there is the door, asked her to leave and that was it. I ignored too many red flags in the relationship. I will admit that the breakup destroyed me emotionally for a while, and even all these months later i'm still getting over it. I'm 28, she is 26. She was a very emotional immature girl, who saw things as black and white. I became needy and clingy at the end of the relationship as i was struggling with work, and my confidence was very low at the time. We had planned for a while in 2010 to go travelling together in July 2011 prior to the breakup, and wanted to go to Australia to start a new life. She was unhappy with her job too. After she broke up with me, i removed her from facebook the next day and went NC. However one night a few weeks later, i met her unexpectantly while she was out with her friends. It was late in the morning, and we both exchanged insults, her giving out about me removing her on FB and a few other things. She apologized by text the following day. I didnt respond.

1 week later i decided to call her asking her to meet up with me, as i wanted to clear the air a little and tell her i didn't want to hear from her again unless she wanted to get back with me. She initially agreed to meet up, however on the 11th hour she bailed. She text saying she didn't think it was a good idea, and i replied ok. That was the last time we have been in contact.

 

So months and months went by,i felt distraught, regretful, angry, ashamed, betrayed, lonely and felt very very unloved. I turned to LS and enotalone, hoping to find answers or people that had been in similar circumstances, so i could relate too. I read about GIGS, regrets, how do i get my Ex back...everything. However I kept in NC. I couldn't figure out what went wrong, and why she had done this to us. I was a good boyfriend, and never cheated or betrayed her trust. I took her out a lot, was considerate and made time for her as best i could. I wasn't perfect either, and often i should have been more assertive and make her feel more secure. I failed. She had been through a lot in her life, but all i wanted was her to open up me, tell her what was wrong in the relationship so i could fix it with her.

 

My birthday past a few months later and i heard nothing, this made me feel terrible but i kept going. "When going through hell, keep going!" I decided that it was time to start doing things for myself again, and make myself happy. I started to work out, hang out with my friends more, and also start going out meeting new people. I finally decided it was time to leave my crappy job, and in June i handed in my notice. Next i booked my flights and left home to see the world. I spent 4 amazing months travelling SE Asia, where i can honestly say i had the best time of my life. Before i left, i received a lot of blocked calls, and blank voice messages for about a month. It could have been her, but ill never know. So off to Asia i went I felt my confidence coming back, met loads of new interesting fun people and started to feel a lot more happier and more reassured of myself. I had so much fun, and did things i never did before. I started reading amazing books that made me think different about women and relationships, and started to identify issues, and also that i needed to look at myself and the relationship from a neutral POV. I stopped coming to these boards, as i too busy with living.

 

Around Halloween while browsing through FB, i saw her Profile pic of her with her new boyfriend. He is much older than me, has kids from a previous relationship, works with her and looks like hell. It took me by surprise, as the picture was the two of them on holiday abroad! My curiosity got the better of me so i checked her profile, for the first time in months.I saw they had been going out for a few months maybe july/august, and he also had a picture of them together on FB. I felt this set me back a bit, but at the same time i kept NC and accepted that she had moved on. I heard his name being mentioned a few times when we were going out, however took no notice.

 

So the past few weeks i finally arrived in Australia. I have kept myself busy, looking for work and getting a new life setup for myself. I feel very happy here, and its beautiful, and i really like the people. A new life. I feel i can do anything, and don't think about her as much anymore. Her birthday passed, and i didn't message her. I thought about it, but decided y? what would it accomplish. Meanwhile she is at home, stuck in a relationship with old fat guy with kids who is making nothing, and she is making no money in her job, she looks unhappy in her main pic on FB and doesn't look like she is ever going to leave and chase her dreams. Maybe this rebound will burn out, and she will continue her pattern of chasing the perfect guy. When maybe she needs to look at herself, and realize maybe she is the problem, and needs to work on her issues. I almost feel sorry for her, as often when i was travelling i said to myself "if only she could see this with me" or "if she could see me now". So today while on FB, i noticed she had changed her Profile pic again. However its funny, its a pic she had taken a few years ago, and she knew it was always my favorite pic of her.

 

I wonder as the year went by, is she not regretting things? Maybe/Maybe not. I cant do anything. She made her feelings clear that day she left.

 

I have had a roller-coaster of a year, i have learned a lot about myself, something i didnt like, other things i did. I have had many up's and down's. I often thought of reaching out, maybe write an email anything. However i respect myself too much, and i stayed NC. No begging, no late night text's,no phone calling. I admit, i have taken a few peeps into her FB during the year, but its like sticking your hand in a fire. Its not easy at the start, but hang in there.

 

I took charge of my life, and realized this year that your happiness cant be depended on another person. You make your own life. I'm stronger, happier, healthier, more loving, more caring and i'm enjoying life. I have made so many new friends, and i feel my life is back on track and i'm accomplishing my goals.

 

As its Christmas, maybe im being nostalgic now and thinking of her, as its my first Christmas in 3 years being single, and also thinking over the past year. But i wouldn't change any of it. Life is the best teacher, and i wouldn't be where i am right now , if it wasn't for the experiences and the pain. Im in a lot better place of mind, and i have learned to let go. I miss what we had, the friendship, the trust and companionship. Who knows, maybe some day she might reach out, maybe not. Who cares.

 

But like the famous Beatles song "Life Goes On"

 

I want you all to remember this.

 

Today's Pain is tomorrows strength.

 

Gaelicsoul

[Jenuine]

I read through the entire thing. You are an inspiration. I'm impressed by your determination and will power to keep NC for an entire year. You really are a gem! You got to experience life and do things lots of people dream to be doing (travel) It's refreshing to read your post.

 

When you look back do you think everything worked out for the best? From what I read it really seems like it.

[BrianH46]

Wow this post had one of the most profound effect on me out of all the ones that I have read... Thank you very much for posting.

[GaelicSoul]

Thanks Jenuine, its been a long year. Today is New Years Eve, and i can remember exactly what i was doing this time last year with my Ex. She broke up with me the 1st week of January. Everything has worked out for best in my opinion. I have met so many wonderful, interesting, crazy people while i was travelling this year. I have grown up so much in the last 12 Months, and am in a much better place of mind. It's not easy, and i had many lonely lonely points during the year, but i took charge of my situation, and stopped blaming others for my unhappiness. Keep yourself busy, and realize your own mistakes too. I miss my friendship with her as she was my best friend, but as i haven't heard from her in a year, i take it shes happy now. I don't wish her any ill.

[FreeFallFeelin]

Well Mr. Soul, I must say that the story line of your relationship seems to be a very common one. Relationship hits the 2.5/3 year mark and it just falls apart. Just know that it isn't all your fault. Takes two to square dance. Anyway, I also went to SE Asia ...for an entire year (2006), just because I always wanted to do something like that, so I did. Most amazing experience of my life (x10) !!! I had also left behind a girl, and was quite sad at first. But after traveling for so long, you just get into the rhythm of constant change and moving on. When the heart grow weary, travel far!

[RastaPasta]

Thank you for sharing. I will be making a post like this one year from now.

[cbzfmoc]

Hey there GaelicSoul, it felt so good reading your post. Thank you so much for sharing. It's people like you who give me the hope and strength to move on.

[GaelicSoul]

Well Mr. Soul, I must say that the story line of your relationship seems to be a very common one. Relationship hits the 2.5/3 year mark and it just falls apart. Just know that it isn't all your fault. Takes two to square dance. Anyway, I also went to SE Asia ...for an entire year (2006), just because I always wanted to do something like that, so I did. Most amazing experience of my life (x10) !!! I had also left behind a girl, and was quite sad at first. But after traveling for so long, you just get into the rhythm of constant change and moving on. When the heart grow weary, travel far!

 

Thanks FreeFallFeelin, very true. I did so many things in SE Asia that i never dream t i would do e.g White water rafting, Scuba diving, bungee jumping, learning to ride a motorcycle in 20mins, then drive for 4 days 700km in an easy rider tour! Snakes, Scorpions lol It makes me smile every time, and was the happiest time of my life. I do miss my family and friends at home, but i know they are all cheering for me.

 

It was my Ex's and my longest relationship. Normally her's lasted around a year and then she bails.

 

 

Roll on 2012

[GaelicSoul]

Thank you so much all for your kind comments. If you have any questions please ask.

[Jenuine]

How did you do it? Didn't it hurt?

I'm still in a relationship but I'm wondering because I know some guys aren't keen on displaying emotion like women are, didn't it hurt? All that pain? Did you suppress it or what? How did you deal with it? Were you tempted to crack?

Im wondering because I have a habit of becoming obsessive in my relationships but it stems from insecurity and fear. So I've been pulling back and learn to trust the person I'm with. So far it's been two days and I'm proud of myself, sometimes I feel like cracking and obsessing but it won't help me. So I was wondering you went nC for a whole year! That is so impressive! I have never heard of someone going NC for an entire year. You must feel so proud. Your mentality and self-control and will power is incredible. You're my inspiration. You teach me and I'm sure other people in your boat that life is still and always important and that you're number one at the end of the day.

 

I bet you'll meet an amazing girl!

[giraffegirl]

aww, what an inspirational story, that really was amazing, i feel so much better for reading that

 

Welcome to Australia!

[GaelicSoul]

Hi Jenuine,

 

Ok to answer your questions, when the breakup happened like most people i was in complete shock. I couldn't figure out how somebody that i loved so much, and cared deeply about had decided to walk out. I saw so much potential in our future, travelling, career etc For the first few months i kept a very low profile. I found myself going on the internet looking for answers, and didn't want to talk only to a few close friends and my family. I deleted her from facebook the day after she broke up with me and her friends a few months later. I had to do this, as i didn't want to see her with other guys, and it would have tormented me.

 

I kept thinking to myself for the first part of the year she is only confused, she'll come around. My family and friends were shocked she left, but said its for the best. It took me a long time to realize it was final. She broke up with me before in the past for 3 weeks, and came back. But as the months went by, the reality kicked in. When she declined to meet me for the coffee about 1 months post breakup, i really began to realized she really was gone. Best advice was to move on, go NC and work on yourself.

 

After a few months i started to get out more and socialize with friends. I dreaded heading out on Fri/Sat nights, so i wouldn't bump into her, or see her with a new guy etc. I found talking to my best friends really helped, and listen to their advice. There was times i completed broke down crying, even in front of my best mate, which im not embarrassed to admit. Times during the year, i would be thinking over things in my head and tears would roll down my cheek. But once i made my mind up to leave my job/country/old life things started to change for the better, and i began to relax and start having fun. During my adventures in SE Asia, i kept a little journal with me. From my first lonely night in Bangkok to 4 months later. I poured my emotions, how i felt, funny stories, desires, everything. It was very therapeutic, and would recommend people keep a little diary.

 

I started to read some amazing books like The Way Of The Superior man, and what women really want. Although the titles are corny, it showed my a completely new perspective on relationships, and made me question myself honestly. I would highly recommend these for any guys.

 

All i can say is protect your heart, that's what i did. If my Ex had reached out this past year, depending on what she would say then i would reply. However she hasn't. Plus shes in a new relationship. I never got closure from the breakup, the only closure i got was within myself. I just shrugged and said "Whats the point?" She told me to my face she didn't love me anymore. So i had no other option but to go NC.

 

Haha, im looking forward to my next relationship, whomever that might be. I have learnt so much from the last relationship, i'm more wiser and assertive now. There is lots of things i want to do in 2012. Who knows what might happen!

[Jenuine]

Your optimism is really infectious. I'm amazed, and really happy for you. You have such hope and happiness in yourself and towards your future. A very attractive quality to have in oneself! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and I'm sure many people will catch that vibe from you. Wow. I'm definitely saving this in my bookmarks

 

Good for you! She doesn't know what she lost. Trust me! But you're moving on to better things and I guarentee you'll find those things. You keep me inspired to keep positive and optimistic and to change my own ways of thinking.

[LaKings55]

My hat goes off to you Gaelic, really inspiring stuff.

[replytome]

Thanks FreeFallFeelin, very true. I did so many things in SE Asia that i never dream t i would do e.g White water rafting, Scuba diving, bungee jumping, learning to ride a motorcycle in 20mins, then drive for 4 days 700km in an easy rider tour! Snakes, Scorpions lol It makes me smile every time, and was the happiest time of my life. I do miss my family and friends at home, but i know they are all cheering for me.

 

It was my Ex's and my longest relationship. Normally her's lasted around a year and then she bails.

 

 

Roll on 2012

 

I had pretty much the same story and did the same thing, thailand and australia. all the rafting bungees skydives and the works. Time of my life. Its been 9 months for me of strict NC. Its funny, it felt like i was reading my own story.

 

Now i live in England, and she in my hometown in Europe... moving on much easier now that i have routine back as well. I think travelling helps up to a point..

[shotinthedark]

Great news, man. You did the right thing, 100%. If you had heard this guy's name while you were dating, he was definitely in the picture near the end. No use crying over spilled milk, though. You're miles ahead of where you were a year ago. You've got life in the palm of your hand, an amazing story.

 

Me and my girlfriend of 8 years broke up about 6 months ago. I've been no contact as well. I've heard rumblings of the 'new guy' and her on FB as her profile picture, but luckily I don't do Facebook. Funny coincidence, I knew of this guy near the end of the relationship as well. It all makes too much sense, doesn't it?

 

I can GUARANTEE you she still thinks about you, possibly with regret, and most of that is because of your will-power and self-pride to stay NC. Don't ever go back on it. She's probably wondering if you're better off without her, if you were the one that 'got away', etc....

 

Keep your head up, man. My life has improved 10-fold ever since the break-up as well. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut, and it takes something drastic to bust you out of it and seize the reigns of life again.

 

Best of luck in the New Year.... the next girl is gonna be lucky to find a well-travelled, emotionally mature dude such as yourself.

[Chandra]

So congrats on your amazing story. I am actually planning on going to South Asian this fall (how convenient). So i must ask, where did you visit?

[dbhustla]

wow im shocked how much of a simialr situation im in minus the NC that im starting with the new years, you brought hope and determination for me.i wanna say thxs for posting cuz you hit alot of emotional button and now i know whatever happens its for the best and the saying "in one year reguardless of the outcome we both(me and ex) will be happy !!!" thxs again

[salaz004]

Thank you.

[GaelicSoul]

aww, what an inspirational story, that really was amazing, i feel so much better for reading that

 

Welcome to Australia!

 

Thank you Giraffegirl, im glad to be here. A little hungover from last night's celebrations!

[GaelicSoul]

So congrats on your amazing story. I am actually planning on going to South Asian this fall (how convenient). So i must ask, where did you visit?

 

Hi Chandra,

 

You will love Asia.friendly people, Massages, great food, and some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. I started in Thailand, made by way north, Then into Laos > Vietnam > Cambodia > back to Thailand (Islands, go to Koh Tao, and Phi Phi) i wont spoil it for you, but once you see it with your eyes you will understand. Then Malaysia, back to Thailand...then Melbourne Australia

 

If you want i can send you a more detaled list of places/things to do?

 

Happy New Year Dude!

[GaelicSoul]

Thank you so much for your comments. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I bet you feel a lot different then 6 months ago? Your doing well dude, keep it up. NC is not a tool to get your Ex back, its to get yourslef back to a normal healthy mental state, where your mind is clear and you can make good thought out decisions again.

 

Maybe she does think of me sometimes, i will never know. But like i said earlier, i don't hold any anger, or grudges against her anymore. All i ever wanted was her to be happy, and that goes for me too. That's the type of guy i am, and i'm not going to change. I remember one night a few months ago in Asia, i was talking to a friend about my Ex. She asked "GaelicSoul what do you really want?"...After a while i said "honestly i just want to feel happy again in myself". Once i said that, (again lol tears came down my face), i smiled and looked around me, and said to myself...look where you are, you done this all on your own. Your still alive, these people you have met travelling care about you, they like you, even though they know nothing about you. I made so many friends travelling, people from all over the world, different idea's, personalities, humor, outlooks...It really opened my eyes to endless possibilities.. I realized for so long i was living in a a box.

 

2012 you have 2 options. Dwell on the past, be angry and sad, and hold yourself back from healing. Or 2 gain perspective, find yourself again, start taking care of yourself and be a little selfish. I had the opportunity to travel, but i know some people cannot do that due to their circumstances at the moment. But if you can i would recommend taking up meditation classes, or gym, or something that gets you out of your room and comfort zone. You will always think of your Ex, not a day past this year that i didn't think of her. Some day's i would think of happy memories, other days sad/bitter ones.. But they fade after time.

[KYRiverGrl]

What an inspiring post. I hope to feel that way a year from now. I am not in the position to travel much, but after 3 weeks of strict NC (BU was several months ago) I am beginning to see progress ... passed ex and his gf in their car on my way home from work last night and I didn't have that "stabbing sinking feeling" in my stomach as I did in weeks past. So ... NC is magic. It takes time and committment, but I know I'll eventually be in the same good place you are now, GaelicSoul

[Sanders24]

This needs a bump. Really enjoyed reading OP story.

[mrtango]

Vow! Gaelicsoul, I am in my 7th month of NC after breakup and I passed through similar experiences (except it was not Asia where I went). So I hope that I will reach your state of mind one day.

You give inspiration. Thank you...