salaz004

It's getting closer to the new year and I can't help feel sad that I havent hear from you. I'm trying hard to pretend that I don't care about us anymore and I put up a front to my friends and family. I act like I am stronger than I am, I pretend so people don't know the truth of the matter and how much I miss you. I don't understand how you don't feel this way, if I am so destroyed inside by not having you. I want to know if you even care a little, you seem very happy without me around, I honestly hoped you would have text me by now, or added me on fb. You dont seem to care one way or another. It's taking everything in me just to try to forget the memories of you. I wish I could forget and not feel this way anymore. I regret the day we met.

I worry about this too...I hope I find my own kiss though. If not at least i'll start the near with my friends and only the right people in my life.

I made it through Christmas without you. I had been alright, not ok, just merely alright before this break from work and school. I had been so busy with the new job and the piles of homework and exams that i was able to keep you out of mind for hours at a time. Now i sit at home with my stomach in knots. I want this to get easier soon, I don't want to feel like you still around me. I hate thinking whether or not you are thinking about me. Sometimes I want to drive by your place, just to pretend its not over and it was all a bad dream. Its been over a month now since I last heard from you and it takes everything in me not send you a text. You seem happier without me, i've seen the pictures of you with your friends, it seems like i only held you back. I don't know what to do with all this time i have, it seems incredibly difficult to cope with my own thoughts. I did so well not to let it get to me. I don't want to mess up and call you, i want to hang on to whatever shred of dignity I have left. I still love you, but I know you only used me.

It's all think about, its just you. I know its your birthday weekend and i dont know if you even care that i didnt call. Im sure you dont. You seem to perfectly content with your friends, I dont understand this still. Im trying to fathom how to move on and stop caring about you. I know your not good for me, your a vice i cant seem to shake. Im trying hard to think about you but its damn near impossible. I cant believe how much I miss you sometimes, days like this I wish we could just go back to us, but I know that our chapter is done, and a new will begin someday. Im stuck on this last page of us and cant seem to move into something new. I have one more test, I dont know what to do when this week is up, it will a very hard week because all will have is time, maybe i can somehow avoid being along and digging into trying to figure out what your up too. I need to stop looking at your facebook, its just so hard to pretend i dont care. I hate the I love you and i hate that you dont love me, maybe you never really did.

Its just one of those nights again, ever since i got this new job and my weekends are less occupied, all have left is to think about you. It's sad that I just sit the whole day thinking and looking at your name on my gmail chat, just see you go from orange to green, makes me feel ok. It makes me feel like you a little around. I know your with your friends having fun and partying. Im sitting at home, and i finally picked up a drink, after so long of not drowning my sorrows with alcohol. I have only myself and Jack daniels tonight. I wish there was a way to get you out of my head, i ran into your brother in law, he told me that you never told them the reasons behind you leaving. I told him and he was taken back. I still cant believe you left because I wasnt tall enough for you. I have never felt so self-conscious about my height, i feel awful. I hate that i still love you like I do even after all the bs you put me through

Lately I have been obsessing over you. I try not view your profile, I have a feeling your back to your ex. I noticed he and his gf are done, what i can only assume is you went back. I guess that you know that he is the one and not me. He is taller and his parents background is more to you liking. I guess i should really just stop hoping that one day you are going to message me. I gotta stop pretending, i don't mean anything to you and i never did. I was all a lie and you used me to distract yourself. I was never worth anything to you, you made that clear. You always told me how miserable you were when you two broke up, that doesn't seem to be the case with me. I hate that i met you, i wish i never did. I could manage much better without you. When am I going to feel better, I just want to stop thinking about you. Why is that impossible.

I miss you so much. Lately it seems that im out of luck, like nobody in this world cares about me. I trying hard to be positive and believe that this is the right move and we arent meant to be, I sometimes just dont know if thats true. I hate you a lot some days. Today Im fighting back the tears because im missing you that much. I know the reasons behind the breakup, the ones you never told me. I know that you think we wont work because of my height and my parents background. In so unfair, how can you say something like after we spent two and a half years together. I loved you with all my heart and it still hasn't change. If you would come back and tell that you made terrible mistake i would understand. Sadly i know your happier with your shoes and what i can only assume a taller guy. I tried finding a date only to be turned down multiple times, this sucks. Maybe im just meant to be alone. I dont know anymore. I just want to down a bottle and pretend we are still together. I don't see anything positive in future relationships. Im trying hard not to let this ruin my opportunities with school and work. I wish you were here to help me through this, you always made want to push harder and lately im at a loss. Why am i trying so hard when you are not around anymore. If anything i do it because i hope that somehow you'll notice it. I do it all for you despite all the terrible things you said. I know you don't love me, you said so yourself, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you