Lucy3 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I have noticed a pattern in my life of how guys i've dated in the past randomly get back in touch and want to 'catch up' or 'go for a drink' - it ranges from guys i dated years ago to guys from months ago, and the guys that do this are the ones that ended it with me or who at the time decided that they didn't want to carry on dating/seeing each other after a short time..... So my question is WHY do they do this? they are the ones that decided before that they didnt want to continue seeing me, so if they still think about me obviously they didn't finish it with me all that time ago because they didn't like me or didn't fancy me or whatever? It's so weird in the last few days 2 guys from my past have popped up out of no where! both wanting to meet up with me Link to comment
quantumst8 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Eh, hard to say. I think most women would say, "Oh, they just want sex!", which it seems if you're a guy these days, then according to women, anything you do must be to get sex. But I say it could just be something as simple as missing the company of a person. I can think of many many women I'm not compatible with in a long term relationship (and who I'm not trying to have sex with either), but whose company I still enjoy. As far as my exes go, it didn't work out for a reason, but that doesn't mean there aren't things about them I don't miss. I don't call them up or contact them anymore simply because it goes against social convention. But if things weren't structured the way they were, I wouldn't mind sitting down for coffee with some of them. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 could be that they want to see if there is a connection there... I am sure that you have admirable qualities that guys had to let go of when they broke it off with you... they may have finally saw that they made a mistake in letting you get away and are looking to see if the attraction is still mutual... or some guys can come back to see where your life has taken you and possibly want to reconnect in sorts.. The only real way you would know is to ask them. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Being very inexperienced in relationships, I wonder of female exes do the same to guys. Any guys have this happen to them? Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Happens to me all the time..just 2 days ago ..3 guys. My girlfriends say i should see it as a compliment because they never hear anything back from anyone LOL.. But they are never the ones I want to hear back from..maybe thats it. Its annoying.. Oh yes and when spring arrives..I should let you see my mobile or my mailbox..really funny that is. There is something about spring.. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Being very inexperienced in relationships, I wonder of female exes do the same to guys. Any guys have this happen to them? I have had ex girlfriends come around just to see how I was months to years down the road, each time.. nothing really happened... they may do it for the reason that you had a lasting impact on their life and sometimes they still care about you long after you are gone... and so they reach out to see how you are doing Link to comment
Lucy3 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Well they always string me the line of how im such a 'nice' girl and how im 'pretty' but then why do they mess it up in the first place?? Link to comment
In the Dark Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 The guys maybe down on thier luck with women or have not found anyone better than you and think, that you may still have some lingering feelings for them to potentially get back together. Maybe they dumped you at that time because they feel they need to see if there are greener pastures 'better women' in some way compared to you out there for them. Realized there isn't so they comeback. The part where you were hurt by them does not register as they were not the ones getting hurt. Or maybe just sex..... Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 More than likely they are feeling lonely or have had some bad experiences dating so they reach back for the best thing (you) they had in the past. People change and what they want in their lives change. Many people have ended relationships thinking either they could do better or there wasn't enough in common only to find out years later and many failed dating/relationships that in fact that person was a great match for them. The best thing about this is you are in control. The best thing to do when they contact you is either ignore it or ask them "why" Why do you want to "catch up" You can ask them straight out if they are interested in trying dating again or they are looking to just hook up. Ultimately they want: 1. Sex 2. Try again with you 3. Company during a low spot in their life/dating 4. Sex (sorry it is worth mentioning again) Be bold and ask "why" I bet they will stumble a little on that question Lost Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 If i didnt pull the girl in its because I found better, or i never really liked her. When i am alone and have no one, i call them up and try again. Thats basically me giving her another shot to attract me (cause i attracted her, not so much the other way around). I had girls on my "list" who i reached out to when i was out of relationships. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 These are guys that broke up with you? Well, seems to me like they are just still interested in you. People can regret breakups, particularly if they grow and change a bit. They might be interested in you again for a relationship or just sex - impossible to tell unless you spend time communicating with them to see what it is they're coming back for. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Women tend to get back in contact with me after they've had a bad experience: been cheated on, been dumped, etc. I tend to stay in contact with women I knew in the past, just to keep myself in their orbit, so to speak. It's low-effort, and you never know what'll happen. Lostandhurt, I don't stumble when someone asks me that. "I thought you might want to hook up." Guys are that are dishonest with themselves or others about their intentions will stumble, though. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 OP do you owe them money? Could be for many reasons stated by previous posters so its difficult to determine their motive. Its probably best to ask them and not us. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This has happened to me a lot too with several guys. It always turned out they wanted to hook up or just needed my attention but nothing ever came from any of it so I just have stopped responding to old flings coming in and out of my life. Link to comment
Lucy3 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 OP do you owe them money? Could be for many reasons stated by previous posters so its difficult to determine their motive. Its probably best to ask them and not us. I have asked them before and they just say they have been thinking about me and that im a 'lovely person' lol Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I have asked them before and they just say they have been thinking about me and that im a 'lovely person' lol So you do owe them money.. Kiddin, again it could be tons of reasons. Most importantly is if you want to respond to them or not. Link to comment
Guest Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 do you think it has something to do with christmas or the holidays. you should ask what made them decide that. i know that i start thinking about my ex's during this time of year, because its a special time that I spent with them, so there could be memories? Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Usually it's for sex but also because of regrets, if you are really a 'lovely' person However when they do contact you, it's REALLY because they need someone to entertain them. So do entertain... I do. I tell them about these pair of shoes. Try it and let them suffer in silence while they are on the phone with you. Yap for an hour about a made-up pair of shoes. Tell them how really super cute shoes u just got and how it matches this and that outfit and how so and so told you that they are the most adorable shoes EVER. Connect every possible and impossible scenarios you can think of that has to do with the shoes. Before you know it, you won't ever hear back from them again. Of course some guys will question your sanity and some may even have the audacity to believe they have drove you crazy after they left but that doesn't mean they will call you again to hear about your shoes. Link to comment
Lucy3 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Enzarto- I don't think it's memories as it's guys that at the time I had only known for a few months, but then maybe I left such a lasting impresson that they remember those few months so well chr8st8na- haha i might try that, it made me laugh! Link to comment
Guest Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 ya, its weird, you know what i kind of regret never speaking to my ex, but i remember sending messages, to other ex's i have and they don't get back to me...so it kind of put me in like a never contact them again sort of attitude. maybe you're just a great gal, so they miss you. up to you whether you want to re-engage lol. Link to comment
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