Hurting so bad; desperate; can't function

[RainaBabe]

I have all the symptoms of depression. I've lost 10 pounds in the past week because I haven't eaten.

 

My (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me rather suddenly last Monday after I was rude to him on Sunday. He has a lot of issues, and so do I, but it was so out of the blue. He's broken up with me before, but we always got back together pretty soon. This time he asked me not to contact him for at least a week, and then said that he might be able to be friends with me afterward. He said I had a lot of qualities he's looking for in a girl (rare qualities, because we're geeks), but that we aren't right for each other right now.

 

I KNOW there's no one else. He's nothing if not honest, and he has a lot of traits, besides not being typically attractive, that would turn most girls off. He's not a particularly good looking man, although I always found him attractive, and although he's 25 he's only had two girlfriends before me, both of whom broke up with him. He's not hung up on either of them. He has friends, but that's about it. He lives at home with his mom, and doesn't pay rent. We're not exactly talking about a babe magnet, but I love him.

 

He keeps his promises, so when he said he wouldn't communicate with me for a week, I should have taken him seriously, but I can't believe he hasn't called me yet. It will be a week tomorrow. I'm SO miserable. I don't necessarily want to get back with him right now until I work on my own issues, but I was SO good to him, and we were often so happy together, so I don't get this. What are the odds he misses me and will eventually want me back?

[SteveNaive]

Hello RainaBabe...

 

This really is getting to you, huh? I wish I could find some words to make things a bit brighter for you, but I know that in a situation like that pretty much anything will sound profane... Been there myself a couple of months ago. Didn't sleep properly for a month and lost about twenty pounds...

 

I don't really know what I should tell you. I can't really say whether he will want you back or not, as I know too litte about the two of you. However, you should for now try to concentrate on yourself and see that you get better. Try to eat, even though you are not hungry. Try to find some sleep whenever you can, you will need it...

 

However, some things you said in your post made me wonder. I mean...when you say he has got traits that would turn other girls off and he would not be a babe magnet...what are you trying to say with that?! I hope it is not something along the lines that you are the only one who can love him? I do not wanna sound harsh...but you love him for a reason, right?! And most certainly there will be another girl out there who could love him just as much for the same reason. I had to figure out the same thing...

 

Apart from that...was it really out of the blue? You said the two of you had broken up before...so maybe there were some unresolved issues?!

 

Give things time to settle down a little. Try to calm down for yourself. I think he might have a reason for not calling you. And maybe it is even better for you if you do not talk to him for a while. It will it least spare you the possibility of being hurt again and again... Pull through girl! You are not alone with this. I wish you all the best...

[CarterJonas]

Hi RainaBabe,

 

You say you have symptoms of depression after your breakup, which is totally natural. We have all felt like this after a breakup, depressed, irratable, no appertite...you know what I mean.

 

It's very difficult for me sitting on the outside to say whether the two of you will get back together. Only you two can reconcile if you want to.

 

The only confort I can give you is to look after yourself at this time. Try and spend some time around people, family and do some physical excercise each day. You might have to force yourself to do this but once you start going it will get easier. As time passes the hurt and pain does decrease.

 

goodluck

[hazlcha]

Hey RainaBabe,

 

Sorry to hear about your troubles. You are not alone, as the song goes, I've felt rotten about a break up that I just knew was SO wrong. Hope kept me going, as did the other things in my life that I'm dreaming of. So please do what you can to cheer up - focus on important things that you do, go visit an old friend, a relative, a sick acquaintance. Cheer someone up on thhis forum, or in your neighborhood. Watch a funny TV show - just feel good about yourself and let tomorrow come on in.

[chai714]

Rainababe,

Nobody can say for sure what is going to happen with you two - no matter how much information they have. But what can you do to deal with the depression?

 

1) Drink Ensure, or another meal replacement drink. I know the feeling of having no appetite, and I couldn't afford to lose the weight. I recommend buying Ensure Plus -it has 350 calories instead of the normal 250 (get the generic store brand if possible - it's cheaper and has the exact same nutritional value and flavor).

 

2) Can't sleep? Exercise. Can't exercise? Buy an over the counter sleep-aid. I find reading to be especially helpful, cause it makes my eyes pretty tired and gets my mind off of things. Keeping a journal has also helped many people I know. You can also track your progress.

 

3) Cry your butt off. The only way to make this pain/depression go away is to go through it. Don't repress any feelings - but also don't make that desperate phone call so many of us regret making later.

 

4) Do you think you might be stuck in the mud? See a professional. They can help you help yourself.

 

*There's no cure-all when it comes to depression, but you can control some aspects of it, which can improve your quality of life.

[Foz]

hey there, i feel like im in the same boat as you, 10 days ago my live in boyfriend of over 3 years moved everything out while i was on a business trip and told me it was over when he collected me from the airport. (full story on my post)I felt my world collapse around me and am still struggling to understand why. well i guess the why is he has commitment issues. Everyone has told me not to contact him and i havent. i dont feel better for it but i do know that i have to get right in my head what i want to say to him when i do talk to him and right now im in no fit state to contact him so maybe that is why NC is good.

Like you i cant eat and have lost about 10 pounds as well. Im also on sleeping tablets and walking around like a zombie most of the time. i also cry everytime i talk about it.

I used to go to the gym 4-5 times a week and couldnt do that either but last night my mum said something that i listened to. She told me that he is probably going about his life and going out and doing things and so should i. And i thought she is right, he is probably off surfing somewhere and here am i crying away. so i went to the gym, it was tough but i went and spent 45 mins there and it wasnt so bad.

Everything is a struggle but if i want him to come back which i do, he isnt want to come back to a basket case who just cries all the time so ive got to show him and myself that i can survive. just take it one day at a time and pm me if you want.