Guys or peeps in LTR or marriage......what's normal...how often do you have sex

[Notagoodninja]

Maybe something is wrong with me. I could have sex daily but my guy (long story) claims he doesn't "need" sex

He rarely initiates sex. I usually have to beg. I used to beg daily then every other day then every 3 days and so on. Now I've learned not to even ask. He told me the other day if he "needs it he will let me know" and he told me that I am not allowed to ask for it anymore, period.

He def has issues, but my question is...what is a NORMAL healthy sex drive?

He CLAIMS he doesn't look at porn I'm positive he does and that's what screwed up his drive for me. I work out all the time I'm fit and healthy and I keep myself attractive so it's NOT me and I don't even nag at him or ask him anymore.

He only has sex once a week IF I were to beg...I'd say he'd prob ASK for sex twice a month.

In a long term relationship or marriage, what's NORMAL...how many times do you have sex per week or per month? I could have sex every day, he wants sex 2x per month, period.

[Notagoodninja]

I just REALLY need advice so please answer this if you read this, answer I need to know if somethings wrong with ME and if his sex drive is normal? I know he gets hard each day, but claims doesn't mean he's "horny"

Nothing I do can seduce him, but he does check out other girls (usually ages 14-20) all the time even in front of me. He won't stop so I have to accept it.

[Saffron_]

He checks out girls aged 14-20?? So...he checks out children?

[Notagoodninja]

well I think so! but nowadays most guys can't tell how old girls are, so a lot of 14 and 15 yr old girls look 18 i know my sister does...

so yes i think it's pedaphiliaish but like guy friends say the same thing? so i dont know what to think?? do you think he's a pedaphile maybe?

[OrangeMoon]

Leave while you are still young enough to have a healthy sexlife AND a good relationship with a man. Why do you put up with this? He is lusting over other much younger women. That's his true desire and he has most likely 'settled' with you despite how great you look. Don't waste your good years..dont waste them girl..time goes fast..

 

or get a lover..yeah its cheating..but i dont like him ;-)..

[DrKitten]

Nothing I do can seduce him, but he does check out other girls (usually ages 14-20) all the time even in front of me. He won't stop so I have to accept it.

 

Or you could leave. Then you wouldn't have to deal with it at all, AND have the chance to find someone who actually wants to be intimate with you.

[Notagoodninja]

Hey girls thanks for the advice, but I did leave for a couple months and I know that's not very long but I felt like nobody wants me anymore I am 30, everyone treats me like I'm old. I work out all the time, do the whole long hair thing...makeup blah blah. I have a good personality. But I NEVER get hit on...EVER............and if I do give out my number (like when we were broken up) the dudes didn't even call me back, it was such a huge burn!! I know maybe I'm all screwed up from being with this guy going on 5 years he makes me feel so old and broken. But when we were broken up my self esteem was still low and still no one gave me the time of day...

[Notagoodninja]

My guy always told me "every man wants a 19 year old" and it seems that way too cause like at the gym where I go, I try the hardest to help around it and help peeps out, I work out with everyone as much as possible and am cheerful kind etc but all the guys go for the 19 year old university students...they don't give me the time of day, trust me. So I feel like maybe my guy was right, I don't understand it.

[Notagoodninja]

BTW someone PLEASE tell me what a normal sex drive is? lol lol

[DrKitten]

Notagoodninja, comparing yourself to to 19 year olds won't serve you. 30 is not old (though why does your profile say 46?) It seems like the problem is your self-esteem. Treat yourself well because you deserve it, not because you're looking to get hit on. You need inner happiness with yourself, not validation from sleazy skirt chasers.

 

As for a normal sex drive? That's all accross the board, though twice a months is definitely low. My boyfriend is 30 and we have sex 5-6 times a week. Together for 1.5 years.

[LDRohnos]

1-50 times a week. I'd include 0 and 51 but that would just be silly. Every couple is different, if you feel you need more lovin buy more candles.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's different and depends on what life is doing at that moment. Could be 3-4 one week Nd only once the next.

[bulletproof]

It's really hard to answer your threads because you seem to have contradicting information all over this forum. Your profile says you're a 46-year-old male. You have posts that say your ex/current bf is abusive. Now you're wondering if he's a pedophile? Your sex life is really the last problem in the relationship.

[MyNinja]

I'm sorry, but I'm confused here. Are you a male or female? Are you 30 or 46?? I think we need to clear the conflicting information here first.

[mindi]

Yes, the information is really confusing. I thought maybe you had the wrong info to hide your true identity, but in that case, why put anything at all?

 

From what I have read, the "average" is once a week in a long term relationship, but most of these people feel they have sex less than other couples do. In my opinion there is no set number on what is normal. It depends on a lot of things, one of those things being stress. If you are begging, do you think the guy is using sex as control over you? Do you feel that he is sleeping with someone else? If it is because of stress, pressuring him will only make it harder.

 

As for being 30, you are still young. You can feel old when you are 50. It sounds like you take care of yourself. You are only as young as you feel. If you are wearing foundation to try to look younger, stop. It really ages the skin. Don't wear anything unless you really "have to", in the case just stick to a little concealer and light powder. Wash the makeup off at night and don't wear it everyday.

 

I am 28, I go to college, and I am a tired mother of a toddler. I spend all day looking into the fresh faces of 18 and 19 year olds. I used to look in the mirror when I got home and feel and an old hag. Then I think about it rationally. How does my face compare to others my age? How does it compare to those who are older than me? I realized that many of my classmates had no idea how old I actually was, thinking I was the same age as them. When they found out my age, they were in shock. I seem young for my age, because of how I am and how I act.

 

I like looking into the face of my husband, who is exactly the same age as me (3 days older). I like seeing the same little wrinkles starting to become more prominent around our eyes and mouths when we smile. We met just before turning 24. I think it is really cute, the idea of aging together.

 

If you boyfriend says "every man wants a 19 year old girl", it's total . Especially for a guy who doesn't even want to have sex. If the fantasy of porn gets in the way of him wanting sex with you, let him settle for his hand. Move on. There are plenty of men who would love to be with a 30 year old!!

[greywolf]

Are you sure he's gay?

[Keyman]

From a porn perspective, the seeingly most attractive girls are what the call teens - supposedly aged 18-19. They haven't had to work to keep their complexion, their tone and they are legal. For older guys (30+), they are the fantasy women of today and you are right, it's hard to tell how old a girl is. Just based on this, I don't think he is a pedaphile.

 

The fact that he will openly look at these girls when he is with you is more of a respect thing and would lead me to believe that he does look at porn, the 'teens' I mention and that is why his eyes easily go to these younger girls.

 

As for the fact that he doesn't want to have sex with you might suggest that he is either addicted to masterbating or he no longer finds you sexually attractive. That he has told you bluntly to stop asking for it and that he will tell you when he wants it would suggest these two are possibly the reason.

 

Having had two 5 years relationships, an average of once a week was typical although these days I prefer more. I guess I average 5 times a fortnight now although could do it every day with my girl, if she'd let me...

[april15]

Normal is just a number that fits lots of people. Your man may not fit that number. Normal I think is 2-3 per week. I do not really fit in that # with my wife. I want her nearly every night. She is ok with twice a week and we meet somewhere in the middle most weeks. I am concerned with his lack of respect for you and your needs. I think you are headed if not already on a slippery slope that is very difficult to climb back up.

[drummergirl]

Normal doesn't matter. What matters is that you find a guy that has a sex drive that is compatible with yours and that respects your feelings and need for sex. I do think that your sex drive is within a normal range though.

[hopelesssucks]

1-50 times a week. I'd include 0 and 51 but that would just be silly.

that's awesome and HUH-larious! i'm totally stealing it. hope you don't mind me snagging your joke next time i need to make an argument for the frequency...er,...nonfrequency of my sexlife.....

[LDRohnos]

that's awesome and HUH-larious! i'm totally stealing it. hope you don't mind me snagging your joke next time i need to make an argument for the frequency...er,...nonfrequency of my sexlife.....

 

My mental ramblings are free to use as you please!

[21ThousandPlus]

and he told me that I am not allowed to ask for it anymore, period.

 

Whaaaat? You are not "allowed?"

 

I do not know what this guy's sexual issues are, but I find a statement like "if he needs it he will let me know" odd. What is sex to him? A vitamin? To me sex is about desiring your partner, not about getting serviced every 3,000 miles as needed.

[RyanJ]

Whether or not you can tolerate it is a separate issue; fact is his low desire for you is affecting your self-esteem.

 

As for normal, as others have said - it varies. I'm 24, I've been living with my girlfriend for 3 years, and how often we have sex varies with schedule. When we have the time, usually 3 times a week or so. She recently started running her own salon and works insane hours, so it's been cut down to 1-2 times a week (it's rough, but I understand).

 

There are TONS of guys out there who would call a guy insane for turning you down that much. I would agree with others that your self-esteem, not your age or your looks, are likely the reason why men aren't paying a lot of attention to you. There are sites with thousands of 20 something guys looking to experiment with women in their 30s, maybe that would interest you, maybe not.

 

As long as you aren't morbidly obese or hideously disfigured, I guarantee you it isn't your looks.

[K McCalister]

I am in a similar scenario but I am a guy and it is my girlfriend who has no interest in sex. Asking gets me nowhere as does trying to Initiate something. I too have stopped begging as it is depressing and usually ends in arguments. However in my situation we have only had sex once in over 3 months; and this is fairly typical now. Once a week sounds like a dream. We don't have kids and are not marrried and are both young. We have been together 4 years and sex has been decreasing rapidly since day 1. I would love to have sex more than once a week but honestly I don't think it will ever happen. It has been 8 weeks since we last had sex and I am tearing my hair out. And she wonders why I am down sometimes. Sorry I couldn't be more help, but I have been asking what the average is for a long time and know how you feel, you want to know if it is you being silly or if there is a genuine issue. Hope you can sort things out between you.

[Notagoodninja]

Haha cool are you out West, gimme your number lets go have sex! Lol I'm kidding Im just...burnt out I guess.