lyndsaylynn Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 This will be the first time in over 20 years that I will not send a Christmas card to my ex. I have been remembering how bad I felt earlier this year when I didn't receive a birthday card from him. I was so hurt and felt like he had already forgotten about me and that he no longer wanted anything to do with me. My son reassured me and said that he doesn't deserve to receive any acknowledgement from me and that it will send the clearest message yet that I am out of his life and that he needs to know that. I doubt he will even care that I don't send a card. So why do I still feel so bad? I guess I just don't want to hurt anyone, even him. Any thoughts? Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 U need to think about your needs, not his Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I think you were just so used to sending him one that it's kind of throwing you for a loop. It's ok if you don't send it. It's not the end of the world. Link to comment
mikhylabelle Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 hey. I understand how you feel. Every christmas, i give gifts to everyone, including the neighbors, and the people at work, because this is the only time i can show them how i appreciate all of them. And if i miss giving a gift to someone i know is important in my life, i feel really bad. And of course, our exes are a big part of our lives. Especially for you, you have been with him for 20 years, so i understand how you feel, and it's okay to feel that way. BUT... i think it is best not to send one. The relationship is over. If it was his choice to leave, he needs to know and feel that he is no longer a part of your life. And... if he was the one who left, it is possible that he is not expecting to get a card, or anything from you too. So, just respect his decision and let things be. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Your son is very astute. Listen to him....he has your best interest at heart. Link to comment
RedDress Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 For what it's worth and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think that not receiving a Christmas card is on the same snub-level as not receiving a birthday card. With Christmas cards it's so common for people to forget, run out of time, etc. and you receive so many of them from such random people (your dentist, your long lost cousin, etc) that unless you take inventory... do you even notice? I think you are being hard on yourself for making the same pain-level comparison and really... it's a baby step in the right direction. Besides... if you want to go elementary school about it, he started it! Lol! Now go get some nog. It'll be fine. And merry Christmas! Link to comment
DN Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 People who leave a relationship are in a no-win situation with birthday and Christmas cards. If you don't send one you are heartless and uncaring, if you do send one you are sending mixed messages or giving false hope. e.g. see here: The brutal truth is that when a relationship is over, neither partner owes the other anything and it is almost always better to make clean break. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 This will be the first time in over 20 years that I will not send a Christmas card to my ex. He's been your ex for 20 years? I have been remembering how bad I felt earlier this year when I didn't receive a birthday card from him. I was so hurt and felt like he had already forgotten about me and that he no longer wanted anything to do with me. The hurt and pain reflects that you still have some attachment to him at least. Him ignoring you forces you to face that attachment in a painful way. My son reassured me and said that he doesn't deserve to receive any acknowledgement from me and that it will send the clearest message yet that I am out of his life and that he needs to know that. You have a smart son. I doubt he will even care that I don't send a card. So why do I still feel so bad? I guess I just don't want to hurt anyone, even him. Whether he cares or not doesn't matter. You need to care about you. Sending him a card will hurt you. Not sending him one will help you accept he's not part of your life, and help detach yourself from him emotionally, which will still hurt a bit but you need to do that to move on. Not sending a card also shows that you are taking the break-up seriously and respecting his decision to detach from you. Link to comment
lyndsaylynn Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Thanks so much for all the great comments! I appreciate the valuable insight and it definitely helps me feel better about not sending the card. winniethepooh, No, we have been best friends and were together for over 20 years. He broke up with me in August of this year. Link to comment
Nugs Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Me, 18 year relationship, loved her entirely, ended Sept, someone else. Ain't no card going her way! She will care in that she will be aware I haven't sent one but I don't suppose she is expecting one. Ps. got one from her parents (who I was/am really fond of) and they garbled on about their plans for Xmas and their planned extension next year. It made me so sad - they are lovely people and they are obviously hating this too. Collateral damage..... Link to comment
lyndsaylynn Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Hi Nugs, I'm sorry she left you for someone else. At least it is nice to know her parents still remembered you and sent you a Christmas card. Link to comment
LaceWing Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I was in a similar predicament, although I came to the conclusion that the past is the past, and what better time to put it all behind me than the last month of 2011? I see Christmas as a time for healing, and to appreciate those we love and who love us (and are in our lives). The person I was considering sending a card to chose to snub me (not for the first time), and it's natural for me to feel guilty for not doing what seems decent behaviour by acknowleding someone I cared about....but then I realised that this year has been tough for me. I have never cried so much as I have this year, and I believe the emotional turmoil has taken it's toll to a degree, but now it's healing time. Time for focus on ME. So, no Christmas card for anyone who doesn't care enough about me to show me decency.....they are in the past now. It's sad that we have to feel we cannot send a card, and it's very sad if we experience irrational guilt for not sending one....but some of us are naturally caring and like to reach out in peace....but there are times when we have to be strong and think of ourselves and those who are a strong part of our lives. That time is now. Have a peaceful and joyful Christmas! Link to comment
lyndsaylynn Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 Thank you for your wise words, LaceWing. I appreciate your insight. Link to comment
Autumnleaves Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Do what feels right for you. It's not that big a deal really if you don't decide to send one. I have no intention of sending any to my ex or his family...they are my past, that's how I look at it. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.