Came home from work and my wife was gone

[smilieman]

Thank you. i don't know how I'm going to get through this. I keep getting urges just to give in and end it all. They're getting worse. I feel so sick, hungry & cold. I don't want to spend xmas alone and go into a new year without hope. Sorry, but I just really, really want to die right now. Sorry!

[Janeiac]

smilieman, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know you've been struggling to hang on to your marriage for some time and this is a big disappointment.

As dark as it is, and as much as it all hurts, that's all it is-- a disappointment. It doesn't have to be the definition of your *self.*

You can get through this, and you will. It's normal to feel sad and lonely. Feel your feelings, and allow them to pass. They will.

Meanwhile concentrate on nuturing yourself. Do a little walking, and keep looking for work. Think how much better you'll feel after getting a job. Make your own self your priority for right now. That means working very hard to take care of YOU. After you start work, and when you feel a little better (you WILL!) you can go make some new friends.

We are all here for you.

[Thorshammer]

Life can change with the years, things can change dramatically in the span of 2 to 3 years. You can meet new people, learn new things, all this is possible if you put the work in. You havent expended all you can be yet, you dont know what else is out there, you dont know the person you can try to become. I know a lot of people that wanted to "give up", and they kept pushing, they are not the same person as before, and though we dont bring it up anymore, they are very happy to become the person they are. They used their bad experiences as the fuel to change themselves, and their outlook on life. They looked at their bad-experiences as hard lessons that opened new doors.

[mikhylabelle]

Hey, smilieman. Hang in there. You are in a very, very tough situation, and it really is devastating. But... you have to stay strong.

 

Same thing happened to me last year. My ex-fiance' and i were living together, and it was one month before our wedding. Everything was ready, the dress, the reception, the church, etc. When i came home from work.. the first thing i noticed in the garage was that his gardening tools were gone. I went to the master's, and all of his things/clothes are gone, including the engagement ring. He also left me a letter like your wife did, saying he thought things over, and he didn't want to get married, and that he is sorry, and he hopes i forgive him. His fone was also turned off forever, so i have no way of calling him. (i later figured out, he changed his number)

Like you, i also felt alone. I am an immigrant here, and i only have a few friends. And to make matters worse, it started raining so hard that day while i was reading his letter.

 

I couldn't forget the pain i was feeling, and i felt so hopeless. I cried hard and loud. I spent the entire day crying, and i felt i was dying too.

 

But... i am telling you, there is life after this. I am still here after that painful experience, and even though my heart is still broken, God has blessed me with so much more in different aspect of my life. There are people who care about you, and who wants you in their life. It's not only her.

 

You have to stay strong, and show her your worth. Breakups are hard, especially when it comes at a time when everything in our lives are falling apart. But... dark days are not forever. The sun will rise, and soon, you will see sunshine again. We might just be strangers, but we are kindred spirits. We care about you, and we want to see you get through this.

 

Hugs.

[smilieman]

Janelac, I know you are right. I have put a lot of effort into building me and concentrating on me and it has got me nowhere, absolutely nowhere. I don't know what else to do. I'm looking for work so badly and I just can't seem to get a break. I have had enough. 2 years of this has certainly had it's toll.

 

I have taken these sleepy tablets and can't sleep. All I want to do it end it and that feeling's getting stronger by the minute. I'll call the samaritans again. The phone bill's going to be high, but it's better than dying, isn't it? God, I feel so desperate.

[curiocity]

If it makes you feel anything let me tell you my story too. You can also look up my previous posts to read my story. I was forever in love with some girl who broke me, and I just couldnt move on. I missed her to pieces and my heart was so heavy.

 

Then in 2010 I met someone by chance and had a connection. And this time I was so mature about it, I was so careful about it. And now it failed too. But now I pine for her instead of that first girl.

 

And it makes me chuckle. Here I was 2 years ago feeling desperate about some girl and here I am today pining over someone else.

 

But you know what makes me smile: look life moved on and we all think we will never find another, but thats BS, and trust me some day in the near future you will be heartbroken over some other girl.

 

Just realize that for what its worth. Thats life. We are gladiators in this arena of love and emotion. And we will fight on.

 

The best way to get over a heartache is to find a new heartche. Go find your new heartache. God speed!

[smilieman]

Thank you all. I shall try to sleep now, just for a while. I hope that I can.

 

I shall keep in touch that's for sure. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Each one tugged at my heart.

 

~S

[NotSoHotBoy]

you said you came home from an interview. A job interview?

 

Don't kill yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Pop some benzos or go out drinking and womanizing if you have to. I am pretty sure suicide would be a much more unpleasant experience. It is also a permanent fix for a situation that will change. PM me if you want to chat. I'm going through a breakup, and doing it badly, too.

 

She probably doesn't think you make enough money. That is part of the problem I have now. You have to be able to support your wife to a lifestyle that keeps her happy and makes her feel secure. If not she will look around for someone else who does, and leave you for him. Until she finds someone, she is unlikely to leave you. * * * * , I know, but that's the way it is,and it happens all the time.

 

Work at increasing your income or find a woman with lower expectations.

[smilieman]

Oh God! I feel awful! I think I'm gonna do it. Help me! Will call Samaritans again.....

[diamond78]

Oh God! I feel awful! I think I'm gonna do it. Help me! Will call Samaritans again.....

 

Hi,

 

You don't know me, but I don't want you to take your own life. You were blessed enough to be given life and you should live it to the fullest. We all go through hurdles, some worse than others, but life doesn't have to always be pain and sadness. You can choose to live a happier life if you believe in yourself and your capabilities.

 

I don't know if you believe in a Higher Power, but you will be in my prayers tonight for peace, strength, hope, and happiness.

[20sgal88]

No, don't do that! Why would she leave you? You've only been married 6 months? What's her problem? I'm going to look at your other posts to discern what's going on here. I'm confused. I'll be back.

[20sgal88]

Here I am again. I read your first post here, ever. She sounds like a wretch. Now, I haven't lived in her shoes so I can't fully understand what's going on but it's very peculiar to me she wouldn't even try to work on the relationship. You two have been together for almost a decade and she doesn't communicate, just flippantly walks away? Cold blooded. Maybe she’s a sociopath and it took all these years for her to finally burst.

 

I’m sorry about all this. I wish there was more I could say and actually a piece of advice to give. I wouldn’t know what in the hell do if I was in the situation myself. I’d react with anger, I know that. That probably wouldn’t help, though. You’ll get through this. Like you said, take it a day at a time. If I were you, I’d resent her for all of this. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe it’s a good thing she’s out of your life.

 

How can a person just snap like that? It’s kinda scary. I guess it could happen to anybody at any time. All we can do is breathe and put one foot in front of the other…

[20sgal88]

I see you're still online. Are you alright, man? Don't do anything stupid! You're a complete stranger to me but this is freaking me out! Just calm down and talk to us. Come on...

[smilieman]

I call the samaritans and the crisis team. It helps to talk, but it's only short-lived.

 

Diamond: Thank you. But, my life has been one big hurdle after the other. I know that others have had a worse life than me, but mine has been a real struggle for 45 years. I have had enough of being on the receiving end of stuff and I can't believe that at a time when I am just starting to get somewhere with work, I'm being kicked down again. I don't believe in a higher power, unfortunately, and if there were one then why am I being tormented like this year after year after year?

 

20sgal88: We've been married 18months. 12 months when all this started.

 

God, I can't stand these feelings. I don't feel safe on my own at the moment. I have never wanted not to be here as much as now. I big part of me wants to live, but I can't fight this anymore. I have nobody (apart from you guys). I feel so alone.

[jumbrella]

Hey,

 

I know the pain, hurt, and despair must be terrible right now. And I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really am. But don't succumb to it. All of us here are pleading with you NOT to do this!

 

I don't know your life story, only what you've written in here. But trust me, with time, the hurt will fade and things will get better.

 

Everyone has different stories, different lots in life. So many people on this very website have gone through very dark and often, very unfair, life situations. Just take a read through the various forums. But guess what? So many of them have made the choice to work through the pain. No, its not an easy road, but by doing so, they come out far stronger, better, and happier in the end.

 

Someone else is never worth taking your own life for. You and your life are far too valuable!... you can find happiness, love, and fulfillment in the future, but you have to give yourself the option to do so.

 

We're with you.

[smilieman]

I see you're still online. Are you alright, man? Don't do anything stupid! You're a complete stranger to me but this is freaking me out! Just calm down and talk to us. Come on...

Sorry for scaring you, I'm scaring myself too! Thank you for being there for me. I really don't know what to do..... I really don't

[smilieman]

You are all so nice!

 

My life story in a nutshell: Childhood 2-21 years. Beaten by my father constantly (broken bones, etc). Beaten & psychologically abused by my mother.

 

21-23 years: First serious relationship. She cheated on me. She took the lot, left me with nothing. Left me for another man.

 

25-29 years: Another relationship. 2 dogs. Came home from work one day with empty house and no dogs!

 

32-36 years: Relationship with psycho woman. Followed me all the time, throw stuff around & made my life hell. Told storied to friends to turn them against me

 

36-45 years: Best relationship ever. Serious illness for my girlfriend lasted 7 years. Termination due to risk to unborn child. Lost job twice, out of work 2 years, got married, 1 year later she left me, came back and now left again. Heavily in debt, no money, will lose house soon.

 

Can't keep going on like this.

[jumbrella]

I think that you coming here was a first good step... very supportive, and some very wise people on here.

[20sgal88]

I do. Keep talking this out. Jumbrella makes very good points. Everyone has problems. Try not to get consumed in your own. You know…I find it therapeutic to read other’s problems and try to figure out solutions. In the very least, they at least feel recognized and that’s better than nothing. Suicide is a serious thing, don’t toy with that.

 

My grandmother killed herself. I never knew here. She died in 1960 when my mother was 7 and my aunt was 10. It scarred them for the rest of their lives. She was only 42. I often wonder what it would have been like if I had the opportunity to meet her. I will never know.

 

And that’s the thing, you never know what’s around the bend. As long as you’ve got air in your lungs keep pushing on! And I understand where you’re coming from in reference to a higher power. I’m an atheist myself. Was raised a Jehovah’s Witness for about a decade of my life. I’m done with religion period.

 

Life’s a damn enigma. It sucks, there are a lot of mysteries and unexplained things but at the same time there’s a lot of beauty. You’ve got to take that into account. What if me and you are right—and there is no god or afterlife, etc… That means every single one of us have ONE life to live and need to hold onto that life tenaciously while we have it.

 

There are people out there that sadly don’t have that choice. My boss’s nephew was in his late 30s with a wife and baby and died of leukemia. He WANTED to live watch his child grow but that was denied him. Be grateful for the life you have. You’re still here, NOTHING is over yet.

 

I find listening to certain kinds of music really helps me. It’s kind of the brooding, aggressive type but it makes me feel better because I am releasing tension. Would something like that help you or would it make you more depressed?

[smilieman]

Yes there is, but it's so hard to take much advice feeling like this. I've been told that I'm in shock by the crisis people. They are coming to see me today at some point. I have to dig deep and go for my interview today. My wife has the satnav, so I've don't know where I'm going. It's so hard to concentrate on anything at the moment. All I can think of is taking my life, I know it's not the answer, I really do, but the pain is far, far to great and more than I have ever experienced in my entire life. I just want it to stop.

 

I hear what you guys are saying, I really do and I love you all for helping me in my time of need. None of you know me and you are all willing to help. I just hope that I don't let you down.

[smilieman]

I do. Keep talking this out. Jumbrella makes very good points. Everyone has problems. Try not to get consumed in your own. You know…I find it therapeutic to read other’s problems and try to figure out solutions. In the very least, they at least feel recognized and that’s better than nothing. Suicide is a serious thing, don’t toy with that.

 

I find listening to certain kinds of music really helps me. It’s kind of the brooding, aggressive type but it makes me feel better because I am releasing tension. Would something like that help you or would it make you more depressed?

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. I feel so selfish. Yes there are people that want to live and are seriously ill, I feel for them. My own Mother died of cancer and my father killed in a horrific road accident. They didn't have a choice, I do.

 

I've never been into music, it tends to wind me up a lot. The problem with me at the moment is that I'm in panic and I cannot concentrate on anything. I find it hard to read what you guys are posting here, let alone reading more. I feel so so selfish, but I shall read them later when the panic passes. I remember last time, the panic lasted about 4 weeks. It was summer then and the weather was light. I could go out for walks and sit in the park. This time of year I can't. It's miserable.

[20sgal88]

You are all so nice! My life story in a nutshell: Childhood 2-21 years. Beaten by my father constantly (broken bones, etc). Beaten & psychologically abused by my mother.

 

I’m sorry. No child deserves that. My father was number 6 in a family of 9 and he too was beat by his father. He told me a story once when he was 12, his dad punched him in the jaw and literally flew accross the room. At 15, he smacked him so hard upside the head he passed gas in front of his friends. Those are about the only snippets my dad has confided in me. He says he doesn’t remember the majority of his childhood. I don’t know if he says that cuz he doesn’t want to talk about it or if he really doesn’t remember. Like it’s a defense mechanism or something…

 

21-23 years: First serious relationship. She cheated on me. She took the lot, left me with nothing. Left me for another man.

 

What a * * * * * . I am sorry. My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend did something similar even though she denied it. While they dated, there was this guy she always talked about and kept a picture of him on her dresser mirror right next to my now-boyfriend’s. Ended up sleeping over at that guy’s house. The break-up broke my boyfriend’s heart. But he eventually moved on and met me and here we are…still trudging along.

 

25-29 years: Another relationship. 2 dogs. Came home from work one day with empty house and no dogs!

 

Again, * * * * * move to make but you are not in control of these people, just yourself. Relationships are hard. Hell, anyone here can tell you that. But unless I was being physically and or emotionally abused, I could never just walk out on my significant other and pull everything out from underneath them. That’s bull * * * * .

 

32-36 years: Relationship with psycho woman. Followed me all the time, throw stuff around & made my life hell. Told storied to friends to turn them against me

 

You have the worst luck with women. It could be your personality type attracts abusive people. Maybe because you were abused as a child, whether you were aware of it or not, you subconsciously think it’s normal and so you end up in relationships where you are constantly the victim. Have you talked to a professional about all of this?

 

36-45 years: Best relationship ever. Serious illness for my girlfriend lasted 7 years. Termination due to risk to unborn child. Lost job twice, out of work 2 years, got married, 1 year later she left me, came back and now left again. Heavily in debt, no money, will lose house soon.

 

It’s definitely difficult times you’re in.

 

I’ll add one: smilieman: 45 years old: at his wit’s end but we’re not giving up on him. He’s a human being deserving of respect and care and shall be treated accordingly.

[jumbrella]

I know this sounds like broken record mode, but really I think you're doing the right thing by staying on here and talking to us.

 

When any kind of breakup happens and its so fresh, it hits you in a really deep way. And I think us guys tend to not have the support systems that women do, so they can hit us particularly hard. ( Which is one of the beauties of this website, since we can talk anonomously and get some support. )

 

I'm not downplaying any of things you mentioned smilieman, but I think its best for right now if you try not to focus on everything thats wrong. You have a lot to deal with. But do it a piece at a time.

 

You're hurting from your current situation. ANY person in your shoes would. Personally, I don't think you've been treated fairly, but thats neither her nor there. Right now, you just need to focus on you, and riding out this wave of emotions. Its okay to hurt, its what makes us human. Just don't make any bad decisions while under the influence of it...

 

P.S. Sorry if my replies are a little late-- it usually takes me a bit to put my thoughts to paper/keyboard strokes.

[jumbrella]

I’ll add one: smilieman: 45 years old: at his wit’s end but we’re not giving up on him. He’s a human being deserving of respect and care and shall be treated accordingly.

 

I like that ^^

[smilieman]

It’s definitely difficult times you’re in.

 

I’ll add one: smilieman: 45 years old: at his wit’s end but we’re not giving up on him. He’s a human being deserving of respect and care and shall be treated accordingly.

You certainly know how to make a grown man cry! Blimey you lot, I am so thankful you are here with me. Honestly, how can I ever repay you all?

 

No, I've never had counselling. My Dad was nasty. He used to throw me accross the room until I hit the wall on the other side, then pick me up and do it again, and again and again. One day he got me under the workbench in the shed and just laid into me with his boot for what seemed like hours. Nasty.

 

I feel like the victim, but I don't want to be, really I don't