Came home from work and my wife was gone

[smilieman]

Well, it finally happened. After an entire 6 months and the last week of trying to make things nice at home, I came home from my interview tonight and my wife had packed her stuff and gone. She left a note saying that she couldn't speak to me about it as she didn't want to see me hurt.

 

This has been going on for 6 months now. I am really scared that I will take my own life. I can't see a way out of this mess.

 

Thank you for all who have helped me in the past, I am truly grateful.

 

~ S

[curiocity]

Sorry to hear. Just breathe in and out. Know that it will get better. Read any number of stories and they all say it got better.

[SapphireNoir10]

Please don't take your own life.

 

Call a friend or family member and get them to come be with you, you need someone with you right now.

 

I am so sorry and am thinking of you. What she has done is incredibly cold and callouse, as your wife she owed you more than this. I think it speaks a lot about her character but that is just my opinion.

[midnightdeirdre]

What was going on in the past 6 months that led to this?

[GreenCupcake]

Since this happened unexpectedly and you're extremely overwhelmed, try to convince yourself to think rationally here. Scream, punch something, workout until you feel exhausted, call up friends/family and vent if you need to. But remember that how you feel right now isn't going to last forever. Why would you want to take away your valuable life because of someone else?

[TearsofFate]

Don't take your own life. She's not worth your life, nobody is. I know you must feel like your in a state of shock and must feel overwhelmingly sad and maybe even confused. Maybe you feel you've been hit by a truck and should just end it since it hurts so much, but trust me, this is the point in your life where you need to stand strong. You need to keep your head up and you need to live on no matter how much it hurts. Allow yourself to cry and to grieve. Hit a pillow if you have to, but don't do anything foolish because you are not thinking logically.

 

Trust me, I've been here. I've felt just like you when my ex moved out. I honestly wanted to get hit by lightning I was so upset and full of sorrow. Even during times like this, you need to try and think about people who love you and care about you. I thought of my mom. She gave birth to me and raised me, and wanted to see me do well in life. So I tried to think of her in place of my ex. I kept putting her face there when I wanted to kill myself over him.

 

I also put the faces of my pets there (I had a cat and a hamster) Who would feed them? Who would phone my mom when she's missing her daughter? Only me. Don't kill yourself over this person. She's not worth your life. Your life is very precious and with it you can be anything you wish, maybe even a hero to someone who is feeling miserable themselves. For now though, hang in there. Take all the time you need to grieve, but make sure you don't give in to sadness. Suicide is not the answer. Suicide is a deep dark dead end, where this is no hope or happiness. It's a place you don't want to go.

[smilieman]

Unfortunately, I have no friends or family around any more. I know it sounds sad, but it's a bitter truth. The past 2 years have been tough, emotionally & financially, due to me being out of work. I am to blame. Although I am getting interviews now, but how can I put myself into these when my relationship is broken.

 

I did the wrong thing. I called her and text her and just like last time, she has switched off her phone. Playing games. So remembering my education from last time I was on this forum, I text her saying:

 

"Darling, you are playing games again like I knew you would. I am glad you feel strong (she put this in her letter). You will not hear from me again after this text. I'm sorry that I was a rubbish husband. I really hope you are happy with your new life and that you are able to live with the consequences of your actions. Goodbye my love. Be happy xx"

 

Typing this I've just realised it sounds like I will be doing something bad. This was not my intention, I just typed.

 

I do't know how I've going to get through tonight. I've taken some tablets to help me sleep, issued by the crisis team in my area. They have helped all they can, but I insisted that I didn't want to go home. I hate this house and being alone in it. I shall type the content of the letter she wrote to me. I can't read between the lines as I'm too stressed, but maybe somebody can make sense of it?

 

"Dear S

 

This is the hardest things I have ever done. I'm so sorry, I never wanted to do this in this way. I was going to speak to you in person as I did on saturday. I just felt that I had no choice but to do it this way . Yes it is selfish because I do not want to see what hurt I have caused you, nothing could make me feel any worse at the moment. I totally believe you when you say that you didn't mean to do what you did saturday (I tried to hang myself out of desperation) but if I'm honest it did scare me seeing you like that, well you do know that as I did tell you on Monday.

 

I know you are going to be so angry because I have walked away, yes of course I still care for you deeply, that will never change.

 

I will still be a big part of your life and I will always be there for you but it is just not fair to keep you in a marriage when I just don't feel the same. I know that you wouldn't want me to stay out of guilt or that you wouldn't want to think that you made me stay, your morals are too strong for that.

 

I also know that it is so terrible of me to do this at this time of year, I thought long and hard about it but it was not right to leave you on a knife edge constantly wondering what was happening and not knowing. I think that would have been more hurtful.

 

Please believe me when I say that I'm not going to abandon the house and I will not leave it all up to you I will also pay the mortgage as before and I will put money in your account to cover your car insurance, phone etc and food. I;m sure you will have a job soon anyway, even though you probably don't think you will.

 

We will need to talk obviously but it's probably best left for a little while as it's all going to be very raw. One thing I thought the other day was now sometimes I feel quite strong in what I want (you would probably say cold!) but the silly thing is that I learnt all that from you - not being cold - but being strong - please remember that you are a strong person.

 

I know I could write so much but it wouldn't change what you or I are feeling so all I can say is I'm so so sorry.

 

Love T (me) xxx"

 

I really don't know what to do. I feel so vulnerable and just want the pain to go.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just breathe. I think you need to set up an appointment with a counsellor or doctor.

 

Sounds like you have a LOT on your plate and could maybe have someone professional help you come to terms with how you are feeling about everything.

[smilieman]

TearsofFate, thank you for your words. The unfortunate thing is that I have no friends left and my family are dead. I am all alone (apart from being here). My cat died also and I loved him so much.

 

Seriously, I feel worse than being hit by a truck. I just don't see how a person who is supposed to care about you so much can actually do this kind of thing. Without warning, without discussion.

 

I want to be strong, but I've been kicked so many times I just want to give in. My life so far has been so hard to navigate and I don't know how I can continue on. I know she's hurting too, but it's easier for he to run away, rather than confront her feelings.

 

Just being here is the only thing that I have got - thank you.

[smilieman]

Just breathe. I think you need to set up an appointment with a counsellor or doctor.

 

Sounds like you have a LOT on your plate and could maybe have someone professional help you come to terms with how you are feeling about everything.

I've been trying to arrange this since April this year. But just keep being out on list after list. the doctor shouted at me and told me that there is nothing he could do and I would just have to cope with it.

[SapphireNoir10]

See a new doctor or get a new doctor. You need help in dealing with this, its a massive thing for anyone.

 

Im so sorry I really feel for you.

 

Could you phone a helpline at all? There'd be someone to speak too at least.

[smilieman]

Been doing the helpline thing! They can't give advice though and it does cost on the phone bill that I can ill afford.

 

Thank you for being there, it means a lot. I just wish I could sleep. I've been given 2 sleepy tablet things tonight by the crisis team doctor. Perhaps I should give in and see if I can drift off, but I feel awful.

 

Thank you for your understanding.

[TearsofFate]

She doesn't want you to kill yourself. I haven't read your past posts but I can tell from that message alone that she didn't want you to hang yourself.

 

You have to think for a minute, what that would be like for someone else. Step into someone else shoes for a moment. What if she had tried to hang herself over something? Would that not be a terrifying and horrific thing to have to live with everyday for you as the helpless bystander. To wonder if someone who you care about will die by the hand of themselves?

 

I know because my brother once tried to hang himself for a whole year. I used to find a noose in his room. Every night I would hold my head crying and not being able to sleep. I had to keep checking in on him and it ate at my happiness and very soul.

 

Suicide was never a good idea in the past so why would it be now? It's not the answer to the pain you feel. If you want the pain you feel to go away and to never bother you again, you have to stop thinking of suicide in this way. It's not an option. It's not there for comfort or for a way out in case life gets too tough. It's not anything, it's nothing but more pain and more darkness then ever before.

 

I can promise you one thing, if you can leave your suicidal thoughts behind and work at thinking of positive ways to deal with the pain you are feeling right now, that pain will never bother you again and you can leave it behind for good and live a happy life with a bright future. Life gets rough, but no matter what happens, you owe it to yourself and to those who care about you, to never think of ending your life again. Look at what those thoughts have done for you so far? Nothing. They have done nothing at all for you.

 

Just take it easy on yourself okay? Make some hot chocolate. I actually started smoking cigarettes and joined an online gaming community after my breakup. I know it sounds bad, but it's better than doing yourself in, trust me. The pain does go away.

[harvej]

Smilieman, she is taking a break. This is a good thing for you. Go NC and get strong. Let me put things in perspective. My ex dumped.me.after 5 years the day after I came home.diagnosed with cancer. Broke up a 18party year marriage, lost my job and house and business. Then moved into a house with her new rescuer. So the point is, your love is scared that you will kill yourself and she will find you. All you need to.do is get councelling, shield her you are self healing, get that job and pick yourself up. Life is too short

for those who want to live but have no regrets choice. You do have a choice. Do it for the soldiers who have ever died in vain. The insane locked up in themselves, the homeless down on Main. For those who stand on empty shores and spit against the wind, and those who wait forever,,for ships that dont come in.". Do the right thing. She IS there for you. Don't fret about what If,s... Control your destiny aneverything will fall back into place. She ISS just scared. Prove her that you are safe. She is running from a fear of tragedy. You wouldn't want to find a love one who killed themselves either. Calm..

[TearsofFate]

Yes try and get some sleep I really hope you feel better soon!

[SapphireNoir10]

Im here for you anytime. PM me at anytime as well.

 

Have you googled to look for any free phone lines that you can ring?

 

Please look into getting a new doctor, or tell your current doctor how bad you feel at the moment.

[smilieman]

harvej. Thank you. Thank you all. You make so much sense. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face reading the support that you are giving. I know that it was the wrong thing to do and it was more of a reaction. I know she is scared, but I don't think that she will come back this time. How can I undo this damage? I have so many regrets of this. The look on her face, her screams and her begging me to stop. But she wanted to go before this, which is what led me there in the first place. I just can't see a way out.

 

What will NC do? I've tried this before, but what does it actually do? Give her space? show her that I'm not going to chase after her? I need to know what the outcome of NC is supposed to achieve.

 

You say she is there for me, but where is she now? How can she be there for me when she's gone?

 

You do make sense though, thank you.

~ S

[smilieman]

Im here for you anytime. PM me at anytime as well.

 

Have you googled to look for any free phone lines that you can ring?

 

Please look into getting a new doctor, or tell your current doctor how bad you feel at the moment.

 

Thank you so much! Do you guys know how much you are giving me hope right now? I've been calling the samaritans. The phone call is not free and I can't find any others that are.

 

All doctors offer is tablets. I can't afford these at the moment and besides they are the reason that I'm in this position in the first place. I am not poo-pooing your advice, just been there before.

[SapphireNoir10]

Therapy isn't just tablets. HE might be able to move you up the list. Talking to someone is what you need. Don't give up!

 

I'm glad were giving you hope. It will get better I promise.

[smilieman]

I really hope so. But I still don't understand this NC thing. Is it worth it?

 

Yes you are. Tell you what, if you guys weren't here for me tonight, I really believe that I would just be another sad statistic. I am in your debt.

[SapphireNoir10]

Post here everday if you need to. We will all be here. Or if no ones really online then give me a PM. I'll be there for you!

 

No contact is hard yes, but sometimes necessary to truly move on.

 

I promise you with all my heart that you can get through this.

[SapphireNoir10]

link removed They are open from tomorrow afternoon for a helpline, it's another free one.

[smilieman]

Post here everday if you need to. We will all be here. Or if no ones really online then give me a PM. I'll be there for you!

 

No contact is hard yes, but sometimes necessary to truly move on.

 

I promise you with all my heart that you can get through this.

 

At the moment I feel like posting every minute, but I don't expect you to be there for me, it's unfair. The pain in excruciating at the moment. I didn't know that it was possible to feel like this. Not this bad. Posting here is stopping me from entertaining other ideas such as ending it all.

 

So, NC isn't just a strategy to get my wife back then? It's for me to move on?

 

I hope you are right and I'll get through this. I can't see a way out at the moment. The crisis team people are coming to visit tomorrow afternoon. Perhaps a way forward can be dicussed then.

[smilieman]

link removed They are open from tomorrow afternoon for a helpline, it's another free one.

 

Thank you for this. But this is for young people. I'm hardly young!

[SapphireNoir10]

Doesn't matter! Just ring them and speak to them. I Doubt they'll ask your age. Any help you can get is worth it.

 

I am here for you, if you ever want to message me do. Its not a burden on me. I enjoying helping people on here as they've all helped me through rough times.