Came home from work and my wife was gone

[20sgal88]

Thank you all. Thank you. My wife called the police as I didn't answer my phone. They have been round talking with me. They will call her now to let her know that I'm fine, which I think is unfair as I had no way of knowing if she is fine - I know she's not.

 

Good. I’m glad she’s not fine. I’m angry at her because she’s the one that put you in this mess. Maybe it’s a bad trait in me, but the way I feel about it, let her writhe like a worm on a hook about you. She should. It’s the most evidence she’s shown of caring thus far for you.

 

I know you can’t turn your feelings for her on and off like a light switch. But you’re doing the right thing, don’t go out of your way for her.

 

He never calls. He says that she is feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything and needs a break - a bit of respite he said. He has asked me not to follow or call her and just to give her some space and although he can't promise anything, he will do his utmost to try to sort things out as much as he can.

 

Hmpf. YOU need a damn respite. She annoys me. That’s nice of her father though, to touch base with you and try to provide you with some comfort.

 

I told him that as far as I'm concerned, I think that she has left me for another man. He said to me "I think you'll find that she loves YOU".

 

I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Maybe she does love you in her own, screwed up way but it’s having a destructive effect on you. You were contemplating suicide by god and have led a very frustrating life, the last thing you need is a weak minded woman like her that takes to the hills abandoning you when something goes wrong.

 

I know she needs a break. You need a break! Don’t we all need a break? Her inability to be your rock and stay beside you in your darkest hour is troubling to me. I don’t think she’s any good for you, man. Unless she starts making some serious changes in her behavior, I don’t know about her.

 

Now, I need to get washed up, don my suit and get to my interview - this is going to be the hardest challenge of the day.~S

 

GOOD FOR YOU! That’s right. You put one foot in front of the other. Look at how strong you’re being! You have it in you. Deep down, you’re a fighter. You’re gonna get through this. Keep channeling that energy that resides within your genuine heart!

 

I would like to share the effect that you guys have had on me today. Last night I was at my wits end. I didn't know which way was up, whether I wanted to live or die. I was in total and utter shock. Now at this moment in time, I have been to my interview and secured another contract until middle or end of January, with a large employer.

 

Awesome! I am so happy to hear that!

 

While speaking to a few other people, my wife's father included, they all told me that I shouldn't go for my interview because I was in a state. Huh, how the hell did I do it? I acted as if everything was fine, even though I was feeling really, really rubbish. It's all of your faults people! I would therefore like to thank you all for giving me the strength to do just that one thing. Thank you.

 

Awww. You are very welcome. We are in a reciprocating community. We have all been helped in one way or another by each other. For people to even respond to our problems helps more than you think. Despite the encouragement you received, ultimately it was YOU that did it. You and you alone that physically got cleaned up, went there and carried it out. And you deserve credit for that. You should be really proud of yourself.

 

We were on the outside of the hole calling down to you, “Get up man! Pull yourself out!” And you did. You were on your face in a really dark, deep hole and you pushed yourself up, got to your feet and clutched, scraped and groped up the walls of the abyss. You did that, you realize. You could have remained lying there, face down. This is a good indication of what you’re capable of and I hope you really, really REALIZE that. That is a HUGE step! I’m so happy for you!

 

She then said something that really annoyed me. She said that on Saturday she hadn't made her mind up whether she was leaving or not…I know that I should take responsibility for my own actions, but how much of this has she encouraged to happen by not communicating? So, apparently, she will be calling late tonight. But, I'm not holding my breath because this is what happened last time and she didn't keep to it, so we will see.

 

Exactly. I think you’re beginning to be accustomed to her behavior patterns and see her for what she really is and so you’ve come to shape your expectations accordingly. I did not know you hung yourself! I’m glad nothing serious came of it. Don’t do that again. If you ever have that urge, you know where to come for help!

 

Today then, has been a day of change. I start work at a different company on Monday and my wife and I may be starting to communicate. I have decided that I will not contact her and I will just let her contact me as she feels fit. I have also decided that I shall be continuing with my DIY over the weekend to get the room finished. Just because I've got this stuff going on, doesn't mean that I can't do filling and painting. ~S

 

I’m so glad to hear that. Yes, let her contact you. You’re becoming stronger by doing that. The more you give into her and pursue her, the weaker you’ll become. I’m so glad you’re doing the exact opposite of that! And that’s an excellent way to manage: keeping yourself busy in a physical activity that will result in you positively accomplishing something.

 

Smilieman, remember! Geting a job is a matter of playing the odds and showing well. You need 10 interviews, to wrestle up 2 prospects. 20 to put you in a bid for 4 jobs prospects. Do the numbers, and it will all fall into place.

 

Another trick is to send your resume and cover letter with a hand written message at the bottom left hand of the envelope that states "Requested Material". Go to LinkedIn and look up the executive you want to speak with. Then go to Facebook and scan what activities or common interest that you have with them so you can discuss life and THEIR interest too. Dont forget to follow THEIR career in LinkedIn,and be able to discuss your own trajectory or ambitions that mirror THEIRS. They WILL remember you, be impressed that you did some research and your resume WILL be on the top of their list. YOU have to go that extra mile. Until you have at least 10 interviews, dont get your hopes up too much. When you do have 10, you have a choice of employers. IF you go into sales selling something YOU are passionate about, the sky is the limit ANDF your enthusiasm sells your product for you. Now you have salary, commissions and unlimited income potential. Money doenst solve everything, but money does afford councelling and takes lifes challenges off of you so you can breath.

 

Wow! That is very intelligent advice. Excellent. I’m happy you imparted that wisdom to him…and me! Lol Good point!

 

Why is everything so damn complicated? They came, the crisis people.They dropped of some tablets "Diazepam" in case I have a panic attack. They will calm me down. This is what they gave me last night. That's it.

 

I asked them about the counselling thing and whether I could be escalated. They told me that they don't deal with that because they are the crisis team. I told them that I had had a meeting with somebody in the system on Wednesday morning who recommended that I should have counselling and couples counselling. The woman said that apparently, there wasn't any of that counselling available and that all procedures for finding me counselling would stop as I was under the crisis team.

 

So, how does that work then? How stupid!

 

1) They told me that I needed a specific type of counselling and then said that there wasn't any available.

2) They told me that I needed counselling, but because I was under the crisis team then I couldn't have any.

3) Instead, they just try to drug you up. So crisis team = drug people!

4) They said that I will need to see the crisis team doctor who only works 9am-5pm, so he can't see me as I have to go to work now, from monday. So this is only available if you don't work.

 

Doesn't make sense to me, but it seems common accross the board with the NHS. I don't know how to handle this one. It's all red tape again. Perhaps I should use some of my wage money to pay for some counselling. At least that will be 6 weeks worth then, as long as I can find some cheaper one run by one of the charities here, but I feel that I need a pro-marriage counsellor at the very least. Who knows, I shall keep investigating, but it seems that a lot of the doors have been closed since I have been under the crisis team.

 

That’s frustrating as all hell! Is there anyone else that offers services besides the crisis team? They don’t seem like much help at all! I would use drugs as last, last resort. Try to get healthy without them. It’s not good to be dependent on a substance. It’s better to rely on yourself.

 

Hi all,

 

Just spoke to my wife, she phoned. Bearing in mind the letter that she wrote to me only yesterday, she has just told me that she doesn't know why she left. She didn't want to, she just did it!

 

She is hurting. We have arranged to meet tomorrow for coffee, a walk and then lunch. Her father has been talking with her and he told me that she should be a bit more receptive, which she was. He told me to treat her gently, otherwise she'll just lock up again.

 

So, this afternoon I got a job and tonight it looks like I'm en-route to getting my relationship into some kind of communication with a view to sort things out. I shall be being cautious though. This kind of thing can't keep happening and from my point of view this needs to be discussed before she moves back in. She's indicated that she will be staying at her sisters all weekend. Her sister won't be there so she'll have her own space and her father will be coming home over the weekend anyway, so she'll be able to talk with him face to face.

 

We shall see what happens now. Last time I agreed for her to come back after a week. This time maybe it will have to be longer. I'm not sure. All I know that if this happens any more, then it will need to be a permanent split.

 

I'll keep you all posted, at least I'm not suicidal today. Relatively speaking, I've had a good day, winning my job contract and communication channels opening with my wife. I have everybody here to thank for this, your support has been tremendous - your time and effort means the world to me and thank you just doesn't seem to cover it. Hopefully I will be able to sleep slightly more than 25 minutes tonight.

 

I agree with everything you said. She needs to work the kinks on her end out or there’s no use trying to fix anything with her. I’m beginning to really like her father. He seems to be doing a fine job mediating between you two. I’d listen to him—he knows what buttons to push with her and which ones to not.

 

I hope you rest soundly tonight. You have much comfort to enjoy and just never give up. We do not have the power to control others and all of the situations around us, but we do have the power to control ourselves. You are applying this beautifully to your own life. Continue to do that! Have faith in that theory, it has gotten you this far!

 

Firstly, congrats on getting your job contract!!! You just gotta take some baby steps now. I feel like what you need right now is stability, a job goes a long way for that, whether its emotional or financial.

 

This is a very good point. I agree whole-heartedly!

 

Yes I agree with every single word of that Turtles.I have also made a good friend in one of the guys I have been working with in my last contract. Although he is aware of the situation, I haven't put on him and tomorrow we are hopefully going down the pub for a quick pint, a game of pool and no talk about my wife situation. I just need to have a break for an hour or two and enjoy the moment.

 

That's great! You definitely need that. Some guy time and recreation. That absolutely helps. I'm so happy to hear this.

You know, I got to thinking, a girl I went to high school with that ended up killing herself, must not have had anything of the things in your life that you have. She likely had no support, turned completely inward and collapsed in on herself.

 

You’re talking about your feelings, you’re making friends, starting jobs, staying busy…all these things are life signs. Vitality, hope and strength. All you need to do now is continue on your path and don’t let the bumps or dips (no matter how big or small) stop you. Keep moving forward. If you can do it once, you can do it again and again and again and again and again. You’ll find you’ll lead a healthy and satisfying life this way. It makes me truly happy to hear it!

 

Sometimes it's all about doing it/faking until it becomes real. Rarely in life have I found that it was because I had the resolve first within me before I acted. Rather it's because I acted first and then eventually I became that person internally.

 

Let your actions speak for themselves. Good luck!

 

I like this^. Felt like it needed to be reposted.

[smilieman]

20sgal88 Thank you for taking the time to write such a long post!It means a lot. I think that I know her behaviour in these situations now. Each and every step I have predicted a day or so before it happens. I said to her last night on the phone, that people are pointing the finger at me saying I need to get help, just because I am demonstrative in trying to sort things out. I told her that she also has problems that need addressing as it's not normal behaviour just to up and run saying that you "don't feel the same anymore" and no other explanation.

 

What is the point in her moving back in and trying to sort our relationship out, when all she keeps telling me is that she doesn't feel the same any more. She's an intelligent woman, but she can't seem to realise that she won't feel that same because of all the stuff that has gone on. This is what needs to be sorted out, if she is willing. If she is not, then we have to split. It would be the only solution I feel at the moment. Her father said that she is not happy. I agreed and then told him that she is looking outside herself at others to make her happy, rather than finding that happiness within herself. Perhaps she's a little depressed. We've had a lot going on over the years.

 

As far as her "wiggling like a worm on a hook" goes, she certainly done this yesterday. Although I don't like to think of her in this way, but perhaps now she can realise if she feels anything for me (obviously she does), or of she is just riding on guilt. We'll see, time will tell. But by the way she was talking last night, she was out of her mind all day, unable to function at work and kept breaking down - not just crying, but full-on panic attacks. She said that she has never cried as much as this in her life. Perhaps this will be enough for her to start addressing her feelings and her actions. Not a nice thing to say, but perhaps she know knows how it feels - I've been like this for the past 6 months, not just one day!

 

I too have been angry, but unable to sustain it for long. However, others around me (crisis team, police, my work colleague and my mate) have all confirmed the same thing; That she is messing me around, it's certainly not normal behaviour and it has been the catalyst to all this stuff happening. Let's face it, if she hadn't lied to me and left in April/May this year, then this would not be the situation now. The only reason I need help, is because she's been the key to messing my head up - I know this and it doesn't stop me loving her. But loving her will not stop me from ending this relationship if I have to either - last thing I want of course, but this just cannot go any further this way.

 

At least I slept last night - all night long. No tablets, no alcohol, no nothing. Just pure uninterrupted sleep Help me think clearer.

 

Time for a tea, breakfast and a bath!

[smilieman]

So, I met with my wife today. It was nice to see her, but I was very cautious. We went to lunch and had a chat. We have decided that we will be apart until at least New Year, but spend xmas day together. She is staying with her parents and I have been invited over there after xmas for dinner by them. She has agreed to do the counselling thing, although I have said that we would need to search for a "pro-marriage" counsellor, rather than one who's priority is to focus on splitting. Will have to have a think about that one and he best way forward. I told her that I had to get back home as I had arranged to go for a drink with my mate, so I did. We went to the pub and had a couple of games of pool and a chat. Only told him the basics about the relationship thing, then it was never brought up again. I really enjoyed getting out. Met some new people too! always a good thing.

 

She called me a while ago. She hasn't got any luxuries (home comforts) at her parents - no internet, cold environment, no easy way to do her hair. She hinted about coming home within the week. I said that she had chosen to move out, told me that we both needed time apart and therefore this is what would happen. I am not backing down - this is tough. I did invite her to come for dinner after work one day in the week though.

 

She said that I could call her, or go over and see her. I said that I wouldn't as she has chosen for us to be apart. However, I told her that she could call me whenever she wanted. I thought that this would be a good compromise and that I would remain open if she wanted to speak with me. So, she called earlier. I don't know why she keeps wanting to talk with me. She really doesn't know what she wants. This is the same pattern as last time. I think that she misses me when I'm not around, but I must keep the communication channels open.

 

Anyhow, that's the developments today. I have a headache today. Probably all the stress. Just going to chill for the res of the evening.

 

I'll keep you posted. Once again, thank you.

 

~S

[dobbin]

...................

[jeepman41]

I see that you are keeping a positive attitude through all your troubles. Just keep doing that and talking to the posters here and I'm sure that you can make it through these hard times.

[smilieman]

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but today it's waning. I can feel the panic starting again, when I think about things. I have work tomorrow and I need to go to the shops also for food. I also need to get up to speed on the software that I need to know before I start my contrac tomorrow, but am having issue concentrating today. My heart is racing and the shakes are just starting.

 

Need to calm down.

[smilieman]

Sorry guys, for keep posting here. Not sure if it's the right forum, but you were with me on Thursday/Friday when things were bleak.

 

I feel so sad today and lonely. My wife has text me a few times today and last night. I don't want to ignore her - actually, I want her text and phone, but I'm not sure whether I want to reply, not all the time. She called last night, for almost an hour. I love to talk with her, but I'm not sure whether I want to. Not for that long, but then I can't hang up when I do.

 

I'm so scared of her letting me down again. Last time she left, after we spoke she done exactly the same thing, kept texting. I'm not sure if she misses me for me, misses the routine of being at home or her home comforts. I have my new job to start tomorrow and I feel miserable.

 

Although she says that she will talk to somebody with me to see if we can sort it out, I wonder whether this will ever change the worry of the thought of coming home a third time to find her gone. She had promised me just a few days before that she wouldn't do that again, then she did. How can I ever believe her? In her letter she said that it wasn't fair to let me live on a knife-edge - it feels like this now. I just have a feeling of dread that it's all going to happen again when/if she comes back home. I suppose that the worst feeling ever is for somebody to leave you for something that you can't control. There is no way that I could even contemplate leaving somebody if they were out of work and couldn't find employment. Of course it's hard, but what is the thought process in this? What's more, every time I struggled to do something (I tried starting my photography business), she ups and leaves and spends the money that I so badly needed to accomplish it. So, I was unable to start my business, no money and my mindset was in a mess. This time she left, I was doing the same thing. But again, the money has now gone and my mindset is a mess. Why would anybody prevent somebody from setting up a business when they have been out of work for so long, if the problem is that they aren't out at work?

 

I cannot get my head around this. Just like I can't get my head around the fact that she keeps texting me. I have received 2 texts since I've been writing this, just telling me that she has got on the internet with her PC. She hasn't got internet access at her parents, so I looked up a mobile internet dongle and sent her a text telling her so that she can use her e-mails. Her dad has bought her one. But if she wants to be away from me, why does she keep wanting to talk with me?

 

I read her letter again. It's heartbreaking. But how can you write that one day and then a couple of days later want to talk all the time? She's obviously confused about something. I can't bring myself to text her back at the moment. I told her yesterday that I hate texting with a vengance, and I prefer to talk. I feel like I want to keep my distance today and this week and concentrate on my new contract. But I don't want her to worry and think that I've tried to kill myself again (my throat still hurts from last weekend and it's hard to swallow sometimes). Dilemma. Perhaps that's why she keeps texting perhaps?

 

So, I think I have to do what's best for me at the moment. I shall just create some distance, otherwise I feel that maybe I'm being played, because she's not sure what she wants. It's this thing again though, where I am on my own dealing with things and she is with people all the time and has some sort of normality in her environment. I have more time to think.

 

Her fathers said to her that we need to put the past behind us, get sorted out and look towards the future. Is this possible? I;ve been trying to look towards the future for months, but she seems to refuse to pt any effort into it. We are supposed to be doing up the house as much as we can before February, she doesn't help. It would be quicker with 2 of us and she would learn how to decorate!

 

The more I think about it, the more it seems like she has stopped us moving forward. Probably unconsciously. I wonder if this would ever change.

 

Sorry for bleating on, just trying to get my head straight I suppose. Got to go shopping now.

 

~S

[jeepman41]

I read her letter again. It's heartbreaking. But how can you write that one day and then a couple of days later want to talk all the time? She's obviously confused about something. I can't bring myself to text her back at the moment. I told her yesterday that I hate texting with a vengance, and I prefer to talk. I feel like I want to keep my distance today and this week and concentrate on my new contract. But I don't want her to worry and think that I've tried to kill myself again (my throat still hurts from last weekend and it's hard to swallow sometimes). Dilemma. Perhaps that's why she keeps texting perhaps?

 

 

It was probably how she felt at the time and maybe now she is having second thoughts or a change of hearts. Human emotion is unpredictable.

[adarkplace]

smilieman...i wanna say that I see a really positive change in you. I can see from reading from the start of the thread when I first messaged to now. The biggest change im seeing is you are starting to LOGICALLY think through things and not being purely fuelled off your emotions. That is a huge step forwards. Now of course im not saying you are not still hurting (of course you are, trust me I know) but I made that same change...started to think about what is good for ME and the long run. I think that you should keep doing that because at the end of the day you want to be happy. Now you mentioned you dont want to live on a knife edge and if she left once why wouldnt she do it again. THAT is exactly the same thoughts I have been having about my own situation i.e. when trust/loyalty has been damaged in a relationship its def not easy to get it back.

 

All I wanted to say to you is that I think you are doing great, yes the road to recovery is long but I can already see lightbulbs switchng on in your head and ephiphanies starting to occur. Be strong and keep using your head, not just your heart. You are clearly a fighter...keep doing what you are doing and we are all here

[diamond78]

Hi smilie,

 

I hope you are calmer than you were earlier in your post. I wouldn't try to analyze everything your wife is doing right now only because your immediate focus needs to be on preparing for work tomorrow.

 

But I will say this about your wife....from what I've seen you written, I do not see malice or ill-intent from her. Not even game playing. You are describing what appears to be a very confused woman who is having difficulty managing the overwhelming amount of stress that your shared living environment has created.

 

When people are feeling huge amounts of stress, their natural reaction is to find a way to escape it. Remember how you wanted to take your life because the stress was too unbearable? You wanted to escape it and I have a feeling your wife is trying to find a way to make the stress go away and in her mind the best solution was to walk away from the situation.

 

Truth be told, I do think a brief separation can be good for you both...Give you guys time to let the emotions die down and clear both your heads and hearts.

 

 

You say your wife saw you trying to hang yourself....You may not realize this, but that is a very traumatic thing to witness a loved one doing.

 

So, I do believe that you two still care very deeply for each other, but with some time, patience, and compassion for one another maybe you two can resolve your issues. Individual and couples therapy will serve you well with helping you guys find ways to cope with the stress and to improve your quality of life. Once you are able to lose some of the stressful factors in your lives and let in some moments of love and happiness, then I think you guys will see a lot of progress on your road to recovery and healing.

 

Good luck tomorrow and I hope you have a great first day of work!

[Lost81]

Love is only a feeling, just like hurting your toe on the corner of a bedside cabinet!

[Lost81]

it sounds like a typical woman (me being a woman also). I always questions myself if I did the right thing, even though I have been through the shi---t and back with my ex. Its so hard to know what to ever do. Realistically, do you want to live the rest of your life wondering when shes going to leave next? because you will feel like that. and to me, it sounds like you are a pretty reasonable person who is able to speak out so whats this womans problem? take some time out and dont reply straight away and dont seem like you are keen to help her and she will be coming back to you. i dont have any contact at all with my ex but... its only because I know he wont reply as all he ever was, was useless.

[smilieman]

I suppose that I think differently when I'm a bit calmer. I am a logical thinker anyway, but that all goes out of the window when emotions are involved. Thank you for the support, being strong is hard when your head says one thing and your heart's screaming another. Why do they say about thinking with you heart? A heart is not an intelligent organ, but tell you what, it sure feels like it is doesn't it, at times? Emotions, feelings all lead to reactions, it's not until the brain kicks into logical mode that I can start to sort through stuff.

 

You know, I had 100% trust in my wife for 8 and a half years. Never once did I doubt her. When all this started in April this year, she lied to me so much about everything that that trust was damaged. It wasn't until a few weeks back that I started to trust her almost 100% again and then it all happened again, taking me back to the trust issue. I'm sure that it will take a while to rebuild that. I would never have thought that she would have ever lied to me, but this is the way that she dealt with the overwhelm.

[smilieman]

Hi smilie,

 

I hope you are calmer than you were earlier in your post. I wouldn't try to analyze everything your wife is doing right now only because your immediate focus needs to be on preparing for work tomorrow.

 

I know. I'm trying to focus on this and I think that now I am starting to do exactly that. I've felt miserable all day and lonely not being able to share the first day of my new contract with my wife. I have started to look on it as if I was single again, living on my own and just getting on with it.

 

But I will say this about your wife....from what I've seen you written, I do not see malice or ill-intent from her. Not even game playing. You are describing what appears to be a very confused woman who is having difficulty managing the overwhelming amount of stress that your shared living environment has created.

 

It's nice to get another perspective on this. Truly, I don't think that she has a bad bone in her body, but her actions make her seem really cold and calculated. She told me today that she knew that she was doing the wrong thing leaving and that she didn't feel right, while she was driving away. This is how I felt when I tried to take my life. I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't stop myself. It was like I had the thought and so the action had to be carried out.

 

When people are feeling huge amounts of stress, their natural reaction is to find a way to escape it. Remember how you wanted to take your life because the stress was too unbearable? You wanted to escape it and I have a feeling your wife is trying to find a way to make the stress go away and in her mind the best solution was to walk away from the situation.

 

Truth be told, I do think a brief separation can be good for you both...Give you guys time to let the emotions die down and clear both your heads and hearts.

 

Makes perfect sense. I have now learnt that when the going gets too tough for her, this is what she does. It's not good behaviour though (neither is hanging myself, granted). I think it will be good also. Give us both some space to chill. The sad thing is, is that I feel more stressed when she's not here, as I worry about her. I hate to think that my actions have given her some horrific & unforgiveable memories.

 

You say your wife saw you trying to hang yourself....You may not realize this, but that is a very traumatic thing to witness a loved one doing.

 

I really regret this one. I don't think that I will regret *anything* more in my life than this. Yes I have learnt from it now that I have had time to think, but this will never undo the pictures that now flash in her head. She was telling me yesterday that each day afterwards, she had terrible flashbacks each time she saw me walking around in my slippers at home. Why? Because when I was hanging there, I was wearing my slippers and this is all she can remember seeing initially. The brain links things up in some strange ways. I will never forgive myself for this, but a change in environment, when we finally sell the house, will help with this I truly believe.

 

 

So, I do believe that you two still care very deeply for each other, but with some time, patience, and compassion for one another maybe you two can resolve your issues. Individual and couples therapy will serve you well with helping you guys find ways to cope with the stress and to improve your quality of life. Once you are able to lose some of the stressful factors in your lives and let in some moments of love and happiness, then I think you guys will see a lot of progress on your road to recovery and healing.

 

Good luck tomorrow and I hope you have a great first day of work!

Do you know what? I spoke with my wife this afternoon. I told her that I was having a bad day and that I read her letter this afternoon again. She was telling me how she had been looking at counselling services on the Internet in our area and got quite inspired from some of the case studies that she had read. She is going to call them tomorrow and arrange something. This has really surprised me. In May this year, she refused *any* type of counselling. Just last week, she was still hanging back from it. Now, after speaking with her Dad, that's what she wants to do. Talk about doing a 180! For making this decision I respect her more than ever. I know it was a hard decision for her to make. Hopefully, this time tomorrow we'll have an appointment!

 

I'll keep you informed!

[smilieman]

it sounds like a typical woman (me being a woman also). I always questions myself if I did the right thing, even though I have been through the shi---t and back with my ex. Its so hard to know what to ever do. Realistically, do you want to live the rest of your life wondering when shes going to leave next? because you will feel like that. and to me, it sounds like you are a pretty reasonable person who is able to speak out so whats this womans problem? take some time out and dont reply straight away and dont seem like you are keen to help her and she will be coming back to you. i dont have any contact at all with my ex but... its only because I know he wont reply as all he ever was, was useless.

I haven't been replying straight away. I spoke to her today about her frequent texting. She said this is because she keeps remembering things to tell me. I said to her that it reminds me of last time. Yes, I like to think I can speak out. Her problem? She's never learnt to do the same and instead tries to work on things in her own head and gets overwhelmed. She's like her mothe rin that respect. She's admitted that she recognises this as a problem now, that needs attention.

 

I'm sorry about your ex. It's nasty when they don't reply. My wife done this last tie and this time too. It's cold and heartless when they sever contact without reason, it just left me wondering "why" the entire time and it drove me absolutely nuts.

 

I have to hope that within time, I will trust her not to just get up and go. The good thing about experiences is that we can learn from them. I have learnt how she acts and what she does and I will be able to identify this if there is ever a next time. Hopefully then, I will be able to deal with it. If it does happen again though, especially after counselling (or during), I;m afraid that that will be my lot. I don't think there would ever be any going back from that one.

[smilieman]

It was probably how she felt at the time and maybe now she is having second thoughts or a change of hearts. Human emotion is unpredictable.

I think that you are spot on!