How to know when a man is interested in marriage?

[yeawutever]

I don't want kids but do wanna get married one day (just like my older cousin who got married recently but both don't want kids). I just don't want to waste 2+ years into nothing. When I start dating again and get into a relationship, I wanna make sure he's on the same page and not just talking.

 

Any ways I can find this out ahead of time? I think one way is to date someone from my University or a bit older (at least 28 yrs old).

 

I don't want to keep on dating and it going no where. Too many are doing this and it's pathetic. Isn't there one that's really into it (action, not words).

[Dezireey]

I don't think you are going to know straight away with any man (unless he is completely desperate to get married) that he wants to tie the knot with you when you first meet. What you can do is make sure you attract and get involved with only the types of men that would make you happy and the type of guy you know you can make happy. It's a natural process, everything will fall into place. I think you should give yourself your own timeline but not a 'marriage' timeline with a guy.It just doesn't work like that. Give yourself say, 6 months and if the relationship keeps moving forward nicely, you are both in love, you are both happy with each other, he shows commitment in lots of other areas, then you are half way there. Never force it and never force a guy to committ when he is not ready. Let him relax and have fun with you and the rest should follow.

 

I think your best bet is also to put the idea of marriage right out of your head, as this will set you up for a fall. Men can smell desperation for marriage from a woman a mile off and you may end up with a guy who is perfect in loads of ways but because he knows you want a ring on that finger asap, he will just procrastinate and procrastinate. Hopefully men on here would agree with me?

[yeawutever]

I don't mind a ring at all since I don't like them but don't wanna end up 4 or 5 years in an dead-end relationship. Just that I keep hearing about happy relationship but for some relationship the man never wants to get married and the gf ends up being waiting and waiting. That would be upsetting.

 

What if 2-3 years passes by and he shows no sign of interested in it while claiming to love the woman? I seen this cases too many times on other forums and it's not fair. It would like telling me ''Yes I love you but you're not worth spending my life with''.

[LaKings55]

Yep, many men are perfectly happy to hold off on marriage, even with a great girl. I know for myself, I used to hold marriage and having children as the ultimate goal in life. Now, after seeing the global economy collapse and then continue to worsen, I know for a fact I will never marry nor have children. What kind of man would I be if I brought children into a world in which their future is actually bleaker than mine? It just wouldn't be fair. Not to mention, it's not like there's a shortage of other people in the US (300 mil) or in the world (7 billion) who are desperately seeking better lives, more wealth, comfort, etc. I'm not trying to bring everybody down, but a man feels the need to provide. I can hardly provide for myself without going into debt, let alone a wife, kids, etc.

[LaKings55]

As a side note, my uncle and aunt lived together 8 years before marriage. My sister and my brother-in-law (who is a complete and utter jerk about everything) lived together 5 years before marriage and she basically threatened him into marriage. So, yeah I'd say you have a good plan by having the 2-3 year limit before bailing out.

[yeawutever]

Yep, many men are perfectly happy to hold off on marriage, even with a great girl. I know for myself, I used to hold marriage and having children as the ultimate goal in life. Now, after seeing the global economy collapse and then continue to worsen, I know for a fact I will never marry nor have children. What kind of man would I be if I brought children into a world in which their future is actually bleaker than mine? It just wouldn't be fair. Not to mention, it's not like there's a shortage of other people in the US (300 mil) or in the world (7 billion) who are desperately seeking better lives, more wealth, comfort, etc. I'm not trying to bring everybody down, but a man feels the need to provide. I can hardly provide for myself without going into debt, let alone a wife, kids, etc.

That's understandable but if that's the case then it's fair that he tells me from the beginning. What is not fair is to keep me waiting when hope when he already knows it's never gonna happen or like what my ex bf did. He actually did asked me the ''Will you marry me question'' on the 3rd or 4th month but it was never put into actions. That is called deceiving and it wasn't fair at all.

 

As for kids... I don't want that either, just marriage.

[yeawutever]

As a side note, my uncle and aunt lived together 8 years before marriage. My sister and my brother-in-law (who is a complete and utter jerk about everything) lived together 5 years before marriage and she basically threatened him into marriage. So, yeah I'd say you have a good plan by having the 2-3 year limit before bailing out.

Actually I'll set it up for 2 years at most. Anything more than that is too much for me. I feel that should be more than enough time of the ''getting to know each other'' stage. It should be transformed into ''Ok where are we heading now, you on the same page or not'' stage.

[Blue Spiral]

Find a way to non-aggressively ask about life goals within your first few dates with someone. Asking about marriage directly/right away may scare off even "marriage-minded" guys, but if you can find a way to prompt the guy into talking about it, it's different.

 

Even that may not help, though. I don't want marriage, and I'm upfront and honest about that...some guys feel the same way, but either aren't bold enough to say it, or want to string the girl along.

[DylanNotorious]

When you get into a relationship - just enjoy it! That's the beauty of life, you don't know whats going to happen next.

 

It's fine to focus on marriage as your long-term goal, but your putting the horse before the cart, if that's ALL YOU FOCUS ON.

 

People do make their intentions known, sometimes even quite early on - so I doubt that you'd be "stuck" in a dead-end relationship as you already know what you want and expect. You will find someone who wants what you want.

[yeawutever]

some guys feel the same way, but either aren't bold enough to say it, or want to string the girl along.

This is what I hate, the leading on or lying part. What can be say about a guy like a ex who would say yes, he wants to be married but never set up a date.

Why did he even ask the marriage question in the first time if he knew it wasn't gonna happen? He is the one that brought up the subject and lied to me about it. I think that's wrong.

 

Now if he would have told me from the start how he's really not looking towards it and only said it just to say it, I would have dumped him long ago and met someone else instead of keep waiting like a fool.

[april15]

Everyone is different but I think a 3-9 month window is pretty safe. You don't have to get married in that time frame but you should know a person well enough to be talking about long term goals and compatibility by then. If I had been dating a woman for 12 months and she could not discuss whether or not she was interested in marrying me I would chalk it up to being strung along and end it. Again not saying be married but both parties intentions should be out there by then.

 

Circumstances could lead to a long engagement or even pre-engagement well beyond 9 months, but if one person is looking to marry, it is only fair for their partner to be honest with their future plans.

[LaKings55]

"Leading on" Unfortunately, so many people do just that, they deceive. They misrepresent themselves, string others along, etc. It's up to you to sort through the garbage. Definitely agree though, everyone should be on the same page.

[Blue Spiral]

Why did he even ask the marriage question in the first time if he knew it wasn't gonna happen?

 

You answer your own question:

 

Now if he would have told me from the start how he's really not looking towards it and only said it just to say it, I would have dumped him long ago and met someone else instead of keep waiting like a fool.

 

I imagine it's a lot easier to get a girl to sleep with you/have a short-term relationship if you pretend to be interested in marriage. He knows most women would reject him, and he's lazy, so it's just easier to lie.

[yeawutever]

I imagine it's a lot easier to get a girl to sleep with you/have a short-term relationship if you pretend to be interested in marriage. He knows most women would reject him, and he's lazy, so it's just easier to lie.

Which must be why some women are into the ''waiting till marriage'' phrase. I bet they have a hard time finding the right man who will actually wait and proceed towards marriage. These women just don't want to waste time being string along if they sleep with the man.

[LaKings55]

Which must be why some women are into the ''waiting till marriage'' phrase. I bet they have a hard time finding the right man who will actually wait and proceed towards marriage. These women just don't want to waste time being string along if they sleep with the man.

 

Unless they can find someone who is devoutly religious, they can expect the vast majority of men to walk away. For me, sexual compatibility is important, so no sex means no LTR, and certainly not marriage.

[yeawutever]

I don't agree with waiting till marriage either but seems like that's one of the few ways to guaranteed marriage will eventually happen. Hard to trust when I stumbled with a stereotypical man (the one I didn't wanna encounter, yet I did and not noticed it ahead of time). I don't what to think but even since I gave him long ago (5 yrs ago) he acted a bit more distant and the subject about marriage wasn't mentioned again for the longest. From then on when we were on the same place, he would come visit me at random time..... weird.

 

I still don't believe in waiting till marriage and would also dumped a man for that too (if vice-versa) but don't wanna get used/take advantage of again.

[Dezireey]

I am a little bit bemused to be honest about any person, male or female that has anything like marriage or kids on their agenda in a relationship, yet sticks it out with someone for 5 years, listening to them saying they want to marry them but never do?? Surely you should just be long gone by then and the only person to blame is the one who has just sat on their bum 'waiting' for the other to get motivated or change their mind?. You pretty much know (as I think someone else said ) what a person's long term intentions are after less than a year of dating. It is usually pretty clear. What you are talking about is probably about getting in too deep with someone and having your hopes and dreams shattered because they don't want to get married and you do and then you have start all over again and build a relationship with someone else.

 

I just think if this is your fixed goal, someone like you should probably end things pretty sharpish before you get to that stage. You are not a mind reader, you do not have a crystal ball. There is no way of knowing for sure if someone is going to marry you later on down the line or not. You just have to make wise decisions in the beginning, and not stay with someone too long if they don't have the same goals as you. It really is that simple. I don't think men 'decieve' woman as such, about marriage, it is just that women ignore the obvious signs and listen only to him saying 'yes, yes, one day we will' and keep that as a sure promise. That is where they are making the mistake.

[yeawutever]

That was my first and only relationship then. I was just a beginner at the time while my mother was right afterall (he was a loser the whole time). Now I know better and have my set-up time limit. But I broke it off last year 2010 (I lost it to him 5 years ago).

[abitbroken]

I think that if you are dating 20-25 guys, they might not be in the mindset to totally know what they want. But it also depends on how you met. I think that asking someone what they want in the future early on is part of the "getting to know you" screening process. I find that its easier when you get older to be upfront. With my boyfriend, a few weeks into it when we both knew we actually hit it off, we sort of asked eachother what the other ultimately wanted, in general, does either of us see ourselves with kids? are we open to getting married - is it a goal? That way we knew we were on the same page. Be careful with this, though, you don't want to come accross as "do you want to marry ME?" You want to keep it general. if you have seen a guy around and gradually get to know eachother and sort of fall into dating its sometimes harder, I find, to ask then if you meet online, know some "stats" ahead of time because you are both there sort of screening eachother and are clear that you want to find someone to date and aren't just looking for friends.

 

Be prepared though, that a 24 year old guy may want to get married someday, but it doesn't mean he is ready within a year and it doesn't mean he wants to marry YOU. if his overall idea of marriage is favorable - strong marriages in his family, he sees marriage positively, he is not just there yet, it makes a difference versus someone not believing in marriage.

 

I think that its tough to say "okay, in 2 years we have to be engaged" because sometimes you feel yourself pulling away and that dumps the relationship. I would find a relationship or strive for a relationship where a man values you and you value him and it will grow from there rather than having it be a race for a ring.

[yeawutever]

Be prepared though, that a 24 year old guy may want to get married someday, but it doesn't mean he is ready within a year and it doesn't mean he wants to marry YOU. if his overall idea of marriage is favorable - strong marriages in his family, he sees marriage positively, he is not just there yet, it makes a difference versus someone not believing in marriage.

True but a co-worker who just turned 24 this week got married (we all got invited) about 3-4 months ago. So I'm guessing he was ready and really into the girl. Then again he would tell us, that's what he always wanted. I think that's about the only guy ever to get married young.

 

If let's say I were told among the following lines (after dating almost 2 yrs) ''Yes I see a future with you someday but I'm just not ready now''. I may have to break up because I don't know how long would I have to wait, that ''I'm just not ready now'' can be interpreted as ''I don't know when I'll get married, can take years''.

[LaKings55]

I figured this would be interesting. I've mentioned this trend a few times on ENA. This was just posted this morning

 

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[yeawutever]

I figured this would be interesting. I've mentioned this trend a few times on ENA. This was just posted this morning

 

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Yes I agree marriage has been declining and lately I've seen more post about girls waiting years with no proposals.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's not about the age of a man but ABOUT the man himself. My husband has known since he was a teenager he wanted to get married (I suppose you could call him the settling down type) and I have always known the same as well, even though I'm in my early 20's. The prospect of spending the next 5-10 years just dating guys to get notiches on my dating belt before settling down never amused me. Luckily I found my dream guy early on in life rather than later. There are 23 year old men who know they want marriage and are just looking for the right girl - and then there are 23 year old guys who have marriage very far from their minds. You also have 28 year olds who want to settle down and then 28 year olds who still have marriage very far from their minds.

 

Since marriage was always an end goal for me and my husband personally when we started dating (actually before we started dating) we let it be known that's what we wanted - we got lucky in we found someone with that same like and want in life.

[lady00]

I think within a few months of dating I knew whether the men I have dated wanted to be married to someone in the future. Some did, some were unsure, and some didn't. I think people often know if they want to get married at some point and are happy too share that information just as long as it doesn't seem like you're asking whether they want to marry you specifically when they barely know you.

[Blue Spiral]

I figured this would be interesting. I've mentioned this trend a few times on ENA. This was just posted this morning

 

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I'm one of the guys walking away from the marriage concept: I distrust any arrangement where the dangers are tangible (financial, legal) and the supposed benefits are intangible ("It's emotionally different than not being married!"). I gave up on the idea of serious relationships, and it's the happiest I've ever been. No more being held hostage by someone else's feelings and post-communication expectations ("I'm not supposed to have to tell you this, you should already know!")