Jump to content

If he doesn't want to commit why does he keep messaging me?


Recommended Posts

So he finally was straight up and honest with me and told me that he is really attracted to me and really likes having me in his life, but he is not at a point in his life where he feels ready to commit to one woman and that he likely won't be ready for another couple of years (keep in mind he is 33 yrs old). We were out at a party and he randomly told me this I guess because he saw I was acting a bit distant with him. I told him I respected his honesty and that I value honest people but that I had to be honest with him and that I couldn't get involved with him in any other way (i.e. sex with no strings). I simply cannot understand. He messages me daily, and always wants to know where I go on my saturday nights, and he will come meet up with my friends and I....but he won't ever ask me on a date ...a real date. He gets jealous when other men talk to me and always tells me how attractive he thinks I am. I stopped messaging him a while ago because I saw that he just wasn't serious at all and I knew I wasn't going to ever just sleep with him. The thing I don't understand is, if he told me that he wasn't interested in a relationship at all at this point in his life, why does he keep messaging me? I was done with him right after he told me that and I was prepared to never talk to him again, yet he messaged me again today. I was pretty hurt last night after he told me that because I felt like maybe he just "wasn't that into me" but then why does he keep messaging me? He knows I won't have sex with him because I want more. I've made that very clear.


I am quite upset with this all and I feel like I need to disconnect from him (delete him from my BBM, not answer his texts) but I feel like that would be immature of me to do... but can I really just hang around here and keep doing this with him? I also told him I don't want to wait another 5 yrs to meet someone that I am ready for something serious now.


I guess I don't have much of a question here....just wondering what you guys think of this situation and why he'd not just leave me alone now if he already told me he didn't want anything further with me?

Link to comment

What incentive does he have to stop messaging you? He's been upfront about his intentions of not wanting anything serious, and messaging you does not contradict any of his wants. While he may secretly hope that you will change your mind, and eventually just sleep with him, he may just be okay with talking to you. If he's looking for no strings attached, you are still no strings attached right now!


You are the one who is not satisfied with the arrangement, so in this case, you have to stand up to what you believe and cut contacts if you feel that it is best for you.


Hope that clarifies things a bit.

Link to comment

This is typical, they buy time to avoid the "talk". Once the cat is out the bag they will try to pull more to get your attention. At least he was honest enough not to do the old, "I just need time to figure things out you know, get to know you better, see if we are compatible". My friend always comes to me for advice on this, i have like player-radar i decided to use this power to help female-kind. I tell her to leave... just like that. Thats not the role you want, thats not the life you want.

Link to comment

The answer to your question is right there in your post. He's attracted to you, he likes spending time with you and right now he is probably enjoying the chase in trying to get some no strings attached sex. He has told you exactly where you stand so I wouldn't read any more into it if I were you.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...