I decided I was going to make it--and I did.

[indea08]

I've been reading other's posts for awhile now. I read a few every day. My heart goes out to those who are feeling the sting of a breakup. I know the feeling. You feel like you have to do something, but you don't know what to do, and nothing helps. You don't want to eat, you have trouble sleeping, and all you can think about is that you've lost your best friend, and if things were different you could be snuggled with them right now. I've read several threads asking for advice on maintaining or breaking "no contact".

 

I'm writing this thread to all of you who are in that situation. If you want advice on how to get better, and how to move on, I'll tell you how I did it. I was in a two year relationship, and the first year and a half was perfect. We rarely fought, we always had so much fun, and got along great. I developed feelings for someone else, so to be fair to my boyfriend, I left him. My feelings for him never really went away, but I've always believed that when you find "the one" you'll never even consider someone else. Six months later, we got a chance to start over. When things were good, they were really good. When things were bad, his resentment toward me for leaving him came out, and things were really bad. After another six months of trying to work things out, I had become emotionally exhausted from the harsh words we'd been using. We just didn't have the same patience for each other that we used to have, and we didn't treat each other right anymore. We loved each other, we still do to this day, but we're not in love anymore. Trying to stick it out would've just led to us hating each other, and I want to be able to think of him and smile, so I walked out about two weeks ago. I hugged him, kissed him, said "I love you", and that was it.

 

The first few days were the hardest. I cried at night, I'm not used to sleeping alone and that's still a little rough. Then I hung out with one of my friends who has been going through a breakup for months now. She just can't seem to get away from the relationship although it is incredibly unhealthy. She's always upset, a basket case of nerves, and can't have fun or enjoy doing anything. Seeing that made me realize I am NOT going to do that to myself. There are so many people in the world and my life is only going to be so long. I decided that minute that I wasn't hurt anymore. I saw how ridiculous it was to continue putting myself through hurtful fights and arguments. Its like sticking my finger in a socket and getting zapped, waiting a few seconds, and then doing it again. Eventually you'll learn to stop putting your finger in the socket. I blocked my ex's number from my phone, I blocked and deleted him off facebook. I blocked and deleted anyone that would post things about him or pertaining to him that would bother me. It was really hard to make that first step, it took three tries before I finally forced myself to do it. When I did, it was liberating. I never have to log on to facebook and get a pit in my stomach because of something he's doing. I never have to deal with him calling or texting, or wondering if he will, because I know that he can't. I never have to be nervous about his friends posting things. He cannot hurt me anymore.

 

The trick to feeling better: don't romanticize. People tend to look back on the wonderful relationship they lost. I remember all of our good times, and yes I do miss that. BUT, I also remember him screaming at me. I remember the names he called me, and I remember how he made me feel. Don't forget that there is a reason it's over, things obviously weren't as perfect as you remember. One night when I was crying to my dad, he said "Indea, there's a guy out there who will feel lucky to have you, and will treat you like a privelage." I have that to look forward to. I get to feel that butterfly, first kiss feeling again sometime. So I'm excited for the future, and looking back on the good times with a smile. You can do the same. Just do what I did: decide that you're going to be just fine.

[loulou37]

I think it's a different situation for you as you decided after trying again to walk out, i was left, i had no choice in the matter, i can't ask him to come back, i have no power over anything...whereas you left so in a way you have the upper hand so to speak.

 

You are still young and you will probably have many more relationships...i been in a few relationships in my time, also a few break ups, i am 39, i finally thought i found the one...after all the frogs i'd kissed he was my prince, it's not so easy to think "oh well i'll find love again" i found love, a very special love, to me anyway, he was the man i wanted to marry, we never argued, i have no bad memories of him, it was external problems that broke us up in the end....i can't just walk away from that.

 

loulou x

[indea08]

If it were external problems, perhaps he feels the same pain you do, and when the problems subside things could be different. Based on you're quote at the end of your post, "Could of been a Princess, you'd be a King, could of had a Castle and wore a Ring...but no, you let me go", I wonder if maybe he chose to leave? If that's the case, when he has moments of missing you, the resposibility of the breakup is on his shoulders. You did what you could and that's all anyone can ask for. Keep your good memories and remember him with a smile. My post was meant more for the people who are debating breaking up or staying together or contacting or not contacting, etc. Your ending line "I can't just walk away from that" gives me the feeling that you're not going to quit. If there were no negatives, and you believe there's the possibility, I'm all for fighting for the love of your life. Maybe, eventually, he'll thank you for it.

[Springs]

I think this is a great post!

[AnnaN]

Great post. Good for you.

I agree that it depends on the BU situation. I was dumped "out of the blue", I had no choice, he never asked my opinion, he never talked to me before. He just disappeared. Apart from that, I have nothing bad to remember from the relationship which makes it even harder...

I am not THAT old, but I feel too old the last weeks, I think that everything was easier when I was younger and I was able to let it go more easily.

[TH5555]

Good for you. I was left but I've done the exact same thing and you know what... I know I'm going to have that feeling again for someone for sure.