Was this a good reason to break up right away?

[yeawutever]

I think some people are nowadays breaking up for every single little mistake and jumping from relationship to relationships. I break up for good reasons, not little mistakes (for example: if it's really serious character flaw or cheating).

 

This guy on another forum breaks up because he finds out his gf was using her credit card to buy her friend a present. Previously she had promised she for the whole date this time but only pay some cash and say she had nothing on her credit card.... guy paid for the remaining. He finds out about this and said we're through. That's mean in my opinion. Break up for something serious not something sooo trivial. So what if she was buying her friend a present? Why does he have to know if she has money in her credit card (they're just dating, it's not an engagement).

 

Makes me think, are now people like ''One strike little mistake, you're out''. Wow... I wouldn't want to date a guy like that... that would dump me easily for something stupid and go to next girl. It would mean that he never really care about me in the first place and the relationship was never strong.

[wannadoitright]

She did lie right? Is lying not a serious character flaw?

[yeawutever]

She did lie right? Is lying not a serious character flaw?

I'm sure we all lie about something at some point. I still think the guy was being too harsh to calling it a strike right away. I'm assuming they weren't dating for too long (1-3 months).

[Batya33]

I think you're being too harsh and basing what you write on very little information. Good for you for ending a relationship only based on what you deem a "good reason". Other people think their reasons are good too and don't need others' validation to confirm that they are good. For example I ended a relationship because I discovered that the guy had an anger disorder which he wasn't getting treatment for. But he'd never showed any anger towards me in the three months we dated. Perhaps someone else would have stuck around, gotten involved in therapy with him, etc. but I knew that I wasn't willing to invest that kind of time and effort given my life goals and the type of disorder it was. I'm glad I didn't focus on outside validation to make my decision.

Others might think that cheating is not a good reason to break up - they might think you should try counseling or give him another chance. I'd be careful before describing your reasons as "good" (yes, good for you but not objectively or not in everyone's opinion) and others as "trivial". Mostly because to have healthy relationships with people you need to avoid that kind of judgmental black/white thinking as much as possible (and the cynical view about how others view relationships probably stirs up needless stomach acid too).

[yeawutever]

Anger issue would be a good reason for me to break up too. This is a serious flaw, can be dangerous too. I'm with you on that one. I wouldn't go to counseling dealing with a short-tempered man.. jikes.

[blueidealist24]

I'm with you on this. I've found this too with people nowadays, always looking for the better 'next one', especially now that there are so many options to choose from online, like on dating sites. In the past people only had those they knew in real life and therefore made more effort to work it out.

[Fudgie]

You don't really know what's going on here.

 

What if it were a "joint" CC so whatever debt she piles up on there, he's responsible for too, and she has a habit of doing that a lot? Or maybe they are trying to get a future together and she keeps putting stuff on the CC and getting herself into debt all the time, and this was the "last straw"? In both of those cases, I could definitely see ending the relationship as a real, viable possibility.

 

Way too little information to go on.

[yeawutever]

I'm with you on this. I've found this too with people nowadays, always looking for the better 'next one', especially now that there are so many options to choose from online, like on dating sites. In the past people only had those they knew in real life and therefore made more effort to work it out.

Makes me glad I don't have to deal with this. I think the older someone is, the more mature they in the relationship and isn't think about playing the fields anymore. At some point, it would be boring jumping from relationship to relationship. I want to get married in the future not date one man after the other.

[yeawutever]

You don't really know what's going on here.

 

What if it were a "joint" CC so whatever debt she piles up on there, he's responsible for too, and she has a habit of doing that a lot? Or maybe they are trying to get a future together and she keeps putting stuff on the CC and getting herself into debt all the time, and this was the "last straw"? In both of those cases, I could definitely see ending the relationship as a real, viable possibility.

 

Way too little information to go on.

The OP stated that she lives with her parents so it wasn't a joint CC. It was her own money. From the sound of that post it seems this is the first time she pulled that stuff and he dumped her too fast.

[superfox]

The OP stated that she lives with her parents so it wasn't a joint CC. It was her own money.

 

My ex lived on credit cards, he collected them like Pokemon cards! I have no idea how much he owes. I'm just glad to be out of it. On the other hand, my bf detests owing money. Especially on cc as the repayments are ridiculous. I have no doubt that in our early days if he found out I owed money it would have been over. Due to past experiences with his exes. Some guys are careful with money - not tight but responsible. I personally dont think it's a bad reason for breaking up.

[Fudgie]

The OP stated that she lives with her parents so it wasn't a joint CC. It was her own money. From the sound of that post it seems this is the first time she pulled that stuff and he dumped her too fast.

 

I just read through the OP again and there was absolutely no mention that it wasn't a joint CC. People get joint CC (stupidly) all the time so I had nothing tell me that this isn't what happened.

 

That being said, I do think it was probably pretty rash on his part. I bet he was probably looking for an excuse to dump her anyway, in that case. I'm sure of it. No one happy in a relationship would just leave that quickly. He should have been honest with her about how it's not working out instead of just pinning it on a little dumb thing.

 

BTW, to address your earlier post...don't assume that the older someone is, the less they are playing the fields. You're bound to get hurt if you assume this. I dated older men for years and while I enjoyed my relationships with them, I had to wade through a lot of smut to find them. There's a lot of "playing" older men out there, older women too. The difference is, they are older and usually more likely to know what they are doing so they can be more manipulative.

 

You need to judge everyone individually. That's what I've found.

[Fudgie]

^ Oops, I meant, in the OP, there was no mention that she DIDN'T live with her parents, not that it was a joint CC.

[yeawutever]

The more people are playing the fields and looking for something better immediately it makes me depress.... not even worth trying to find someone who's into ''really wanting serious deep commitment heading towards marriage''. I don't want to just date, I want an engagement too and not waste time.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Makes me glad I don't have to deal with this. I think the older someone is, the more mature they in the relationship and isn't think about playing the fields anymore. At some point, it would be boring jumping from relationship to relationship. I want to get married in the future not date one man after the other.

 

Older does not necessarily mean more mature. Many older people will indeed stay in the relationship...but then they will jump from one affair to the next. If there was maturity in older people, you wouldn't see the divorce rate so high and then men and women playing the field once they are divorced. Immaturity, getting bored with a person and wanting variety is a function of the character of a person, not their age.

[Fudgie]

Older does not necessarily mean more mature. Many older people will indeed stay in the relationship...but then they will jump from one affair to the next. If there was maturity in older people, you wouldn't see the divorce rate so high and then men and women playing the field once they are divorced. Immaturity, getting bored with a person and wanting variety is a function of the character of a person, not their age.

 

Agree completely with this.

 

Where are you meeting your men, OP?

[Batya33]

OP if you had known me when I was dating you would have thought I was playing the field since I went on many dates with different men, and had several short and long term relationships. That is, if you didn't know that my purpose in dating around was to find the right person. I didn't feel I had time, after a certain age, to put all my eggs in one basket too soon and risk foregoing opportunities to meet other quality men. I never had a problem in my 20s or 30s meeting men who wanted a serious relationship leading to marriage. There will always be people who are never satisfied with who they have in their lives no matter what their age.