Does the classic 'rebound' theory ring true when the rebound is a close friend?

[vel2011]

I've taken this quote from another thread and have a query...

 

''So if your ex dumped you, and now is seeing someone new, shortly after your breakup, i wouldnt worry about it. Chances are it won't work, and if there was ever a case of them coming back to you, this is the one. Relax, and do no contact, don't remain friends with them no matter what.

 

Most of the time they only want you as a friend because you are a backup, a safety net for the new relationship, you must walk away and leave them alone with the new person. Don't give them their cake and let them eat it too. Eventually they will be calling you again, and 9 times out of 10, it will be for a second chance, because the grass on the other side didn't turn out to be so green. Be patient and let them come to you, and if they never do, you are better off anyways. Goodluck''

 

Do people think the situation is different if the rebound is a very close friend?

 

My ex broke up after 2.5 years about 3 months ago - told me she loved me and hardest decision ever but doesn't see me as the one for marriage. She had just been on holiday with a life long close guy friend she grew up with and I had met (he lives on other side of the world where she grew up). Told me nothing had happened while they were away but it's clear he turned her head, although I'm sure it wasn;t the reason for the BU (her losing attraction for other reasons was).

 

She contacted me every 3 weeks or so for a few months, crying and saying she missed me but knows it's the 'right thing' and wants to be friends, asking if I'm seeing anyone and wanting to meet etc.

 

Within this time frame she went on a trip with this friend again and posted fb photos of them looking very couple like. I'm 99% sure something is going on, although he is physically very unattractive and it shocked me she could be romantically interested!! He has unlimited wealth, his life is one big holiday, and I guess she saw an easier 'more fun' future, although I think she would of ended it regardless of him.

 

What I wonder is would people view the whole common 'rebound' theory we see on these threads differently if the rebound is someone they have always been close to and 'loved as a person' and suddenly realised they actually had romantic feelings for, rather than just someone new they meet after breaking up?

 

I'm not talking about getting them back, but the whole theory that a rebound relationship delays the dumper from dealing with the end of the old relationship, reflecting and healing, and therefore in most scenarios ends quickly.

[Edmund Exley]

Calling it a rebound is just an excuse to sit and wait while someone else is with the person you wish you were with.

 

There is no telling what the dynamic of a relationship will be or how it will turn out based on the timing of the start compared to the last relationship.

 

My ex wife is married to her "rebound" so is my girlfriend before her that I spent 6 years with. Good thing I didnt wait those out because they were "Classic rebounds"

 

I would recommend you forget the theory and look at the reality, she is with someone else, and it may have nothing to do with his attractiveness, wealth or lifestyle. It may simply be she has connected with him and likes being with him.

 

Finally, most dumpers have already made peace and healed from the breakup long before the breakup. They are generally already emotionally detached and ready to move on.

[Eocsor]

Agree with this 100%

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Often times people who are fresh out of a break up will quickly get into a relationship with a person they have been friends with for a long time. Why...do they suddenly realize this was the person of their dreams....not really. People who rebound quickly after a relationship ends are people who can't handle being alone. They are lost without the perks of having a partner..so they run out to date again in order to quickly find a replacement and the next person who shows them interest will be their new partner..because anybody is better than nobody as far as they are concerned. They really luck out, however, if they have a long time friend who was secretly pining for them...as soon as they are out of the relationship the pining friend makes their move and voila...instant relationship..the rebounder doesn't have to go through the headache of scrambling through the dating world desperately trying to find a replacement...the replacement falls right into their lap with the longtime friend who was just itching for the opportunity to go for it. Sure people marry their rebounds...but is it really for love and having found "the one" or is really out of desperation in order to not be alone. Remember that loneliness and desperation can drive people to make decisions they wouldn't normally make if they were emotionally healthy and independent. Loneliness and desperation can make people think they are in love when really they are only in love with the notion of being in love...and in love with the idea of having a partner. The partner could be anyone.

[rosie smith]

i totally agree with you and the couple of people that i know who have married rebound or have long rebounding relationships have not really worked for them, none of my friends ever said oh I am really happy with the guy that I am with now!!

 

sad really

[mahipahl]

If the dumper was truly finished with the relationship and had no desire to return to it then it doesn't matter when they meet the next person because it really isn't a rebound. Dumpees sometimes look at the this person as the cause for the breakup or the reason the dumper will come back. In reality the dumper is done with you and it has no bearing on the timing of when they hook up with someone else.

[Fun Boater 1]

"Rebound" or "the true love of their life", it doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is the fact that they (dumper) have chosen not to be with you anymore. They are now with someone else. People (dumpees) love to rationalize and speculate about the validity of their former partner's new relationship when they should be getting on with their lives and doing all they can to accept the situation and get over the person that left them. Hanging on in the false hope that your ex's new relationship is "just a rebound" is extremely counterproductive to your healing and is very delusional thinking.

[Thorshammer]

I dont believe in rebounds, if anything i believe the person dumped is more likely to be in what people like to refer as "rebounds". The dumper has to have felt what they did was a mistake, thats what you should be asking, "does a dumper who might think they have made a mistake by leaving me function well in their next relationship?" Life isnt structured that everyone will be in a rebound. When i was both the dumper and dumpee i really liked and loved the next one and easily rejected the ex's in their attempts to come back.