Argh!Keep replying to breadcrumbs ''just incase'' it mans something?

[carrie8484]

Anyone here do this?

The ex texts you, it's a breadcrumb, it may or may not ask a question, you know you shouldn't reply, but you do eventually because you're thinking if they wanna ask you back they need to open up two way communication, right??

But everytime, after you reply, the ex checks out, disappears, or just replies in a bland, meaningless way.

When does the ''cycle'' of texting back stop, how do you know it's truly time for solid, solid NC because there is just NO WAY they are coming back??

I'm one of those people who needs to take it to the extreme before I give up, so Im forced to give up hope of a recon.

I've not begged or pleaded since the beginning of August, Ive been cool, calm (mostly) since then

but I still respond to 50% of his breadcrumbs. I get a text every 1-2 weeks. Each time he texts me, I think ''what if It means he's changing his mind??'' but it never does. (I dont ask him, but he always cuts the convo short after 2 texts).

I have periods of NC where I feel ok, like im moving on, then PING my phone will go off and it's him. Im set back another step.

can anyone relate?

[LIzardKing]

I know how hard it is not to reply. I guess the best advice I could give you is to just ignore it. Easier said then done. It will just turn into some kind of game. You have to protect yourself. I guess you could also try and be honest with him and tell him how you feel.

 

Its sucks I know. I have been down this road so many times myself. Just be true to yourself.

 

 

Chris

[Flyingpiglet]

Aw Carrie, You're making this harder on yourself everytime

You really need to step up and Ignore ignore ignore... Is there anyway you can block him from your number? If not, and I do I know changing a number can be a massive pain in the butt, but this might be the only way forward!

He's doing it to reasure himself that he can get you back anytime he wants, probably not considering your feelings at all!

 

Believe me, if he really did change his mind and want to win you back, he will find a way to get in touch with you! He knows where you live right?

 

Though I do hope that if that time comes, you will have moved on enough to say thanks, but No Thanks!

You deserve better... Don't let him keep you on a string!

[HoliPoli]

Anyone here do this?

I'm one of those people who needs to take it to the extreme before I give up, so Im forced to give up hope of a recon.

 

I suggest that if you know this about yourself that you take it to the extreme any way you (safely) can. Call, text, plead, make him change his number if he wants to keep you out.

[sadchick83]

Program your phone so it doesn't ring for your ex, you will just see a missed call and be less tempted to pick up. And, realize you are just feeding their ego when you respond to a text-that's it, that's all.

 

And, by responding to anything, its a double negative- you are inflating their ego, while concurrently setting yourself back a few months.

 

If you don't respond to about 10 texts they will eventually disappear. Ask yourself why you want to be part of this rotten deal?

Do this and you will fast forward your healing!!

[arwen]

I would block the ex if there were still 'breadcrumbs' going on. If he really wanted you back, he would say so with a giant pie, not with a crumb

[carrie8484]

thanks everyone for your replies!

I know im making it harder on myself when I reply, because I never get the response I want when I do! 99% of the time I KNOW his response to my text will be a short ''ok, lol'' type reply, which infuriates me as HE is the one to text first with a question!! Can I just add, its never,ever me who initiates contact. The last stupid text he sent me was about my cat , AGAIN. I waited a day, then got bored and replied last night. DOH! All I got back from him was a quick ''yes it is cold now isnt it''. Then Im back to square one thinking to myself ''carrie, he doesnt give a DAMN, stop bloody well replying''. It is my fault, not his. Luckily, he only has my old number which is my spare phone these days. So I dont have it with me all the time, but I do check it every other day. Im scared becasue i think the only way im gonna convince myself I truly have to move on is to hear it from him again- to go through that rejection again. I have no plans to ask him again but of course it is in the very back of my mind. I only have myself to blame. I think im getting more anxious because it is coming up to Christmas and im DREADING it, being alone this year.

[Thorshammer]

You push away, he wants to pull... then you pull back, and he pushes. Its attraction and hes confused, or is lining up his options.

 

Go NC and stay NC. After a lot of missed calls and texts and time, respond to his pull with no pull of your own. If there is nothing there, then go NC forever. You dont need to stunt your healing for little games by the very same person who you are healing from.

[hidden_kitten]

If he really wanted you back, he would say so with a giant pie, not with a crumb

 

This is an awesome quote and think more people should remember this! I know I definitely needed to hear that a few weeks back.

 

Carrie, even though you still have a spare phone, could you buy a new sim card so you have a new number for that one? Or better yet, just get rid of it! All the best.

[sadchick83]

 

HE is just feeding his ego....HE initiates feeding HIS ego.

[toby17]

"relationship insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get a different result"

 

You think that if you keep responding, next time will be different - why?

 

The only reason you need to stop texting back is it's not working. You keep telling yourself it should work but it doesn't. How many times do you need to do the same thing until you change what you do or stop doing it?

[peterepeat]

i know how you feel the same thing was happening to me. i recomend NC and heal

[winniethepooh]

Anyone here do this?

Well, I got one a month after she left, replied neutrally, and didn't hear anything more. I agnonised over how to reply at the time, and have agonised since then about whether or not I blew an opportunity to reconnect. I did, but in retrospect, I don't think it would have been a healthy reconnection if we had ... maybe. Who knows ?

 

The ex texts you, it's a breadcrumb, it may or may not ask a question, you know you shouldn't reply, but you do eventually because you're thinking if they wanna ask you back they need to open up two way communication, right??

That sounds reasonable. But every time you reply, you're draining yourself of energy you need to recover, and delaying your recovering. Sure, you're perhaps giving him an opportunity to investigate reconciliation, but if the pattern is repeating without any forwards movement, then it sounds like he either doesn't know what he wants, he's playing games with you, or he doesn't want anything more than just a friendship. None of those situations help you.

 

But everytime, after you reply, the ex checks out, disappears, or just replies in a bland, meaningless way.

So by continuing to reply to his breadcrumbs, you're just continuing to stay stuck in the same cycle.

 

When does the ''cycle'' of texting back stop,

When one of you stops it.

 

how do you know it's truly time for solid, solid NC because there is just NO WAY they are coming back??

You probably can't know with 100% certainty but when he left you, he forced you to make assumptions and limited your choices and options.

 

I'm one of those people who needs to take it to the extreme before I give up, so Im forced to give up hope of a recon.

Then I guess you will

 

Each time he texts me, I think ''what if It means he's changing his mind??'' but it never does.

There ya go. It never does, and won't, until either you or him or both change this pattern.

 

I have periods of NC where I feel ok, like im moving on, then PING my phone will go off and it's him. Im set back another step.

Exactly. You will continue to set yourself back every time.

 

If you really want to force the issue, you could send him something like this next time he contacts you.

 

Hi xxxx,

 

Look, obviously you want to remain in contact for some reason, but I don't really know what that reason is. You wanted to end our relationship so I am trying to respect your decision. For me, that means I have to move on and heal, and you cannot help me do that. If you want to remain friends, then that's something that just isn't possible for me right now, and not something I am going to think about until after I have got over the end of our relationship. If there is something else important that you want to say, then you should say it. Otherwise please respect my need to heal, as I am respecting your decision to end things.

 

Take care,

carrie8484

 

Optionally, you could add a line something along the lines of "If you want to discuss our relationship to see if there is a way to move forward together, then I am willing to do that. But I must stress that doing that as just a friendship is not possible right now." But that kind of really forces the issue and you may prefer to leave it out. If you do say that, and if he does respond positively (unlikely I think, to be honest), then you have a whole other can of worms that you have to deal with - reconciliations aren't easy either.

 

To be honest, it sounds to me like he is just messing with you, or maybe he feels guilty and this attention from him (and your replies) go some way to alleviating it.

 

If you leave him alone, he will have to face any guilt he has alone, and that's the way it should be under the circumstances. You've got your own recovery to deal with.

 

And if after all that, he is still contacting you without saying anything significant, ignore him. Take whatever ego boost you can from the fact that he is being weak or whatever by contacting you, but don't respond. And if you can't resist the urge, then you have to completely block him in some way (filter emails to trash, change number, etc).

 

Good luck