athena3 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi all, Right at midnight tonight, I got a text from my ex saying 'Dear ____, Happy birthday. Sincerely, ______.' I hadn't heard from my ex since 6 months ago when we broke up. The break up was initiated by me, and it was a pretty bitter one. I wasn't happy with the way he was treating me, and he wasn't willing to change. We had gone out for 2.5 years and I had a deep and intense connection with him. For most of those 2 years, I thought he was THE one for me. Though we had some truly wonderful times, we had some pretty horrible ones too. After our break up, we remained in no contact for 6 months. He went overseas for work....and then this text 6 months later. Now I'm at a loss as to what to do and what to think. The text brought back many memories and made me really sad...I worked so hard to forget about him. As innocent as the text might be, I know he's the type to analyze, and he wrote the msg to me in a very endearing tone, similar to how he wrote me when we were together. I don't know if I should reply back or not, any thoughts? Link to comment
BlondeeBabee77 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 He wouldn't have texted you if he didn't want to talk to you. If you want to reconnect with him reply, if not just leave it be. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 If you want to message him, do it. Since you broke up with him, also with him messaging you, ball's in your court. Link to comment
athena3 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 It sounds simple....but I've started dating a great guy. Though he's great to me, I still miss the deep connection/love of my life feeling I had with my ex. A part of my really wants to talk to my ex, part curiosity part emotion...but the other part is telling me I'm still not completely over him, after 6 months of NC, and talking to him again will surely make me regress. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It's up to you. You live once, be with the people you want.. I know its complicated. I dated someone and now trying back ex, you could always message and see what he says. I know if you don't , curiosity kills the cat and youll kick yourself eventually. Then again I don't know how long you've been dating the new guy. I just view life differently now since my bu Link to comment
Generation Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 When is his birthday? Think you'll wish him happy xmas? Not sure what you should msg him right now, maybe thanks and how are you? Link to comment
athena3 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Jumper: I view life and relationships differently as well, more realistically, though some might say it is more jaded. I know I'll probably end up messaging him...can I ask, how much did you like the person you were dating at the time your ex came back into your life? Generation: I will probably text back a thank you, and hope you're doing well. I don't think I will initiate any conversation. I think I've put in more than my fair share of effort in the past, and I want to see whether this was a one time message or something more. Does this sound good? Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I can say my ex and I did that a few times for birthdays and such and got back together a few months then we would break up again, go NC then get back together AGAIN like 100 times for reals. Anyway you've made progress 6 MONTHS. Don't text him back ...you have made WAY too much progress to hurt yourself all over again. Don't do it. Link to comment
superfox Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I don't know about texting back, that's your call. What I will say is that the timing of the text, midnight, is VERY telling. He's been thinking about this a lot and your birthday. Happy birthday by the way! X Link to comment
sunnyv Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Happy birthday. I say text him back. Link to comment
marshmallito Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Text him back if you want to lead him on / confuse yourself / sabotage your potential to connect with the great guy you are dating. You broke up with him, so it will be easy for you to let your ex back into your life. But I doubt you want the guy you broke up with... you want the guy you loved for the first two years. Your ex won't have changed. I wasted a decade on two guys, neither of whom could live up to their promise. But if I was patient and loved them enough they would have changed and come through for me... Right? Wrong. Link to comment
athena3 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Superfox and Sunnyv: Thanks for the birthday wishes I agree, the timing of the text and the way it was written told me he put thought into it. I just wish he didn't wait all this time to msg me. I thought he forgot about me these last six months, and I was trying my best to move on... things are starting to get more serious with the new guy I'm dating, but this throws everything into confusion...at least for me. Brokenhearted and Marhmallito: Is this the way all ex relationships play out? If I do decide to reopen the lines of communication, am I doomed to be in limbo with him? and do exes or people ever change? I'd like to think that at least in some cases, they do... Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 It was just a Happy B-Day text. I see absolutely no reason why you see this as an invitation to start communicating with him again. Not to mention that this is extremely unfair to the guy you're with now. Sounds to me like you're not really ready to be in a relationship right now. Good luck. Link to comment
marshmallito Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 No, not all ex relationships play out the same way. People can change (rare but does happen), circumstances change all the time. But I think ones reunions with your story line can't play out well. You worked on your relationship for six months before you gave up and broke up with him. If I am off-base here let me know, but I bet during that time you told him what you needed and gave him chances and he never delivered. I am also guessing you don't want the guy you broke up with but the fantasy you fell in love with for the two honeymoon years. You are posting, wondering if he is changed for the better after a polite birthday text message? After all if he thought of his ex girlfriend on her birthday and sent a text (like you do for any acquaintance) he must be a new man.... There is no indication he has changed or that he wants you back in any serious way. You should channel your energy into yourself and direct a bit at the great guy, not go back into a relationship that will most likely be all work and no payday. Link to comment
athena3 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Camus: Thanks for your input, I agree, I'm not ready for a serious relationship...I've told the current guy I'm dating how I feel and though he was upset, he was willing to wait for me to really put my all into the relationship. It makes me feel like a bad person...and try as I might to change how I feel, I can't. I'm flawed...I know, I'm dating a perfectly great guy who's amazing to me, yet I'm still holding on to the hope that the ex who didn't treat me well will come back a changed man. I'm not justifying that what I'm doing is the least bit right, in fact, I'd like to have some sense knocked into me...to make me change the way I feel. Marshmallito, I feel we both gave each other chances, there were things we both knew we needed to change, it wasn't so one-sided. It ended because of a huge fight and his lies that were revealed at that point in time. I guess I'm reading into the text because I know him and he knows me. He's great at manipulating me...I know this for a fact. He sent an endearing birthday text to me right at midnight...and I'm pretty confident it wasn't so casual and he was toying with my emotions, he used to do that often. He was always the guy I fell in love with, that never changed...but his other side, the mean-spirited and quick-to-anger side...came out of the woodworks after I had already decided he was the one for me. I guess part of why I hold on so much is most of our relationship foundation was built on the future being better for us. He was so loaded down with phd work...and he'd always promised me that he'd be more patient, more understanding...in the end...that I was for certain, the girl for him in The End. He even reiterated this, albeit with some anger, after our break up...I think I've been brainwashed! Link to comment
East4 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I would say do not text him, for the following reasons: 1) an ex is an ex for a reason. If you at the time found out that you were not compatible, then most probably you will have the same issues if you resume your relationship with him; 2) 6 month NC would be wasted and 6 months NC is a huge achievement (congrats!) just do not waste it over a b-day text (Happy Birthday by the way!); 3) "chemistry" is not a sufficient reason to be in a relationship. Sometimes people stay in toxic relationship because of the intensity of emotions. It is not love, it is just that some people like drama and thrive on strong emotions, even if these emotions are distructive. Make sure you are not one of these people (what I've read in astrological books is that scorpios are addicted to strong emotions, so make sure you are a selective scorpio and you go for HEALTHY emotions ONLY!); 4) It wouldn't be fair to the guy you are actually dating. How would you feel if he resumed comms with his ex? Not cool, is it? So, i would say ignore it and give a chance to the new guy. Link to comment
marshmallito Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Wow, how off base was I!?! Anyway, now I really think you should let it go. You make it sound like it was almost a mutual break up and that you both need to grow and change. But you still seem to want this "ONE" that he was promising to be once his study was over. There is always going to be stressors in life, and you couldn't stay in the relationship during that rough patch. Have you changed? Would you be okay with his treatment of you if it played out the same way again? There is no reason to think he has changed. Link to comment
athena3 Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 so he texted me asking me to have lunch with him a few days ago (and a few days after my birthday text)....I know!! he's bad for me, we had great great amazing chemistry, and I really loved him to pieces, which was why it was SO hard to let go when I knew he was treating me poorly. I know there's not reason to believe he's changed, but don't people sometimes change, if they realized what they lost. Now I have no idea why he wants to have lunch with me, what he's trying to do, whether it's genuine or I'm being played. But I am curious to see why he wants to meet up. I think I've definitely changed, a lot, not just after the relationship, but while with him too. I went to a psychiatrist, sorted out some of my deep-seated issues that made me so insecure, and really worked on myself, so that I feel I'm more ready for a real relationship. But I have no clue whether he changed, we've had 6 months of NC. All I could think of when he texted me was...again, all the what ifs, and all the good times I had with him....and also how badly I'm treating my current guy at the moment. Link to comment
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