Should I marry this girl...

[madyy]

I have got engaged to a girl 4 months back but ever since i did that

i have ended up asking Qs to myself ...was it correct thing to do.

Since its an arranged marriage set up (India)..i just met the girl twice

felt good the way she spoke and behaved and because of this said

yes to her but then when i sat back and thought ,i felt she is less

beautiful than what i wanted my partner to look like.

 

i always keep thinking ,didnt i deserved to be with more beautiful girl

but still she is nice in her nature and talks with me.

 

we are in long distance realtion so we have not met again and will meet

directly in marriage after few months. we only spk on phone.

 

Now i do not have answer here ,will it be wrong to leave such a

girl who is nice to me etc .Also i am not sure abt future

Will i meet a beatiful girl with good nature , i am not sure.

 

one more thing,my parents though were happy initially at engagement

suddenly have realised ,the family is not great in terms of

living standards of both family.They are ok with the girl but definitely

say its a big compromise we have said yes to such a family.

Now they also feel ,it wud be wrong to say NO because girl will get

hurted because its not her fault.

 

Also i feel since i am 34 so chances of my meeting a nice looking girl are not easy. How long will i search ...

 

Any suggestions will be appreciable,should i proceed ahead in this marriage or stop the relation and search for a new partner.

[Day_Walker]

If looks are that important to you then take a stand on the issue.

[abitbroken]

As far as looks, why do you think you need to find a more beautiful woman? Beauty is on the inside and you could meet a woman who looks like a model but is not interested in you or is not nice. You never know. I think that also it is shortsighted to say her family is not wealthy enough. I think that if you like this girl and hold out for another arranged marriage with someone even better, you might end up sorry. But if you have the guts to decide you want to meet someone on your own, than that is a different story. I have seen arranged marriages work out because love can be a choice, and I have seen them not - just like chosen marriages. I think you shoudln't worry about what your parents think as far as her family and you should decide for yourself whether you want to marry her or not. perhaps you request to meet her again a few more times. And if you don't want to get married, then don't allow your parents to find someone else. Meet someone on your own.

[FairyGodmother]

I only read the title of the thread.

 

The answer is NO.

 

If you need to ask then there's too much doubt to make such a permanent life altering decision.

 

I second that.

[LAYAAN]

I always keep thinking ,didnt i deserved to be with more beautiful girl

but still she is nice in her nature and talks with me.

I completely understand where you are coming from. But my Q is - what makes you feel that you are more "deserving" of a better-looking girl than anyone else? Are you rich? Is that the reason? Did you finish your education in the US? Do you work in the US? Are these your reasons to feel more deserving of a beautiful girl?

 

You obviously have bought into the the pressures of the Indian society and looking for a beautiful, good-natured girl. Know thyself first. Ask yourself what kinda girl will you be happy with? and then find that kinda girl. Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. If you are concerned about others praising your wife's beauty and feeling jealous of you, it might give you a high and make you feel like you conquered something (all men get that feeling when they find themselves with a good-looking woman), but remember *you* have to live with her.

 

Arranged marriages that take place so rapidly are really risky since you know nothing about a person. I know that you can't change the system, but you really can find a solution that works for you... even in arranged marriage system. DO NOT get married because you don't want to break the girl's heart. Think long and hard. Postpone marriage. Yes, you will break the girl's heart, but its easier for her to explain and deal with breaking an engagement than the legalities of separation and divorce in a foreign country (I guess you are in the US, going to India, getting married to a girl there and bringing her back to the US with you)

 

I'm in similar situation as you are. So I know what you mean by "at age 34, its not easy to find a better-looking girl for me." Normal, average people dont' look like film stars in their 30s unless they are originally good looking and have taken good care of themselves through the years. So, please ask yourself what are you after? Is better-looking the only criterion? You have to live with this person. Don't think about the society. Think about your comfort. Beauty really is skin-deep. A better-looking wife will not please your heart any more than a decent-looking wife. Look for compatibility of goals, goodness of heart, strength of character, values, etc. instead. Let everything else go. Why does her financial status matter to you since she is coming into your family. You are not going into hers. So, if you are richer, your financial and social status is what she takes on. Noone will ask you about her status and what family she comes from.

 

Finally, always remember this. If not this girl, someone else... but you will always face this Q... should I stop here and anchor my ship or keep rowing in hopes of finding someone better? We can't answer that Q. Only you can answer that. You are not the first person going through this dilemma, but you have to ask yourself what is it that you are looking for (even if it is as basic as good body, good sex, good housekeeping, good food, provides emotional support) and if you find most of the items on your list here, then go for it. If it doesn't feel right, wait until it feels right with someone else. But don't marry because you don't want to disappoint the girl. Your unhappiness, lack of excitement will eat away at your marriage. Always understand that marriage is a partnership and in a partnership your poor choices affect the other person and they have to carry the load of your mistakes. If you file for a divorce later, she will have to explain that to the next person she is trying to marry. Don't do this to anyone and yourself either.

[madyy]

Thanks guys for ur views above ....Well the only reason of feeling to have more beautiful girl is ...i have seen many boys whose personality is lesser than me but they have great looking partners....but its quite possible they have married at right age ..25-30 ..Well Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder thats true....but my fiancee is over weight by 8 kgs ....got to know she has some grey hairs as well which was not known at time of engagement.....though i asked her to do some gym to reduce weight but she looks not very keen on it....though grey hairs are common these days to youngsters so it wud not be that big concern ...but frankly i do not know how much % she has grey hair ,no clue as she applies dye....Also during my conversation one day...she said she is hot-tempered which is not a gud thing....though i have never expereinced it personally from her side...so i am in turbulence of all this thoughts .....The only Great thing abt her is her nature,character looks positive....and looks are ok types...

[Koglin]

I can answer your question by just reading your title heading and the answer is "no". If you have doubts of any kind right after proposing then cancel the engagement and sort your situation out first instead of dragging someone along.

[Unknown1607307972]

Of course real beauty is on the inside, physical attraction however is also something most people desire in the person they're going to marry and it sounds like you don't feel like this towards this girl. If you don't feel attracted to her then that will cause problems in a marriage. She may be a nice person, but that isn't enough to have a relationship with someone, there's got to be something more.

 

I think you shouldn't marry her, give her the chance to find someone who doesn't have doubts about her and give yourself the chance to find someone you feel attracted to as well as liking her personality.

[Fudgie]

If you really feel that strongly about looks then no, don't marry her.

 

I would just like to see the look on your face when you find a more "beautiful" girl to marry but then are horrified to find in some time that she too has aged, is x kg overweight, and has grey hairs.

[madyy]

Well Fudgie, i am a human and even i am not perfect ,i am also going to age with my partner and i am not that cruel either to get horrified. The only thing is i have mixed feelings for this girl ,sometimes my heart says Yes because of her nature and sometimes i feel otherwise. My biggest worry is if at all i decide not to proceed ,what shall i say her and parents .i do not have any strong reason to say because she talks sweet....on phone...and we are good freinds and suddenly one day i say i am backing out,its like ditching someone.....so this thought itself pulls me down in taking any decision. Also if i proceed to marry ,will her nature alone enhance love in relationship or i shd really feel that strong attaction in a girl for marriage.

[LAYAAN]

I hear you. You have valid Qs. I don't know the answer, neither you know it. Pray about it. Ask this girl if it would be okay if you keep talking to her to get to know her better rather than getting married right away. Is the wedding date set? Can you postpone it?