fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 We have been broken up 10 long days, after a 7 year relationship. He broke it up. My pictures are still in his facebook, and his status is in a relationship. We have not talked or seen each other. Yesterday I found a note in my car that said "I love you". I texted back "Me too..." In the middle of the night I got a text that says "Happy B-Day". This morning I go into facebook and there are pictures there of him at a costume party, some girl uploaded them. In this pictures he has a girl on both of his sides, all hugging and everything. Also, he shared the weirdest link on my wall in the middle of the night: wiki Pillars of the Earth (means nothing to me, I don't understand). Two questions: 1. Should I text back "Thank you"? 2. Should I change my profile pic (it is still of the 2 of us) before I answer all of the birthday wishes on my wall? I had not gone into facebook since we broke up, until this morning. Link to comment
Jim Wormold Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Well, I am too new here to be able to give any good advice, but I do wish to just say h d a y a p h p rt y b i Link to comment
Airbag Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 First off all, happy birthday! Secondly, if I were you, I'd change my profile picture. He's no longer part of your life, as hard as that may sound. I do think it's appropriate to send a simple "thank you" if you guys had a rather 'clean' break-up. I also suggest you should delete him from Facebook, because Facebook leads to more drama and more pain! Take care and have a wonderful day! Link to comment
offplanet Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 If he's definitely left you, it's thoughtless of him leaving you a note saying he loves you. I would ask him, if he's left you, to stop contacting you. And change your profile. Don't let him string you along like this. What's the point of him being friendly and affectionate to you if he's left you and is partying with other girls? You don't need that. It's a stupid scenario. There seems to be too much of it going on, according to the posts on this site. If someone dumps you and breaks your heart, they're not your friend and shouldn't try to be. They've made their choice, so they should be out of your life, not stuffing around with your emotions, giving you false hopes. Idiots! Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thank you Airbag! Yes, I have thought of deleting him if I am to heal. I haven't done it because, first it was too painful to go into facebook, second I don't want to do it until I am sure he doesn't want anything with me anymore, I don't want to send the wrong message. If I go 100% NC it would be to heal, not to get him back, you know? So I want to be sure first. I guess it depends on how today goes. Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Very true offplanet. Is he stringing me along? How can I be sure? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 First off, happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Now... I know you don't want to let him go (it's especially hard around a birthday (the fact he broke up right before your birthday is kinda meh)) but he broke up with you... I'm assuming you do not have children together so why are you still contacting him and vice versa? As hard as this is going to be (perhaps unfathomable) you need to let him go!!!! Do yourself a big big favor here. Get rid of facebook, as in delete it or don't look at it if you cannot avoid his pictures/wall postings/etc... It's going to drive you up a wall. Stop texting him, don't reply to his random text about a book. You spent 7 years together and he dumped you.....think about that. Go NC with him, don't reply to his texts and tell him that you need to not talk to him for a long, long time. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself. PS - I wasn't joking just delete your facebook profile. You don't need it. Link to comment
White Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Happy birthday He is sending confusing signals, but my advice would be to try NOT to contact him for some time. Why did u break up? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 This guys a doof. Put your foot down next time he sends an I love you, dont be his second string. Take off the FB pic, I would say, "thank you", and thats it. Next time he says he loves you, say, "lol, ok, did you forget we are broken up?" Then dont respond to whatever he says after that. Dont walk into these games. He seems real selfish right now, very questionable. Have a look around the forum and see how much some of these guys love their ex-gfs to the very end, find someone in your area like that. Someone who wants to fight to keep you, or at the very least, will break up with you with the respect you need. Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thank you LDRohnos and White. About facebook, I am thinking about the delete. On the other hand I manage my company's facebook so I still have to be around. We broke up because he felt it was going nowhere, and that I shut him out. I wanted to marry him, but not yet, not until he is more stable financially speaking. He said he no longer felt me the same way as before. Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thorhammer, that makes loads of sense. I will do that. Could it be... he regrets it, but is afraid? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Could it be... he regrets it, but is afraid? Doubt it. He might be having second thoughts but that's natural. He's probably just a little lost just like you are...but that doesn't mean he needs your sympathy about it. He dumped you....don't be his support while he gets over you. Look out for #1. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Have a look around the forum and see how much some of these guys love their ex-gfs to the very end, find someone in your area like that. Someone who wants to fight to keep you, or at the very least, will break up with you with the respect you need. all true. thorshammers advice is solid. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thorhammer, that makes loads of sense. I will do that. Could it be... he regrets it, but is afraid? Some dumpers regret (I would say most if there was still some love there, if at very least a clip of a movie or random thought promoted this thought for just a second). But you know what, hes going about it all wrong. Its hard to speculate if he regrets, if we keep in mind what is concrete in front of us. So lets keep it simple, whats concrete and right in front of us: In a relationship Seems to party and have women on him Sends you an I love you, then nothing more And... well... he broke up with you. Thats all you have. Not exactly the actions of someone who wants you back immediately. He is walking the line of someone very selfish, and that can be very dangerous to your healing and self-esteem. Dont be available, dont be his daily ego pick-me-up. Act like you have many options and that he left the best thing in his life, you reflect it, act like it, then hopefully, someone else can chase you (or him if he ever decides hes had enough, or had enough of the new one, but thats if you want to live backwards and have that annoying anxiety that ex's bring with them after a BU). Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Happy birthday fleurs! I would do this: Enjoy your birthday today. Tomorrow, change your photo. I would not make any further contact with this guy. Its so easy, a note, text, but actually he dumped you before your bday- classic. Don't thank him for anything except roses, or something significant. He's out partying and you are on ENA on your Bday. Something is wrong here. If you are thinking of having the option of getting back with him- ignore him completely. This way he will have to confront you. He is being passive for a reason...whatever that may be. Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 This all breaks my heart, it is just so harsh! I understand it completely. It is still so very painful. Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thank you sadchick. Although it is very hard. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I know how hard it is because it happened to me. If you really want him back, maybe you don't, ignore him. I think that this will also improve your self esteem. Of course it is painful. But, this first little while after breaking up is the worst. SOmeone once said it on eNA maybe lavenderdove? Breaking up is like taking an electric plug out of the wall. both people want to loosen the plug from the wall rather than take a hard yank. He is loosening himself from you with out actually making an effort. maintain your pride, disappear and DO NOT look at Facebook. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 This all breaks my heart, it is just so harsh! I understand it completely. It is still so very painful. You grow strong from it, i know that is cliche, but its true. Its like working out, you hit the muscle with heavy weights, break it down, and the muscle repairs itself to be bigger and stronger to resist that attack again. Its far healthier and attractive to see through the eyes of a stronger more experienced person (regardless of age, my friend who is in her 40s learned when she was 35!) so, even though you dont see it now, the experience and strength for this can make up for some of it. And who knows, you might become so strong and wise that when your ex comes back, you wont want him. I surprised myself when I turned all the ex's that came out of the woodwork. Link to comment
TSandullo Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Some fleurs to our fleurs ...well a peach at least, closest thing. Happy birthday gal. TS Link to comment
fleurs Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Thank you all very much. I haven't done anything yet, except change my profile pic from him+me to me+my family. BUT.... before I did this he took down the pictures with the girls. He didn't post them, some girl did, and apparently when he saw it he took it down. After this I changed my profile. I know I am only torturing myself more. Yes, I will not be a doormat, but I will delete him maybe tomorrow. Oh, another thing. He posted the link to the book again on my wall, and sent a private message with strange numbers. Any idea? Please, I will definitely stop this torture, but not today... tomorrow I will. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Good possibility he's just fishing for you to ask him what he's talking about....just ignore it. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Happy Birthday! I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I think it's best that you delete your photos from FB, the sooner the better. While you're at that, it's best that you delete him as well. Seriously, does it help to see him having fun without you? How does that really help in healing? Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Yup, agree w LD. WHen I was ignoring my ex, he would pretend he had a client for me...try every one of my phones. WHen I finally texted him back, I never got to meet this "client." Im sure he fabricated it. Fleurs, we are all 10 steps ahead of your ex. You have us in your back pocket! Link to comment
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