Confused, Lost and need direction

[IsItTimeToGoOn]

I have been in a relationship with my Fiancee for over 7 years now. About 4 months ago we got engaged. Everything seemed fine until we started having issues about everything. I guess we started fighting because we were both looking at the fine print in marriage and started to have some pause. We fought about choosing out the engagement ring to every other little thing. Well about 2 weeks ago she wanted her space then she broke up with me and said she did not love me anymore. She said she loves me but does not feel like shes in love with me. It seems that she had met this new guy online and he was giving her the attention that I was not able to give her. A couple of things...I was never the affectionate type and we had a lot of communication issues. Prior to this she was happy in our relationship. I was able to take care of her. We travelled a lot and when we are away from home everything seemed just wonderful. We communicated with each other, enjoyed each others company and had fun. If you look at her facebook it is filled with tons of happy moments and memories within the past 7 years. Now all of a sudden she feels that she does not feel the same way. I suspect that it is because there is this new guy in her life. She met this guy online and she has never met or spoken to him. This guy is original from my city but right now he is away at grad school 1500 hundred miles away. They currently communicate via the AOL instant messenger. I know that this guy is able to offer her everything that I am lacking such as making her feel special and such but I am willing to do those things for her now. When she broke up with me a few days ago it seems like she blaming me that I was not able to provide these needs for her. I told her that I can change and that I would do anything to have her in my life. She insisted she wanted to be apart. I asked if we can be friends and she agreed. That night we spoke and it appeared the she left the door open for our relationship. I told her that I had hope that one day we will be together and she stated that she never closed the door to that. She even made a couple of references to the fact that if we got back together or if I was to be with someone new that this is the way I should show them affection and such. Recently, when we spoke I tried to incorporate myself in her life and she just gets annoyed. I’m not sure what to do? Should I just give her space and move on? Everyone tells me that if I give her space she will one day realize that she loves me and come back but I’m afraid of losing her. We have not told our families that we have broken the engagement and we have agreed to tell them in about 2 months when she is done with this semester. She is under an extreme about of stress from school and I am not sure if this is part of the reason. I’m so confused and lost I don’t know what to do. I tried changing and tried showing her but she said it’s too much too fast. She says I should do it slowly and gradually otherwise I would push her away. I’m not sure what she wants anymore. Please help.

[Capltd29]

Hey there,

 

Based on your post it seems like your ex-fiance wants to be freed up romantically, but doesn't quite have the nerve to cut you out of her life. What she did to you was totally unfair, and based on my experience was a very poor way of breaking up with you. She's essentially trying to ease her own guilt by leaving the door open, so you still have hope...the problem is for you is that this hope could turn into an indefinite amount of time hoping to get back with her. She may also still love you, but wants to talk to this other guy for a while without burning bridges on her part. I had a guy do this to me once, I was so in love with him. He told me he wanted to break up, but persisted to continue talking to me, and left the door open for the future. This was 3 years ago, and I still find myself not completely over it.

 

Based on what I've dealt with (never had a 7 year relationship), its probably best for you to move on for yourself. It's going to be hard because of the way things went down with her. If you sit and "wait" for her to come back its just going to perpetuate the agony you feel right now into the future, over and over and over. She may come back to you once her internet fling is over, but that's not your responsibility right now, nor should you accept her back right away IMO.

 

Spend some time with your close friends, take yourself on a vacation, just enjoy being alive for what life's worth. Don't find a rebound right away, just try to recover for yourself.

[DN]

Assume the relationship is over and move on.

 

What were the arguments about - the engagement ring for instance?