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I lost my virginity


Callalily

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I don't know why I'm writing this right now, but if I can't talk to anyone I am going to lose my mind. I'm to embarassed to talk to someone I know. I got drunk saturday and slept with an old friend....I don't know what happened, I don't even remember much...I cannot believe what happened, I was not this knid of girl...I'm just so dissapointed and ashamed, I didn't want it to happen like this. I just feel used..what can I do now, I haven't even talked to the guy since it appened...I don't this we ever will

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I'm sorry things happened this way. There's nothing that can take back the events of this weekend, but your actions do not make you easy or a bad person in any way. Most people's virginity stories are on the not fantastic side of the fence, including mine. If you have feelings or this friend, then by all means, let him know. He may have feelings for you too. If he doesn't, that doesn't necessarily make him a terrible person; sex can mean something different, lighter, to men than it can to women. The best thing you can do is forgive yourself, forgive him, and move forward in your life in a manner that is consistent with who you want to be.

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thanks.I guess I kinda panicked a little. I mean I was embarassed and ...I guess now I don't even really know how to act around him.we were both drunk. It's not like I was saving myself for marriage, but I didn't want it to happen like this.I felt cheap and stupid and dissapointed.

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TT - Ruined it for the guy you fall in love with???? Good lord. Like her virginity was some grand "gift" she would be handing him that he will now have to live his entire life without? Her not being a virgin will mean nothing to the guy she falls in love with if he loves her back. That's about the least important thing in a relationship.

 

Callalilly - don't let it bother you. Everyone has to lose their virginity at some point in some way. Few people have the magical moment fairy tales led us to expect. It maybe could have happened in a better way, but then it could have happened in a worse way. It says virtually nothing about you as a person. I hope you talk to the guy. He might well have expected it to happen as you - too much alcohol tends to do that kind of thing. Contacting him sooner than later would make it easier - just a "well, THAT wasn't what I expected to happen. Can we just pretend it never did?" type thing. The friendship might now be strained or it might lead to even a closer friendship.

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The guy I lost my virginity too turned out to be a psycho who liked to rape teenage girls and burn down buildings. So it could be worse. Like Tommy said, most of us regret our first time. The first time really isn't as special as TV makes it out to be. It's like how it shows marriage as this happy ending thing when in real life, marriage is a constant up and down roller coaster that sometimes is and sometimes isn't worth it. I'm sorry that your first time wasn't better. I feel for you hunny. But don't feel bad. You seem to be showing a lot of guilt, but it happens. We have all messed up before. Don't feel guilty about it. Just learn from it and move on.

 

Can I ask you something? How old are you? Also, did you take precautions (like the morning after pill)?

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Ouch, harsh, ruined it for the guy you actually fall inlove with!

 

Who's says he'll be a virgin anyway? Most men aren't when they get married, so why should the girl have to?

 

OP, that just means that on your wedding night, you won't ruin the sheets. You can use the good ones for your first night with your hubby.

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Could be worse.

You could have done this while with someone.

 

But none the less it is understandably disappointing for you.

Just understand this will not count against the majority of men out there.

Indeed some men can be rather serous about the virgin thing but this only limits them.

 

Still be proud in yourself for who you are.

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Look at it this way...

 

In general, it seems to me that nowadays, virgins are less desireable. the currently trend is people have sex when they are in the realtiosnhip they desire, even if they are not married. It's no longer a Yule log, sex is now an enjoyable activity that occurs between two human being, most commonly two human beings with a deeply shared feeling for each other.

 

In some ways your virginity was a deterrant.

 

Now that you are free from this issue, you no longer have to stress out about your next partner being "the one" you want to lose it too. You can freely pursue that relationship to it's fullest depths without the pressure of "OMG he's my first." The pressure has been removed.

 

I'm not at all advocating that you simply give it up at the drop of the hat. But now, you're able to give it up if you desire it. It's not a bad thing. Sex is every much a part of a normal healthy relationship, and I guarantee you'll find many guys who would be happy to be with you even though you are not a virgin.

 

You know what kind of relationship you want, so go seek it - there's no more pressure on you OR that other guy to be perfect for each other!

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Thanks for your support.honestly.I guess I was just disappointed with myself for getting drunk and doing stupid things. I wasn't saving myself for marriage,it's just that I trully would have preferred it to happen in a different way. I took the morning after pill just to be on the safe side, I don't remember if he used a condom, that's probably part of why I was so ...I don't know...frustrated...freaked out...I don't rememeber the entire night.He was drunk too,although not as wasted as me. I trully am an idiot.

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No, you were drunk.

 

Best thing to rememebr is that if you drink too much, stupid things will happen.

 

So don't get too drunk again.

 

Me personally, I've gone the route of abstaining from alchohol altogether. But that's a persoanl decision; I don't push it on anyone else.

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I don't know what happened, I don't even remember much...I cannot believe what happened, I was not this knid of girl...I'm just so dissapointed and ashamed, I didn't want it to happen like this. I just feel used..what can I do now,

 

I haven't even talked to the guy since it appened...

I don't this we ever will

That's one reason (the highilghted part) why it's never smart to rush into sex, esp. if you haven't developed a relationship with the other.

He's likely moving onto other women.

 

Thanks for your support.honestly.I guess I was just disappointed with myself for getting drunk and doing stupid things.

 

I wasn't saving myself for marriage,it's just that I trully would have preferred it to happen in a different way.

 

Please someone tell me, what's the rush? (Not asking the OP here).

 

Let feelings work their course. If it's the right time, and the two of you share emotional attachment, you'll know it.

 

 

*** This posting comes from someone who lost his @17, wayyyyyyyyyy too early and one of his biggest life regrets....

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Want to share this casual sex experience I had @25-26, which I really regret.

 

 

 

Some may laugh and chide me for my ignorance and religious guilt, but still, I think that woman & I could have had a better relationship had I not been so interested in having sex with her on that first "date."

 

She did want to see me again. As a lonely sex- and relationship-starved single guy in his 20s, I likely would have pursued a relationship with her.

Look how my lusts ruined things !!!

 

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That's one reason (the highilghted part) why it's never a good reason to rush into sex, esp. if you haven't developed a relationship with the other.

He's likely moving onto other women.

 

Let feelings work their course. If it's the right time, you'll know it.

 

Please someone tell me, what's the rush? (Not asking the OP here).

 

 

*** This posting comes from someone who lost his @17, wayyyyyyyyyy too early and one of his biggest life regrets....

 

You know that part about alchohol being a Social Lubricant? Deep Down, she wanted to have sex and he wanted to have sex and they were there and they were available to each other so they had sex. Any inhibition she had or he had was evaproated by the drink. There's no rocket science here, just basic human social behavior. It's called being In the Moment. What's the rush? There's no rush, its simply what's happening Right Now. And when you're drunk, Everythign sounds like a good idea.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed about if it happens,but if it does, it's a good moment to wake up and reflect on how you are personally affected by these things like drinks and such.

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Thanks for your support.honestly.I guess I was just disappointed with myself for getting drunk and doing stupid things. I wasn't saving myself for marriage,it's just that I trully would have preferred it to happen in a different way. I took the morning after pill just to be on the safe side, I don't remember if he used a condom, that's probably part of why I was so ...I don't know...frustrated...freaked out...I don't rememeber the entire night.He was drunk too,although not as wasted as me. I trully am an idiot.

 

Doing regrettable things when you're drunk doesn't make you stupid, we all do. Hell when I was drinking I broke a four poster bed trying to pole dance to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song on it. Another time I tried to prove I wasn't drunk by doing the drunk test and poked myself in the eye which led to stumbling around, and walking right into a wall, falling down on the hardwood floor. That one hurt like hell in the morning!

 

If you're so worried, it sounds like you don't normally do crazy things when you drink, so it should be fine, just don't drink so much next time.

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I think that would be a smart decision for me as well

 

It could be. I don't know enough about your drinking your tell, but I do know that most people who shouldn't drink, don't ever think that they might need to stop, so it might be a good idea for you to completely abstain. Do you think your an alcoholic? or just drank too much that night? You could try an AA meeting. It helped me a lot.

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You know that part about alchohol being a Social Lubricant? Deep Down, she wanted to have sex and he wanted to have sex and they were there and they were available to each other so they had sex. Any inhibition she had or he had was evaproated by the drink. There's no rocket science here, just basic human social behavior. It's called being In the Moment. What's the rush? There's no rush, its simply what's happening Right Now. And when you're drunk, Everythign sounds like a good idea.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed about if it happens,but if it does, it's a good moment to wake up and reflect on how you are personally affected by these things like drinks and such.

Understand all that.

That incident I linked to above, didn't involve alcohol, so sometimes other things factor in...

 

Originally Posted by Callalily

 

I haven't even talked to the guy since it appened...

I don't this we ever will

Having feelings and trust in and toward the other makes things soooooooo much better.

You don't have to worry about if the other will call again.

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I'm not an alcoholic....I don't drink.at all.or at least I didn't use to. it's just that the last 2 months have been extremelly difficult and busy for me, I had some problems with school and my family and I don't know, it all happened so fast.I just lost control and didn't know when to stop.I'm gonna stay away from clubs and alcohol for a while...a long while

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