Help me understand the female mind

[awesomeopposum]

We were so close. she told me everything, told me things she never told her best friends, and always came to me. Our affection grew and we showed so much of it to each other. We Kissed, made out, and slept in the same bed all on several occasions. Shes someone who has tor really get to know a guy, and for a long time before doing anything with him. We have never dated which is why we stopped the kissing and sleeping together so we can do that when we are dating. She says she wants to be friends and do friend things until we are ready to date. Now none of that is there, the kissing and sleeping stopped a month ago and the affection slowed down and is now nothing shortly after.

 

One thing is she just started college, before we even got close she said she wasn't wanting a relationship during college, at least until she got comfortable with it. Even when we were close she mentioned this a few times. So it does make sense as to why we cut those things out, because she wants to concentrate on studies, and because it wasn't right doing relationship stuff just as friends.

 

However it seems odd that she can suppress so much feelings for me to concentrate on school. I mean I don't even get the compliments anymore, and she doesn't look at me the same way. She may be holding so much back just so the relationship stuff doesn't start again which we don't want right now, but still. She is very honest and whenever I mention I like her, and I still think she likes me, she has never rebutted it and said she doesn't have feelings for me, she also tells me not to worry and just see where it goes.

 

Am I losing her, or should I just believe that she just wants to concentrate on her studies?

[SpottiOtti]

She has told you exactly why this is happening. She doesn't want a relationship during college. She wants to focus on her studies. Your trouble is that you either can't believe she is capable of that (why?) or you don't want to accept it.

[Lonewing]

She already stated what she wants. I'd say your best bet is to let her go...

[Mesemene]

We have never dated which is why we stopped the kissing and sleeping together so we can do that when we are dating. She says she wants to be friends and do friend things until we are ready to date.

 

One thing is she just started college, before we even got close she said she wasn't wanting a relationship during college, at least until she got comfortable with it. Even when we were close she mentioned this a few times.

 

First things first - you didn't have her to lose. From what you've said, she never viewed herself as being committed in any way, shape, or form to you - she liked you, but didn't want a relationship, and wanted to focus on college.

 

It seems from what you've said that she looks on you as a friend that MAY have potential for more in the future - but not the near future. She's drawn her boundaries around what she wants. And that's something you can't change.

 

Get on with living your own life - if things change, she'll let you know, but seems right now the only thing she wants from you is friendship. If it hurts only having friendly contact, tell her you still feel about her as other than a friend, and you're stepping away to respect her wishes. You don't have much of a choice here, she's got her mind made up, what you control is how you handle it.