Breakup Analysis Help

[rakshas]

Hi,

 

Let me begin my story. I dated a girl for 6 months in a LDR. She was in the same city as mine when we started to date then she went to another city.

 

She had been in a 3 year relation which she broke as his BF was not finiancially stable. She is 27 and her ex Bf 24. She told me that she loved her boyfriend but she had priorities about marriage. She had many other relationships which did not worked out prior to that. I do not know who brokeup in those relationships.

 

We started to date before she was about to move to another city . She liked me and I liked her. I am 29, finiancially sound, good career, part time musician, composer and ambitious about business ( Which I am working on). I was planning to include her in the business prospects.

 

I really loved her but never told her as I was still deciding( it was an LDR hence I thought to buy more time). She loved me and told me about it at various ocassions. She was insecure and used to tell me that she was not sure if she will ever get married and have kids. She was still maintaining celibacy and I still respected that, so we did not have sex during this time, only oral. Whenever she used to tell me that, I used to say "Do not worry it will work out". I wanted to get married to her but I just wanted to be more sure, as she had left her previous boyfriend whom she loved so I just wanted to make sure she was not dating me for my career and financial stability. She also told me I was intelligent, intellectually stimulating, funny, spiritual, family oriented, handsome and successful.

 

We visited each other 4 times. Once in a while I got angry and used to keep quiet, but still never shouted at her or abused her. I still apologised to her.

Since the first date I was pushing her to take GMAT and apply to good MBA schools, as she was an intelligent girl and a valedictorian. I saw that ability her and wanted her to exploit it. She was doing an okay job but I really wated her to excel in her life.

 

I did not wat to say what all I did for her but she left me saying that I never did anything for her, so I just want to tell to the board member, so you guys may judge me.

 

I cooked for her when her friend passed away, when she was busy packing her stuff to move to another state, I worked from home when she was here so that we can get more time, I got pictures of her deleted from the camera of a guy who was taking pictures of her secretly , I watched her dog all the time when she was not here, purchased materials worth $600+ for her GMATexams from websites, composed songs for her, took her to baseball games as I knew she liked it, making her meet my friends so that she did not feel I was just dating her for heck of it, gave her freedom to do whatever she wanted to do, gave her personal finance book so that she could manage her finances, constantly pressuring to get Hep B vaccine, gave her my car when she was in town. There are so many other small things that I did for her, which sh eher self acknowledges.

 

She broke up with me. The reasons she gave me

a) I criticised her ( She used to wear a lot of make up. I told her try to wear less makeup. Positive criticism)

b) I treated her like trash.

c) Never respected her. ( I used to tell her how she was better than my ex)

d) Never did anything for her.

e) She said she felt empty as I could not converse with her about Christianity. I am a non Christian but I read about Christianity and go to Church. No big deal for me.

f) She told me she has priorities to get married and have kids.

g) I never cared for her half of the time. ( I am so confused here.)

 

I am actually hurt as I think I did a lot for her. Never disrespected her. I am in no mood to go back to her because I still believe I am too good for her as she just left me. She betrayed my trust. I told her I will work on me and will never give a chance to repeat the mistakes. She told me, I do not give second chances and advised to learn from my mistakes and grow. She said we will not remain friends and nevr to contact her.

 

I wrote a letter to her after a month wishing her all the best in life and a poem about the relationship. I have no expectaions from this relationship and I hope she finds someone who is much better than me. I do not understand how easy it is for females to leave someone if they don see their ends getting met. I guess she was selfish and self centered. This is what I was scared from the beginning about her previous relationship, which came out to be true in my case as well.

 

Member thank you for your time. If possible, Please provide me with your feedback

[Mauxly]

Did she leave her ex for you?

[rakshas]

No actually, she had left him and was moving to a different city. It was then I found out that she had broken up with her ex. She was still FB friends with him. She also told me that during the last 2 months before the breakup she started to like me. We were business friends and just talked random stuff.

[catfeeder]

Someone fresh out of a LTR breakup is not even dating material, much less relationship material. If they want to leapfrog straight to you, you can be sure they'll say they're over the ex and you are certainly NOT a rebound.

 

That's bunk. They'll take all that you offer, and then they'll step over you to go explore the single life or leapfrog to the next guy who's a bit more of a challenge.

 

Whatever excuses they use don't matter. Some will make up garbage that doesn't even make sense, others will at least acknowledge your role in helping them heal--but it's all irrelevant, you were a stepping stone whether they ever meant to use you that way, or not. People fresh out of breakup are a mess, whether they 'appear' that way or not, and if you step in to play the role of savior, stable BF, mentor, whatever, the outcome is the same--you get used.

 

Make it your private policy to never mess with people fresh out of a breakup, and you'll thank yourself later.