Dating my ex-husband

[DEgirl23]

My story is one for the records. To give you a little background before I get to my questions. My ex and I started dating when I was in the 9th grade. It was a rocky road back then, we had a lot of ups and downs. At 19 I got pregnant with our daughter and that same year we got married and by the time I was 21 I had my son. Our relationship was so immature and we did not have a normal relationship at all. He drank a lot and seemed never to be home. I always said that we brought the worst out of each other.

Then at 24 I found myself divorced with 2 kids. That first year he was involved with seeing the kids, but after that, I raised them on my own for the last 8 years. In the last 2 years, my ex has been coming back around (or at least calling the kids and see how they are doing). He doesn't have a license (another long story) and lives about 200 miles away. This summer he took the kids for the first time for a week vacation. Also has finally been working on getting his acted together with his finances. I have always talked to him off and on over the years (sometimes good sometimes bad) I have dated off and on but nothing ever serious. Just recently he told me that he still loved me and that he knows he made a lot of mistakes by then. That he didn't treat me the way that a wife should have been treated. We are doing the things that we never did when we were younger. Emailing each other little notes. When I see him, we sit together on the couch cuddling watching a movie. We are communicating about everything and things feel good. But I am scared. Do you think a person can get his act together? Become a better person? Still love me after 10 years? I told him he hardly knows me, that I as a person has changed a lot. And my values have changed. But he agrees with me on everything and understands that he has to prove his self to me. This weekend I am visiting him were he leaves for the weekend without the kids. We want to talk and see how things go. Just tell me am I being stupid or should I take the chance. Thanks for any advise

[Zipp]

I am a romantic and I truly believe that people can change. You loved him once, it's possible that you both still have strong feelings for each other. This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other as you are now. Even if a relationship doesn't develop at least you can have a better relationship as parents for your kids.

 

Take a chance.

[Beec]

People can change. They have to want to in order to do it. But he seems to be saying the right things, things that say he wants to do that.

 

The first question you must answer is can you trust him. But that comes in two parts. The first and obvious part is whetehr he is trustworthy, and that he will need to demonstrate. The second part, is whether you can ever let yourself trust him. I've seen relationships where on never trusts the other person enough in order to make it a real relationship. You need to know, or at least feel, that someday if he is the man he says he wants to be, he could be free for say a weekend without you being suspicious. He ahs to be able to demosntrate he is trustworthy, but if he does, you must know you can demonstrate trust. If you can and he is doing so, then you should only listen to how you feel. Do you want to do this? Then do it, but be careful. And take your time letting the kids in on how you feel. You getting back together is one of their biggest dreams, I'd bet.

[DEgirl23]

Thanks for the advise. I do believe I trust him to an extent. I think time will only tell there. Especially since we live about 2 hours away from each other and right now we are see each other only on the weekends. But we spend a lot of time talking on the phone and that is what I think we need to is communicate. It is something that we did not do when we were young and married.

 

It was only been about 2 weeks since we starting doing what we are doing. I am nervous about telling my family. We have been divorced forever and he was always the bad guy. But he really wants to make up for it all. If you asked me this time last year if we would ever get back together, I would say NO WAY!! But know I don't know, I like what I see and feel right now. He really seems different and really seems like he wants this to work. We will only see.