when someone finds out they have HIV

[phasegirl]

A male friend of mine, whom I've known for a while - almost 5 years now, has suddenly isolated himself from everyone, and I strongly suspect he found out he has HIV. I don't want to get into the how I know, because it's really besides the point.

 

Point is, he seems so spaced out from work and his general life, that I really feel bad for him. I'm at a loss for words - not that I can say anything as he hasn't revealed anything to me personally. But he's withdrawn considerably and has stopped speaking to anyone except in short answers. This has been going on now for 3 months. He's called out sick so many times from work that it looks like the bosses are becoming impatient. (I'm not sure if they know what the situation is, I highly doubt it)

 

One day, I said hello to him and although he acknowledged me, he just "ghosted" right by me. It's almost like he's lost in another world, which I guess is understandable.

 

My question is - (and it's probably a stupid one, but I am concerned) - I know that HIV is something one can live with, with the right medication, so I'm hoping he'll bounce back when it sinks in, but does anyone here think that people who react that way will ever come around? How does one feel when one finds out they have this disease? I know the beginning of it can be shocking, obviously, but I'm concerned about him and I'm wondering if he'll ever be the person he used to be.

[Furtive]

People can live with it for a long time, but think about the conditioning of our society.

 

Even though HIV isn't technically aids, it's like saying: "well, you're going to die a lot younger now."

 

Because that's the impression, and to an extent it's true. Wouldn't you feel like him if all of the things you were planning on in your life were all of a sudden cut short? All those taxes into social security, things put aside for later life, no kids in his future, you can't deny that a lot of naive people will be sacred of him (sickness has a way of bringing out true friends, and showing other's true colors), taking more pills than you can count daily to the point where you're throwing up...I mean the list is endless.

 

Yes, a positive person can come around, sure. But don't you think he deserves to be depressed and a little less out going well he comes to terms with it? If you really know, and it's not by covert means, why don't you show that you are one of the friends that's by his side and not afraid. Instead of typing on here asking for advice and how people feel, go talk to him. Find out how he feels, bring him something to eat. Just be his friend and help him cope.

 

I hope he comes around, bug obviously you can see how this can devastate a person at first and for a while.

[Mesemene]

Instead of typing on here asking for advice and how people feel, go talk to him. Find out how he feels, bring him something to eat. Just be his friend and help him cope.

 

Since his behavior has changed so much, you don't even have to tell him you know.

 

Just tell him you've noticed he's been depressed and absent a good bit, and that you're concerned as a friend. And tell him you're there, if he needs a friend.

 

Hopefully he'll get to a point he'll feel he can talk about it, but all you can really do is be there and listen.

[chitown9]

I worked as a volunteer at a facility that offered counseling for the infected and affected. Some of the clients were teenagers. Yes, they were able to function in a normal manner; however, some days were better than other days, and if they were having a bad day they would not attend the counseling sessions. I would look into researching to see if similar resources are available for your friend in his community. Maybe you could pass some helpful resource such as this to your friend...

[phasegirl]

Instead of typing on here asking for advice and how people feel, go talk to him. Find out how he feels, bring him something to eat. Just be his friend and help him cope.

 

I don't think that would be wise as he hasn't told me directly he has this disease. But I did ask him if he needs help with shopping and cooking, etc, that I would help him if he's ever alone.

 

Btw, I don't think there's anything wrong with my typing on this forum and asking for advice, it's what the forum is for lol

[chitown9]

Btw, I don't think there's anything wrong with my typing on this forum and asking for advice, it's what the forum is for lol

.

Exactly. I think that it is so great that you are sensitive to your friend.

[Furtive]

I don't think that would be wise as he hasn't told me directly he has this disease. But I did ask him if he needs help with shopping and cooking, etc, that I would help him if he's ever alone.

 

Btw, I don't think there's anything wrong with my typing on this forum and asking for advice, it's what the forum is for lol

 

Firstly, I never said there was anything "wrong" with using this forum. But I think in this situation it's pretty self explanatory. He's a friend in need and you should be offering that support as soon as possible, not seeking second opinions on if you should go give him support or not. That's just how I feel, thus answering your question...using these forums. And I typed that in the context of "from here on," not retroactively, if you...understand what I mean...I hope...

 

On the other point, consider what I said in correlation with what Mesemene typed...you don't have to go to him and say "hey buddy, I know you have HIV, how I can help."

 

Not at all, in fact even if he knew you knew I would never suggest that. But really, you're telling me it's not a good idea for you to go over there and acknowledge that he's been depressed, different, calling in sick to work, and that you want him to know that you're here for him - bring him a little something to eat, maybe a drink and talk it out?

 

I'm trying to keep this post from a derogatory nature, but it's two of my pet peeves when people a) put words in my mouth and b) don't, or pretend not to understand what I've said.