How can I get over the little things?

[resmarted]

My gf of 11 months broke up with me yesterday. (me 19, her 21).

 

So far, I'm taking the breakup really really hard. I've gone NC and hope she comes back to me, but I really don't think she will judging by her tone when she broke up with me.

 

The hardest thing to get over right now are the little things..like we had so many plans of things to do together the next time I visited her (long distance). I loved watching Disney movies with her (she loved Disney), and her constantly sending me pictures of her new dog. The part that hurts the most is that she is a virgin, and the thought of her first time being with someone else is killing me inside.

 

How do I get over these kind of things? I keep having thoughts and dreams about them and then I burst into tears.

[pietro5266]

Time is the only cure for this. I know, this answer sucks, but it's true. Last time I was dumped, I tried everything to get over my ex, but nothing helped. Every word, image, thought, sound, etc. reminded me about something regarding my ex. It was crazy-making.

 

I just broke-up with a girlfriend today (the reason I'm on this site tonight , and, even though I was the dumper, I'm sad in the same way, because of all the things that remind me of her. I have to go through a similar period of letting her go.

 

The best thing is to keep yourself as busy as possible, engage with friends and others as much as possible, and that will at least help distract you a bit. After 2 weeks or so (yes it will likely take at least that long), the constant reminders will diminish; getting over the breakup completely will likely take many more weeks. Good luck.

[Tmania]

I know how your feeling. I went through my first break up about 7 weeks ago. I was absolutely devastated. I loved her so much. I remember always thinking about the hardest part of the break up. The things we used to do, the way she looked, the way she felt. I would tell myself that this was the hardest part, and then I would tell myself that that was the hardest part. The truth is it's just hard to lose someone you love. [i know this won't help but] the thing about love is that it grows, you never start off in love with someone, you will love again, and probably love even more. Unfortunately you there's nothing you can really do to get over these things. It will just happen in time. All you can do is do things to keep your mind off it. Watch lots of tv and talk to friends.

 

As for the hoping she will com back. Right after the break up I think we all do, eventually that feeling will fade, but trust me it takes time. For now read and reread this

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=391427

[resmarted]

It's just so hard man..

 

I talked to her for HOURS every single day for a year. Everyday. And now to think I'll never talk to her again, or at least, never again as lovers just kills me. Every god damn thing reminds me of her, and I know she probably isn't even thinking of me at all.

[Nagant]

I think that's one of the hardest parts, dealing with little tiny reminders. My ex and I were together 2.5 years, so we had plenty of little things only we shared and now even the slightest reminder can set them off. However after some 3 weeks (almost 4 now) of not seeing her and 2 weeks of NC it's getting a bit easier. Trust me, I have a ways to go, and so do you, but if you honestly remove her from your life (including anything that will easily bring back reminders) it WILL get easier.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that while those little things are indeed special it's not the end of the world. When you're ready to start seeing someone else far down that road you'll be able to form the same little bonds with the next girl. Believe me, I know it's not very comforting to hear those words (I felt the same way 3 weeks ago) but time will help. Just honestly make an attempt to stick to NC. If you have Facebook deactivate it, or if you have the will (which I still don't quite yet) delete her as a friend or just delete your whole profile, ha! Facebook is good (in a very bad way for your situation) at bringing back little memories. In a few weeks time you WILL start to feel better. Trust me. There will be setbacks (I still have plenty) but in the end you'll come out just fine!

[Mesemene]

It's slow. It's painful. And for a while, you'll feel like it's two steps forward, and one to four steps back.

 

The littlest things can just rise up out of nowhere, and smack you in the gut. It's usually the things that ARE little, and it's because there's no way to "psych yourself up" for something like putting winter clothes into storage and getting summer ones out, and finding the program for the concert you went to in the park, for example.

 

It DOES get better. Piet is right - basically you've had another person occupying a space in your days - doing things for them, thinking of them, and having things done for you, that's left a raw, gaping hole.

 

And you need to start filling it. It WILL feel like just going through the motions at first. No way around it, it's a huge change, you didn't want it, and your emotions are going to be telling you the whole time it's not the same, it's not helping, etc.

 

And you need to keep doing it anyway, for yourself. Pick up a new hobby, or revive an old one. Connect with friends. Work out, run, or take up another physical activity. (Physical things help with sleep as well as giving you something to vent). You're not getting support from your ex - so you need to pour some of that energy back into yourself.

 

And eventually, you'll have hours, then days that go by, and you'll realize you didn't have a sad thought. Or you looked forward to something. And you'll know you're on the road to winning yourself back.

[resmarted]

I guess I should mention that she was the first girl I ever loved and wanted a future with her. Our relationship had been really rocky over the last few months (including a break up initiated by me that lasted for a week). She said she's given me too many chances and that we would never work.

 

We were gonna get dogs together, and go on our honeymoon to somewhere tropical. The first movie we watched together was a love story... and every love story movie we watched afterwards I secretly loved watching with her.

 

Things were going well for a few weeks, and then this past week it just fell apart. I don't know how. I guess I wasn't good enough.

 

Does the person who initiates the breakup ever even think about the dumpee? She said she still loved and cared about me, but that it wasn't going to work.. I know what I did wrong, I just want one more chance

[The_Seeker]

This is how I handled my first breakup.

 

- Work

- Workout

- Dating

- Be strong. Every time you think of your ex, do 20 pushups.

[thelastsong]

- Be strong. Every time you think of your ex, do 20 pushups.

 

That is some fantastic advice. I'll have to follow that.

 

And resmarted, don't ever think of yourself as not good enough. Did you do some things to contribute to the break up? Probably. But you sound pretty decent to me, and I think the break up has a lot more to do with her than it does with you.

 

I promise it does get better!

[The_Seeker]

That is some fantastic advice. I'll have to follow that.

 

And resmarted, don't ever think of yourself as not good enough. Did you do some things to contribute to the break up? Probably. But you sound pretty decent to me, and I think the break up has a lot more to do with her than it does with you.

 

I promise it does get better!

 

Trust me girl, it gets you so much pain that you feel alive and realize you forgot about the ex.

 

;] Because of doing 20 pushups every time I think I think about the exes that I had or the guys I dated but pulled the disappearing act [i delete their numbers after 1 week and yes I did leave a call/text], I am able to do one handed pushup. Woot!

[resmarted]

Why do I feel so sad and depressed, and then get happy for a moment, and then sad and depressed again? Is this normal?

 

I don't really have friends, most of my friends were online due to the nature of our relationship. I lost connection with most of my HS friends.

 

I know I'd probably be better without her after I've moved on, but if that is the case, why do I miss her so much and want her back so bad?

[thelastsong]

Why do I feel so sad and depressed, and then get happy for a moment, and then sad and depressed again? Is this normal?

 

I don't really have friends, most of my friends were online due to the nature of our relationship. I lost connection with most of my HS friends.

 

I know I'd probably be better without her after I've moved on, but if that is the case, why do I miss her so much and want her back so bad?

 

What you're feeling is completely normal. It's like trying to beat an addiction.

 

Have you thought about taking a class or joining a club? After my break up, I started taking karate lessons. It made me leave the house, meet new people, fill up my time, exercise, feel good about myself... It was a tremendous help.

 

I know it's hard, but you've just got to do what you can to make it through the next five minutes.

[resmarted]

What you're feeling is completely normal. It's like trying to beat an addiction.

 

Have you thought about taking a class or joining a club? After my break up, I started taking karate lessons. It made me leave the house, meet new people, fill up my time, exercise, feel good about myself... It was a tremendous help.

 

I know it's hard, but you've just got to do what you can to make it through the next five minutes.

 

I don't have a car right now, so I really can't go anywhere. I live on a small college campus that doesn't really have anything to offer that I'm interested in. I don't really feel like I fit in with the people there either.

[idontunderstan]

I feel that I really needed to reply to this because I went through the same exact thing.

I'm at about 4 weeks since the breakup and things are beginning to get better.

As everyone else says, time will help.

I know you don't want to hear this, I know I sure didn't.

But it is completely and 100% true.

As for the part of her first time being with someone else, I can relate.

I still have troubles thinking of her being with somebody who isn't me. I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend.

It's a feeling that pains me even after four weeks.

But I can tell that I'm starting to make peace with the situation.

I no longer cry, i no longer allow myself to break down.

I'm telling you buddy, time cures everything.

Think about yourself now. I'm sure you have done so much for her as a boyfriend but now it's time to be selfish.

Realize that, you need to find yourself and be who you want to be.

Look at it as a new beginning.

The end of a chapter.

New life.

Start over right now.

I'm about to turn 18 and in my senior year of high school. It's about time that I focus on my life, because I have a huge step coming in the future; college.

 

Just keep yourself busy, and be with friends. That has helped me.

Force yourself to hangout with them even if you don't want to.

I'm slightly anti social but that didn't stop me from seeing my friends because they truly made me feel better.

And take it day by day. Don't think about what tomorrow will bring.

Focus on five minute increments.

Do one task, and then do another. One at a time.

 

 

Hope you're well. Message me if you need anything.

[resmarted]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I tried to sleep since my last post, but I kept dreaming of us getting back together. Each time I woke up and felt like I wanted to jump out a window. I wish I could rewind time and start over with her. I'd make sure I didn't make the same mistakes. I'm really tired of crying, I wish I could stop, but I can't.

[resmarted]

Well, I'm feeling better today. But, it hasn't been night yet. I know night is gonna be really difficult again. Thinking about her having sex with someone else is still killing me though. Everytime I think about it I get REALLY sad and depressed, and I keep picturing it in my head

 

Does THIS part ever go away?

[thelastsong]

Well, I'm feeling better today. But, it hasn't been night yet. I know night is gonna be really difficult again. Thinking about her having sex with someone else is still killing me though. Everytime I think about it I get REALLY sad and depressed, and I keep picturing it in my head

 

Does THIS part ever go away?

 

I'm have the same problem, but I have faith that it'll get better. I just try to distract myself and think about something else. I usually don't go to bed unless I'm exhausted so that I don't spend too much time lying in bed just feeling that empty space beside me and thinking about him with her.

 

Distraction, my friend. It's not good to ruminate.

[Snowy]

When you are hurt, your ego is hurt, and you will find every little thing to dwell on.

 

Even if you did take her virginity, trust me, you would find another thing to be hurt about.

 

The key here is to accept that she is gone. You have absolutely nothing to do with her now.