I see my soul mate everyday but we arent together

[threadhead]

I try to fight these feelings with every ounce of my being because I am in a relationship with a man that i truly respect. I also dont want my man to feel or look like a fool. I thought these feelings for the other guy would go away but its been years and i'm at odds with myself. My life is in shambles and this is the last thing I should be thinking about but I can't help but feel I'm fighting nature on this one. We are all mutual friends and in the time we spend together I only see myself making a home with him. Not the man who loves me to death and treats me like a queen. My bf and I are never on the same page and have no lines of communication and there is zero romance we dont even kiss and he thinks this is normal. How that doesn't inspire him to end the relationship is beyond me. I always know I wanted out of this but its very complicated I've been with him almost half my life. Ane he puts up with So much of my crap and my little alcohol problem. On the other hand me and this other dude are totally in sync, its asif we can finish each others sentences. Whats crazy is that we both feel the same way about my bf. He loves him too and sees all his good qualities and deals with the annoying ones. He also respects him so much that he wouldnt dare try anything with any girl his friend is dating..lucky me.

I have never dared to even lock eyes with the friend or give him any indication that I'm about to burst inside trying to battle these feelings. I want this thing so bad that I just wanna be single so he can court me. I cant believe I used that word but its why I would never even give him a hint. I dunno what to do because this man whom worships the ground I walk on is dead set on not letting anyone have his pie. i swear he probably acts like this because he took my virginity.

I feel like I am pressed for time because the friend is single and we are at that age of marriage and children. I don't want to allow too much time so a random chick can enter the picture. This equation feels soo backwards. When he leaves my place I feel like my boyfriend should be the one leaving? I know it isn't lust we are just soo compatible. Here's the kicker I don't even know whats going on in his head. I don't even know if hes attracted to me.. i'm dieing to find out. I have a hunch my bf also saw the potential for me and "the friend" so he's sabotaging me by possibly telling this guy off putting things about me. He could purposely be talking about our sex life which has to be a turn off because no one wants another dudes "left overs". How should I go about this? I don't wanna be alone for the next couple of decades waiting for my soulmate to get divorced because he married the wrong gal. Whew that felt good to get off my chest. Sorry if this post is confusing its soo hard to organize bottled up feelings, confused thoughts and hidden emotions while putting them into words. Part of me wonders if the intensity has only to do with the whole forbidden fruit thing.

[midnightdeirdre]

Wow, you've been with your bf half your life? How old are you guys?

 

Second, I've been in a similar situation to yours. When I was 20, I had a crush on this guy named Walker, while a boy named Sean had a crush on me. Like your bf, Sean worshipped me & was willing to treat me like a queen. Unfortunately, I just wasnt interested in Sean. I did give him a chance (for 2 days) but I had to end it because the attraction just wasn't mutual. (I did date Walker for about a week, but he broke it off with me. I was disappointed of course, but looking back I'd say it was for the best.)

 

Without a doubt, it sounds like you need to end it with your bf. If all you're thinking about is that other guy, you are not being fair to your bf or to yourself.

[anxeo]

well first you shouldn't do anything like flirting or trying to find out how he feels about you while you are still in a relationship. even if you are unhappy in the one you are now, you are still with some one and that would be disrespectful since this dude cares about you so much. moving on though, it's def a sign that you are not happy in the relationship you are currently in that you are thinking about this other guy so much. even if it is complicated and you've been with your bf for half your life and he kisses the ground you walk on, the feeling is no longer mutual between you and him. it seems your just staying in the relationship out of obligation and fear of rejection from this other guy your into and fear of being alone. well i'll tell you what, if you dont make a change and pursue what makes you happy "in this case the guy you are insync with" you will stay unhappy until the day you die since it seems your bf is dead set on keeping you forever. even though you feel like there is a problem, obviously he does and is oblivious to your feelings or that there is an issue with the relationship. you should take a chance with the other guy since if you stay in your current relationship, you will be unhappy, and it will probably end badly anyway at some point down the road. again i know it's complicated and you might be sad you threw away all that time with your bf away, but it' seems you've already tried to salvage the relationship and it's not working. your not happy. it's hard to come back from that. it would kill you to always wonder "what if" what if i had gone after the guy i'm into and yet you never did.

[threadhead]

Ty for replying I'm 25 and we started dating in middle school. I know its young but being rough relationship like that for so long it really matured me and put things in perspective as far as what I want out of a future relationship. I forgot to include in my older post that "the friend" is a mutual friend to most of my family. they all love and know him and we're always unexpectedly bumping into eachother at family functions. We have also crossed paths so many times in the city its just creepy. Because I have too much time on my hands I wonder if its Coincidence or fate.

[abitbroken]

He is not your soulmate. Forget about that word. He is a guy you are attracted to and wonder "what could have been" and you wonder more because you don't think your current relationship is going awesome. For whatever reason, you guys didn't end up together. If he "took your virginity" all of those bonding hormones probably don't help matters or make you feel that you are supposed to be together and you aren't. I would focus on reconnecting with your boyfriend and making the relationship the best you can possibly make it...or break up. But learn how to be with you because you will be devastated if this dream guy doesn't return your feelings, is with someone else or isn't as wonderful as you thought. He will really be a rebound.

[threadhead]

At this point in the relationship I feel like my bf and I are just roommates. I sometimes think he can screw someone right in front of me and I wouldnt get upset or jealous. We've been stuck in a routine thats took on a life of its own Something like a loveless marriage.

[abitbroken]

If you feel that way - end the relationship or work to get the spark back. Really, if you guys don't have the goal of marrying or weren't intending moving in to be a step in the direction then you ARE roommates - separate bank accounts, separate lives but don't break up because of the other guy. Make the change because you are not happy. But make yourself happy with yourself first.

[kaibutsu]

Here's another consideration. If this man is so close to your bf, it's pretty likely that he wouldn't get together with you after you're single. That's part of the man-code unless he would be willing to trash the friendship over the whole thing.

[66307]

Something similar happened to me just now, in the case that my "ex" was like you. She told me I ruined her feelings with the mistakes "I made" during the relationship, and the "fights we have", and all blaming it on me, saying that I pushed her feelings to another guy (who was my friends from 15 years, but he never stopped sweet-talking to her).

 

I'd suggest talk to him about every issue you have, and just clear and sort things out before it's too late. Just approach the problems from a caring perspective, and tell him that you would be very happy if "this and this changes, and if you do this and this a little". Think about how much time you spend with this man, and think about why you two are like that, and convince him to make those changes and get back your romance.

 

Of course, this is my own opinion, and I might be terribly wrong...