Issues with my boyfriend please help

[Louboutin]

Okay so... I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We love each other so much and I can't picture being with anyone else in my life. So, here's the catch. He's married, but they have been separated for a few years. Neither of them wanted to take the first step and file or divorce I guess. But recently, she (his ex) which he has a kid with, wants to get back together with him. His mother has been pressuring him to get back with her also, for the kid's sake. They broke up because they were fighting alot, she did some things with his money that he works hard for that really upset him, and they just fell out of love. To me I don't think that kind of environment is good for a kid to be around but whatever. So, anyways even though I obviously STRONGLY disagree, he agreed to go to counseling meetings with her. He tells me he doesn't want to get back with her, he just wants to have closure and to be able to tell his kid that he didnt just give up.. He knows how much this hurts me and now he tells me he's torn. In the back of my mind I always saw this happening I can't deal with losing him he means SO much to me. He's always trying to please everyone else. Never puts his own self first. I just want him to be happy. To stop thinking about what everyone else wants. What his mom wants, hat his ex wants, what I want. Just find out what he wants.

 

I'm not really asking for much help on this, but if there's anything any of you can think of that I can say to him that will help him make a decision. I don't want to push him towards me or towards her. I truly just want him to be happy with whatever he decides. But I want him to hurry. I can't take much more of this.

 

Please this is serious so serious answers please and thank you for taking time out of your day to read my problem

[ToF]

He's always trying to please everyone else. Never puts his own self first. I just want him to be happy. To stop thinking about what everyone else wants. What his mom wants, hat his ex wants, what I want. Just find out what he wants.

 

I think he is showing you what he wants. At the very least, he is going to counseling to find out if being with his wife is truly what he wants. He may be a people-pleaser, but he wouldn't be doing this if there wasn't at least a part of him that wants to see things work out with his wife.

 

Think of it this way: He is actively taking steps away from you, and toward her. I'm sorry to say it, but it seems like you are much more invested in the relationship than he is.

 

I think it's time to step away.

[ut804]

you should always wait until the divorce is finalized (or in the process of getting an official divorce) before you start a relationship. i would stay away until he gets everything settled.

[Hollyj]

The fact that he has not divorced yet, says a great deal. This guy has not moved on from the relationship, and can use the excuse of not being divorced to not commit to you.

 

I agree with the UT804. In fact, I would not get involved with anyone that had not been divorced for at least three years.

[WindowTo]

There is substantial research that kids who grow up with divorced parents have a large chance of a whole host of issues. If they can manage to rebuild a good relationship for the sake of their kid then do you really want to object to this?

[livelarge]

You strongly disagree? You should strongly say, "As long as you are in counseling with your wife, don't contact me. If you are going to give counseling a try, put your whole heart into it and give it a real try. I won't be waiting for you."

 

I know it's hard. But you hanging in there while he's rebuilding his relationship with his wife is going to make you feel worse later on down the line when they get back together.