Need a bit of help please...

[jamesbond]

Hey everyone,

VERY new to this whole concept of forums cos I usually just talk through stuff with friends but hey its worth a try!

 

Please read my story and let me know what'all think.

Thanks a million.

 

 

background - im a 22 yr old student (James is my name) girl is 20 almost 21(student also-mary) - both from and living in Ireland.

 

 

I met this girl(Mary) 11 months ago. It probably started off on the wrong foot as I cheated on my then girlfriend with Mary. I'll try and keep this story as brief as I can but still include what I deem necessary.

 

After this inital time, Mary fell for me very heavily and even after realising that I had a girlfriend and indeed did cheat still was very interested. I subsequently broke up with my girlfriend as I didnt think we'd work out quite soon after meeting mary.

 

Mary and I developed a phone relationship thereby ringing and texting eachother EVERYDAY! I know over-familiarity could have taken place but luckily didnt.

 

We were at college and on a nite out I was a single man - mary was out - as far as i was concerned i wasnt getting anywhere so i moved on with the nite and scored some cheat who turned out to be in her class in front of her! I was unaware of this at the time.

 

After that nite, mary went off me big time and up until this point (last november about 1 to 1+1/2 months of knowing her) i wasnt too interested in mary. Anyway come the christmas college party i was into mary again basically cos i couldnt have her(i thought). After a bit of c.ocky+funny approach i eventually won her over on the nite and we ended up together again. That nite i asked her to start something with me. She refused saying she didnt wanna even go on a date with me insisting she didnt want to go on a date because she would start to like me again too much and didnt want a relationship.

 

I'll speed things on to april - meanwhile we're still scoring when we're out and ringing and texting but still can be with other people so there's no official relationship.

 

I was vice president of my student union. The guy who's taking over from me next year is crazy about mary. I told her this and started to get paranoid when I saw her and him flirting with eachother on many occasions in college. A few of my friends said they thought they had even scored. Mary convinced me otherwise and although my intentions were good towards her i was pure jealous at the time and made a dick out of myself on two nights out over him.

 

I made up for all the jealousy and paranoia (which i never usually have but i blame it on both the fact he was replacing me and wanted "my girl" and also my friends telling me she was with him when in fact she DEFINITELY wasnt) by buying her loads of presents and bringing her home and surprising her with all this stuff-it went down VERY well indeeed. She told me she wasnt with him and never wanted to be and i firmly believe her. We knew and still know everything about eachother.

 

Right college broke up in june and we went on our first date! Woohoo! It went fantastically well. Couldnt have gone better. We started to meet up every week after that. We had our second date (both dinner by the way). Met eachothers families all went well. We still werent officially a couple but werent with anyone else either.

 

I went up to her town and went out and had a great nite. She came down to my town and... we had a row. Up until then things have never gone better with us but this row about 6 weeks ago now has left me emailing a man i'll probably never meet looking for some desperately needed answers (no offence by the way!).

 

Basically I text and rang her during the day and the day before to see if she was deffo coming down with her friends as she didnt know for sure. She never text or rang back. I went out and evertually toward the end of the nite she arrived to the club and barely said hello to me. 1 of her best friends(they met at christmas) never really liked me which i know is an uphill battle but she crabbed mary in front of me and said something to her about me and mary just walked on. Mary told me beforehand that her friend(ciara) hated when mary left her on her own and went off with me.

 

Ok that was fine at the end of the nite i went over and spoke to them both. Ciara said to mary on the sly "wat about that guy for u-pointing to some guy near us" and mary said "uh no!". This as you can well imagine pissed me off but i let it slide. About 10 mins later I met mary and grabbed her on her own and we kissed. She immediately said she has to go outside to ciara, I said i'll be out in a minute. When i went out mary had her back facing me and ciara was looking at me - as i got closer ciara said loudly "sush sush". This made me super-paranoid.

 

I asked mary to talk to me for a second. I said "wat the hell was that about?!" she said i was only telling her i was wit u and she didnt want u to think we were talkin about ya to give u a bighead. i said why wud u bother telling her that? wasnt assummed we would have kissed? I then said something bad which i duely apologised for saying what i felt at the time "you're the most ignorant girl i've ever met because im the one who almost has to beg to meet up" and some other fueldriven rubbish. she got pissed off a tear or two and said to her friends im not taking this anymore. i apologised and i kissed her again. we havent met up since...

 

I rang her a couple of days later and we talked it out, she sent me a text message after that call reading the following:

"I do think alot of you and i want things to go back to the way they were and just see what happens"

 

After that nite i didnt know where either of us stood. i know i look bad but believe me she played me around so much that was just my breaking point. this "relationship" has been driven by control. i was in control at the start and now she is. i fatally shot myself in the foot by telling her i loved her which she never has recipricated.

 

That week I told her i'd meet up or i could go out with some old friends i hadnt seen in a while along with that same ex i cheated on. During this week i told mary i wanted to know if we'd start something. long story short she basically said to go out with my friends.

 

about 2 weeks later - just a few calls and texts everything slowed down, i rang her and told her there and then i wanted an answer on the fone were we or were we not gunna start something. she wouldnt answer me. i said right ok i had enough and i was ending it right then.

 

i rang her about a week later and we had another row cos we were supposed to meet up but she never contacted me again. it turned out she was pissed off cos i drunkingly (im irish remember!) said i checked her voicemail to see if she has listened to my messages - i NEVER checked her voiceys and was insulted by this and said its grand we're just friends basically. she said she DIDNT want a relationship now...

 

since then i rang her and tried to patch things up. I truly love this girl. the above are tiny fights in a 95% perfect semi-relationship. i know this girl really does like me very much. i'll do anything to get her back ANYTHING. right now she knows she can have me and theres no challenge in that. we were supposed to meet up as "friends" tonight but she made up an excuse of being sick (i found this out to be a lie through her mother by accident). i know if we were just officially going out things would be great and right. what can i do now? she doesnt text or ring me anymore at all. its like she is making herself move on.

 

I was talking to a VERY close friend of hers last nite in a club and she told me she hasnt been talking to mary in over a month but way back when we met she was crazy about me, never into anyone as much as me but shes not so sure now.

 

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME! believe me when i say i KNOW she still has super strong feelings for me but she and her friends are making her move on. What can i do? Hard to get? Loads of contact? What?

[Beec]

Firs tthing you need to do is stop chasing her. The more you chase, the faster she will run away.

[Clarabelle]

It might be good just to concentrate on being friends and see where that takes you. You two had a rocky beginning, middle and end, so it would probably be helpful to focus on sincerity, kindness and genuineness - a good base for whatever develops out of that.

[jamesbond]

Yeah you're both right. I'm doing my best with the whole hard2get, and staying away as in not chasing her but its extremely difficult. This is weird cos i feel like im nailing you all with my problems? Strange but good. Thanks alot