How many of you still check their Facebook (honestly)?

[RitaTrue]

Good question, OP.

 

I was actually thinking this. As I just tried to look for my ex, which was a complete fail, since I KNOW, I blocked him. Still, even though I know it wont work, I still want to see his picture: see how he is. I've googled him before, in the past, but all his pictures are old. None are current right now.

 

I did deactivate it, but when I have that immense need to know what's going on in his life, I just borrow my friend's phone and check on his profile real quick. Insane, I know. Glad to know I'm not the only psycho/stalker.

 

LOL, nope. Just like we all get a little pathetic after a break up, we all get a little like a stalker too. ...Well, if you still have feelings for them anyway.

[Thorshammer]

Block her.

It won't show you're stuck on her.

If you wait til something actually happens then block, that'll be worse.

Do it while it's still neutral.

 

Shell just think there's stuff you don't want her to see on ur FB maybe?

 

Honestly, i dont see the reason to block her. Its sort of like admitting its still getting to me. I just need to stop peeking at her page (shes not my friend, but i always search her and look at her pic). I actually have her pw, and i did get on and see through all her info, and that took considerable time to stop (and yeah I know its horrible to do that, and honestly i still dont care).

 

Facebook recently did something dumb with privacy. Sometimes your posts will go public because of these changes, thats how i saw her recent activity (i didnt break in her account).

 

I wont lie, i did put my profile pics to public so she can see my pics and remember. And recently i put up a pic of a weird looking monster that she said i looked like (she said this to be funny, i dont look like a creature, but i do make a creature face for laughs) so she can remember me happy and funny after the break-up. I came close to putting up a specific picture of a landmark that i wanted to visit with her, with the title, "i will still head there and wait"- but this is very weak, desperate, sad, and pathetic. I also mess with the infox box and make it public, i put quotes about life and other stuff. Actually all of this is pathetic, i just need willpower to stop it.

[Forget Myself]

I blocked her, deleted everything, and havn't checked since. I could care less what fool she is dating now, it's none of my business and it will only hurt me to wonder. Well actually I do wonder sometimes and it doesn't hurt me, I just think that she will always be comparing them to me so it doesn't matter. And even if she did have a change of heart I don't want that kind of person in my life anyway, I have no interest in being her friend, and she doesn't cut it relationship wise, so what's the point? just let it go.

 

However, I do have other exes that I never stopped being friends with online, well all of them except my last ex lol. I don't stalk them or check up, but sometimes we comment eachother and keep in touch a little. These girls didn't hurt me like the last one though, they are more respectable and don't need to be cut from my life for healing. My last ex is an emotion child compared to the other ones. and I thought they were all messed up. But I let myself believe something that wasn't there, it was my fault 100%.

[Danny77]

And you don't see the reason to block her?

My friend, you are not only wasting your time by what you're doing, you are preventing your healing by putting In the thought and not allowing yourself to be "her free" for a day!

 

These subtle pic changes of a thing that you both liked is so lame and we be taken as a desperate attempt at reaching out!

The whole making it so they can see your pics thing is blatent too.

 

Look, I'm 5 months in to it now, I'm no contact for 4.1/2, I did just about everything that you are supposed to do.

The biggest step in my healing was blocking her on facebook.

I stopped doing things in my life in hope that shed see or hear about it in some way!

I blocked all her friends too.

I know that people don't know when they've been blocked until they try to check you out so I would be some time before people even knew it, by then they'd think, "oh dear, something must be going on between x and y and it must be for the best".

She will think what she likes, she may think oh he's not over me?

But to be honest the pic changing and acting for a reaction is probably showing her even more that you think of her on a regular basis.

 

At least by blocking her you remain unknown to each other.

Just as a break up should be.

 

until such time as you decide to be pals again.

Which is often never, once you realize how uncompatable you really were.

 

 

Anyway, in short, block her coz although you say you don't see the point, you then went on and gave me like 3 points in your post.

[Snowy]

Honestly, i dont see the reason to block her. Its sort of like admitting its still getting to me.

 

Actually all of this is pathetic, i just need willpower to stop it.

 

Incorrect.

 

Which is more important - saving face or helping yourself move on?

 

I think helping yourself move on is.

 

Blocking doesn't make you look weak, in fact it's not suppose to send some kind of message to your ex.

 

In the past I have blocked my ex and I can tell you that was the best decision I've made after the break up. My life was made so much easier.

 

I find deactivating not as helpful because all I would need to activate my account again was to log in, whereas blocking takes a bit more effort.

[LaKings55]

I can relate. I tried to open up to someone today and they just bluntly replied with, "It's getting a bit silly now..." to which I decided I wouldn't complain to anyone ever again -_- This is the only accepting place it seems.

 

I hear 'ya, I didn't even get that far with my "best friend" who's been my "bro" since high school. I held it all in for about a week, and then we hung out. I told him I wasn't feeling so great about it, had some regrets, etc, and he who has never had a date (25 year old who has been completely absorbed in pursuing his career since high school) told me to "just get over it dude." So easy for someone to say who's never been in love. But, I stuck to NC and healed in about 6 months.

[LaKings55]

Incorrect.

 

Which is more important - saving face or helping yourself move on?

 

I think helping yourself move on is.

 

Blocking doesn't make you look weak, in fact it's not suppose to send some kind of message to your ex.

 

In the past I have blocked my ex and I can tell you that was the best decision I've made after the break up. My life was made so much easier.

 

I find deactivating not as helpful because all I would need to activate my account again was to log in, whereas blocking takes a bit more effort.

 

Right on, if you're not planning on deleting (not just deactivating) your fb, then blocking exes is the only way to fly

[vel2011]

I saw her fb yesterday, i saw something small, friending her new friends bf. For some reason i took this as them all going out and partying, which is probably accurate. I am furious with rage and its not even that serious, i cant even imagine how i would react if it was a new guy, or her drinking in a pic. I wont block her, its been a month and 2 weeks, to do it now shows I am still stuck on her, and i wont delete my page; i have family and friends on there.

 

BLEH!

 

That's what I think. First few weeks I couldn't help checking her profile. Been a month and have pulled myself away now but most of the photos added to either of our profiles in the last few profiles are with each other or people we both know. Plus if I blocked her now, it would show I am struggling to deal with it and I don't want to send that message. The problem with people who keep checking is that facebook updates won't tell you what they're doing tonight, who they're with, what they're feeling and what they're talking about! It just makes you imagine more and more scenarios that will ultimately slow doen your recovery process. Funny how the dumper checks aswell though... when my ex broke contact last week and called, she said things like 'oh that party looked fun' and 'seems you've been seeing lots of X and X'. Only pictures people have tagged on facebook could have told her that.

 

Did make me feel **** though when after calling and telling me how hard it is for her too after a month of NC, next day a status update pops up with '2 days to go...can't wait going to be such a party' about a trip with friends lined up, and I know one of the friends has been waiting in the wings to have a crack!

[SorrowandPain]

I know, right? That's why I keep coming back. My friends haven't been that supportive at all. Leave ENA for only 2 WEEKS, 2 WEEKS, and look at how many bad decisions I made. Still had the friends but not ENA.

 

Hi, I'm Tryp and I'm an ENA addict, lol.

 

I know checking was a bad choice but it actually just made me laugh that my ex needs a clone of me in his life. The text had affected me enough anyway. It's just that I would hate to think I'm the only masochist around.

 

I WILL NOT CHECK.

I WILL NOT CHECK.

I WILL NOT CHECK.

 

God—I don't even have a FB anymore, and yet it's still an issue

 

Haha my ex left me for a clone of me as well!

[Philabonia]

I de-friended her 2 weeks after the split, and only checked it once back in March (from a friends account) - she had deleted all our pics, and her new boy had replaced me in the albums. Kind of funny how your "best friend" and lover could just fill your shoes so quickly - that hurt the most. But, the guy looks like a shorter, tubbier Ricky Gervais (if possible), and simply doesn't compare to me. Now, I'm not G*d's gift to women, but I am absolutely positive I'm better than this guy. Seeing them together made me happy; she went dumpster diving!

 

Now - I never look; she's doing her own thing, they live together, and her life is not one I would recognize. But I do agree - facebook has made breaking up and moving on so much harder.

[Tryptophan]

I hear 'ya, I didn't even get that far with my "best friend" who's been my "bro" since high school. I held it all in for about a week, and then we hung out. I told him I wasn't feeling so great about it, had some regrets, etc, and he who has never had a date (25 year old who has been completely absorbed in pursuing his career since high school) told me to "just get over it dude." So easy for someone to say who's never been in love. But, I stuck to NC and healed in about 6 months.

 

Yeah people like that perplex me. I have a couple of friends that are like that, and I used to be one of them until I got my heart stomped on. I swear I hadn't had a breakup like this one before. All my other breakups were sane, with this guy I still don't even know where we stand. It's over, yeah, but he wants to be friends? And he still wants to pretend he wants to be with me? I don't even know.

 

But about facebook:

 

The problem with looking is that once you look, it's hard to stop looking. At least for me, it is. It's like he knew I was getting better so he had to go there, the * * * * ing dirtbag; he had to text me. I hate him, and I hate his stupid friend too. I hate to see that she's like an ugly clone of me. And I hate that he texted me. I'd rather look at his FB than reply though. I'll never reply to any of his stuff.

[LaKings55]

I know, all my prior break-ups worked out pretty well. We would either just fizzle out and stay in touch or just decide friendship suited us better. I guess this one just felt so much deeper to me, and both of our families liked us and vice versa. Oh well, c'est la vie. But facebook has been such a waste of time for me everytime I've made a profile. Three times now I've made a profile, added a ton of people and then deleted it, only to get convinced by someone to come back. No more. I know a lot of people talk about going to their exes' profiles and reading some of their posts, and all I can think is why doesn't anyone use the privacy settings on facebook? If your ex doesn't have you as a friend, and you can still see their wall, then anyone can see it, which will likely bite them in the a** someday when looking for a job. In my opinion, unless you seriously need facebook to stay in touch with specific people, it is a complete waste of time and an open invitation to the world to look at your private life. I get that facebook is a powerful networking tool and actually "connects" people worldwide, but it just isn't for me. Not to mention the fact that facebook stores even "deactivated" profiles in their databases. Heck, I'm sure they still have data from my deleted profile. I really miss the days when you actually had to interact with other people, and I'm only 24. Nobody cares that "Joey just bought a coke," or "Cindy just saw Brad making out with Stephanie OMG!!!" And then we wonder why younger generations lack communication and social skills.

[Thorshammer]

She would never think I am stuck with her, even though I was needy and clingy during the last few months leading to a breakup, and acted like a weak fool during the break-up, shes always known me as the guy with many options. I took her off facebook, she refused. Knowing her she would think that pic was for laughs, i never put up anything obvious, i have always been quirky and funny.

 

Plus, I have never blocked someone online. Even since the myspace days. I still watched their page and it didnt kill me. I also know i will find another woman in time, maybe several, i dont need to block her, she will be forgotten in time. And looking through his facebook actually helped in a way, it made me angry, not sad and pathetic, but angry at her and i painted an even clearer picture that i never want any contact with her.

 

But really, all i have to do is not look. I looked that day for laughs since i am on vacation with many people, and decided to check until i got angry at something small, i didnt think my day could be ruined considering the fun i was having. Its a learning experience and i realized the power it still has, so i wont look regardless of the situation. At home i wouldnt look.

[Gaffler]

She has a new guy and in a fit of anger I just *had* to see him, even though I deleted her from FB ages ago. I am way too aware of how to track people down for deactivating to ever be a viable option. So, I lost my self-control and braced myself for what I truly expected to be a horrible experience... And laughed til my sides hurt when I saw the new guy. Hes one of those scrawny club kids that wears a huge white dress shirt with the lapels hanging out over their cheap sport coat, tons of hair gel, half a foot shorter than me, and probably a buck twenty. She swore she'd never date his type again! It should have been a knife in the chest to see who she picked over me, but actually seeing the guy was a huge relief. She is making the same mistakes she always does. Sigh... I won't be checking FB if I can help it, his profile is still wide open even though hers is private. He still has pics up of him on 'the big date' with some other girl. I do NOT need to know when that changes. Just helps to see that he isn't committing to her yet, not publicly. This should have been a nightmare so for anyone considering checking the ex's new lover out, DON'T. My story is an complete oddity

[ChocoBears]

Never. I deleted him within 24 hours of breakup.