Questioning Chances

[Qualifying]

Girlfriend broke up with me 8 weeks ago and has had little communication, some has been positive, but most not so positive at least lately. We are both upper 40's together approx one year.

I do send some e-mails, however they are not replied to. However, what I am questioning is that the e-mails I send from my work are tracked and i can see how many times a particular e-mail is opened and read. Many of the e-mails are read 4,5,6 times---What would be an explanation of an ex reading these e-mails multiple times---has not moved on, unsure and still on the fence or your personal read please. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

[ToF]

Why did you two break up? Who ended it?

 

Her reasoning for reading the emails, but not responding, may have to do with the content of the emails themselves. What is it you keep trying to communicate to her?

 

It sounds like she is trying to move on. The fact that she is reading your emails a lot doesn't really matter, because she reads them over and over and STILL does not respond. That shows she is making considerable effort to move on from the breakup.

 

My advice would be to leave her alone. She knows how to get a hold of you, if she decides she wants to talk. Every time you reach out, you are pushing her further away. Not to mention, you are only making it harder for her to move on.

[Qualifying]

Loud argument a few things were said that should not have been said. She ended it by moving out. The e-mails have been nice e-mails just expressing how I really feel about her.

[ToF]

Ugh, well I'm sorry to hear it ended that way.

 

Unfortunately, I think you've done all you can do at this point. I'm not saying there's no chance of reconciliation, but I do believe that any further contact from you will only drive her away. You've said your piece, so give her time. Reconciliations, when they do happen, take a long time. Just try to relax and have some patience, and maybe she will start to miss you when you've truly been gone for a while.

[David271]

Hey man. Send the no contact letter. Go with the no contact rule. She might be having misgivings. But you need to have time to inventory yourself. Enjoy being single. Go out with the guys. Do something you enjoying doing. Start a hobby. Keep busy. Read everything you can about female emotions. When you take yourself out of contact, she will wonder what happen!! When she does call (she will), don't answer. Wait a couple of days. When you do contact her, keep the call to ten minutes. You are taking control now. She who loves the least, has control. You don't have control! As of this moment she has ALL of the control. She needs the space to clear her emotions. Go with the no contact rule. Don't push or pull. Just do the no contact rule. It will work. No contact means quit checking how many times she opens those emails. If you can do it, she can also. You are telling her you have insecurity issues and are needy. No contact means no contact in any way. No emails, no phone calls, no face book, no texting, no US Mail, no communications of any kind and no surprise visits any where on earth. Follow the no contact rule and use the time to take stock of yourself and reinvent yourself. Sending the no contact letter, she is asking herself and her girlfriends "what big decisions is making making." You are taking back control. If you don't follow the no contact rule, YOU WILL LOSE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Get with a buddy and talk to him when you have some halfbake idea to contact her.

[ToF]

I am also an advocate of dropping out of contact with an ex, but not for the purpose of getting back together. If you decide to stop talking to her, don't send a letter (you've sent plenty of those already). Just leave her alone. Do it because you want to heal, and you want to become a whole person again. That way, you will be fine no matter what the outcome is.

 

Just relax. It's okay to be open with your emotions, but it is no longer appropriate to share those emotions with her. Share them here, with friends, family, a therapist ... you get the idea. There is no need to play games with her if she does contact you again. Try not to overwhelm her with emotion, but be honest. Without honesty, there's no reason to even consider a reconciliation.

[Qualifying]

Anybody else with any Insight, please.

[Syphilis]

Hey Qualifying,

 

I would advice no contact too. You could just send her a last e mail explaining in a calm and secure way that you won't join her anymore, so you can move on in your life, that it's the best for both of you at the moment.

You need to leave her with a good feeling, then let the no contact rules make her miss you.

During that time, work on yourself and the reasons she left you. Once she'll initiate contact, she 'll see the changes (words are useless, she needs facts), and you'll be able to start reconciliation, but slowly : don't mention the relationship, only warm and pleasant subjects you both enjoy talking about : focus on what makes you closer, instead of bringing up awkwards subjects. Let her come and makes the first steps. Let her lead the discussion, at least at beginning.

She knows how you feel, she just needs space now (and you show with no contact that you're a man and respect her decision).

[mhowe]

You are looking for clues (how many times she reads the emails) when there aren't any. What you need to focus on is the tone or frequency of the contacts, which is becoming less and less. She knows how you feel. Leave it alone and move on. She will do what she will do at this point, regardless of any further iniative on your part.