Rhinog Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 My girlfriend of almost 10 months broke up with me last night. She said it was entirely a problem with her, that she didn't want a boyfriend at all for the next two years because she couldn't cope with the stress of a relationship, feeling obligated to meet up etc, when she has two years of hard work ahead to gain a degree. She's an extremely determined person and is obsessed with getting a 1st class honours, which is something I admire in her but she can take to the extreme (almost a phobia of not being the best). It has caused arguments before, but we have always resolved them and I've been trying to be more understanding. We're both in the same year of uni, and will have similar demands on our time next year. I tried to persuade her that we could work this out and only meet on her own terms, but she seemed determined to end it, because she felt it would be unfair on me and she'd feel guilty. One of the things I have found difficult is that over the past year we have been so close during the term time, seeing each other most days (which in many respects I think was too much too soon), yet in the holidays (which are ridiculously long!) we are almost an LDR and she ended it over the phone. When we last saw each other two weeks ago, we were on very good terms and had a lovely time. So I don't know how things have changed so much in these two weeks, especially not seeing her face-to-face, that she doesn't want to continue the relationship, yet when I asked if she felt this way two weeks ago, she said no, but that people change. Another exacerbating factor is that she's had a lot of stress at home recently - her mother's been unwell (and she hasn't been 100% either), and a relative passed away in the last few days (which reminded her of other bereavements in the past year). But why lose the relationship too! I'm posting on here because I was just wondering the best way to move forward. I care about her deeply, and am feeling surprisingly calm at the moment (!) but I'm not sure I feel ready to accept that all is lost. I asked her one last favour, which was that we met up in person to discuss this, and may meet up in a week's time. I want to give her space, so I'm not planning on contacting her before then & am just going to go on as normal. She wants to stay good friends. There are two things that make me wonder whether it is worth 'hanging on' in the hope of reconciling this: 1. The fact that she's broken up at a time when she's massively stressed. 2. The fact that she says I didn't do anything wrong and the problem is that she's too set on her career. I'm not sure whether to accept this as an honest answer, because I feel that there must have been something I have done to make her decide that that was the case & I know I've been far from a perfect boyfriend (but who is? I've tried my best...) Am I deluded thinking that we could get back together and make this work? Should I meet her in person in a week's time? Could it just be a rash decision because she is overwhelmed with stress? I'd love to think that I could help her through uni, to cope with the stress of it all, rather than being an additional burden. But perhaps she's made up her mind. I don't want to end up clinging on for months (or even more) in a vain hope of getting together, but at the same time I don't feel quite ready to accept that all is lost. I would really appreciate any advice & thanks for your time reading this Link to comment
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