PrettyGood Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 So NC day 2. Basically did nothing important. I returned from work, made a lot of food and ate it all day long. Also I was watching TV, playing computer. I was so lazy and relaxing that I even didn't turn on any chat to talk to my friends or to read some intelligent book how not to hang out with losers Oh, I'd better done that! In the 1st part of the day I put my mobile phone as far as possible with muted sound. I thought if I don't hear any sound, then it's a good excuse for me not to run to check if someone wrote me. I left it as it was and checked my phone only one time in 2-3 hours. The 2nd part of the day was harder. I understood that I didn't get any messages from him (that means that inside I was still waiting and it's bad) I put the mobile phone next to me, turned the sound on and began checking it every 30 minutes. Like it would be some magical ritual making him to change. Finally in the end of the evening I made a mistake. We didn't break-up. We even wasn't an official couple just secret FWB. I knew that I left him waiting for my answer after I had asked him to give me time and space (approx. 2 weeks) to think about everything. But it was only the 2nd day and I wrote him asking if it's ok for him to remain "just friends" without any benefits. I knew it was a stupid suggestion. Maybe it was more playing with my naive dreams thinking that he would not agree and wish to be my BF. But it didn't happened. He replied after 2-3 hours with "Yes". And I wrote a 2nd message asking him not to talk about his "feelings" anymore. I wrote "you presented me in public as friend, so here you have a friend. Without any benefits. Isn't it all you wanted?". He replied in 2 hours again with " " It made me angry. Very angry! It showed that he's really not that into me! He didn't care in 2 days to write me anything, I don't know what was he doing and now I felt like some idiot asking him to be "just a friend"? Omg, I'd better be nothing at all, because he replied in 1 word or symbol. He didn't care! I didn't invited him to FB back. I think it's his job to show me attention, but if talking in general - now I even don't know if I would like to contact him any more. I mean being "just friends" doesn't match my wishes. So I think after this huge mistake writing him - I will continue keeping my NC plan, not write him anything. Because it's not "getting back together plan". It's NC plan!!! Link to comment
1m50L0nl3y Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I agree that you shouldn't write anything more to him. Just let it go for once and for all... Link to comment
hausser Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Take each day as it comes, after three weeks it gets easier. Link to comment
sharonhy Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 So I'm one day ahead of you in NC. I think you are doing great! Gotta encourage myself to keep my NC too. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm REALLY HONESTLY trying to do my best for myself Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 This guy obviously doesn't give a .... about you and most likely never did despite all he had said to keep you tagging along. I don't think there is any point in chasing after someone like this. I mean what would make you chase after someone who uses you in such a way? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 what would make you chase after someone who uses you in such a way? Honestly? Silly and naive hope that he will start looking at me seriously. But it's a very TINY TINY hope. Almost an illusion. So I just decided to keep him in my contacts (after he requested to be my friend for the 2nd time after I removed him). Hmmm... and the part of my plan is still NOT to contact him in any way. ANY! I mean - not to comment his posts, not to comment his wall, not write him sms messages, not call, NOTHING. And if I meet him accidentally, then I will just be friendly, but not too much. I'm trying to grow myself to a new person. Ps, somehow I think that he sent a friend request just because he wants to observe what's happening in my life, if I found someone or not, what I'm doing and so on. When he's not in my friendlist, he doesn't see all of this. It's like chasing or some kind of addictive observation of others people life. I don't care. I won't write him. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I kept my ex's number..... I think it may have been some sort of weird sentimental reason. You know what happened? I ended up calling her when I could not hold on to the pent up anger which came from the hurt and sadness endured when she just up and left to apparently start a fresh. Which did not happen. Whats the reason you are keeping his number if you are certain you not going to call him? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Because I agreed him to remain my friend without any benefits this time. And see where it leads. I don't write him anything. There's no inner wish to do that. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I can't see any reason why you would want to see where things go after he used you the way he did but hey, my reason wasn't much better. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I can't see any reason why you would want to see where things go after he used you the way he did but hey, my reason wasn't much better. Well my reason is I do it because I won't hurt this time. I don't take anything personally, I don't have any more illusions about him, I don't want to contact him. All I do is observe - what will he do when he will see that I'm not contacting him as usual. I can't say I'm waiting for it, I just know it will happen. And well, I will not risk my self-esteem, confidence or self-respect if he does something I don't like. I'm just NOT going to tolerate it. He was kicked out of FB once, he didn't wanted to lose me. He said that when we were talking the last time. We were standing next to each other - he stoke my hand and I didn't reacted to it. So he said "I just don't really want to lose you, you know". And even then, I didn't accepted him to my FB friends. I needed time to give myself to think about everything - how to think, how to behave, how to act and how NOT to humiliate myself any more. So here I am. TRYING from the bottom of my heart. I don't have any secret wishes to get back with him. If it happens, I imagine it should happen by his initiative and just because he would care. Until then I'm going to live my life and not stay in one place waiting. Link to comment
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