Zebrelle Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I have an anxiety attack again... Someone help me. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I didn't expect him to react this way to my letter. I didn't expect things to turn out this way. This is so not how I imagined it would have been. I guess I was expecting three possibilities: 1) He doesn't answer 2) He tells me he understands if I don't want to see him again because he doesn't feel the same, but that he'll still be there if I still want to see him eventually. 3) He reassures me that he really wants to work things out, but slowly. It was neither of them. Instead, he didn't know what to answer me because he didn't understand my reaction. He got upset because I got upset he hadn't answered me 3 days later. And then I got upset again that he didn't reply to me when I offered to discuss this face to face. This is just not how I expected things to turn out. I know he is not ready for a relationship, but I thought if he somehow cared about me a little bit like he seemed to at the beginning, he would have quickly given me a sign. If we were going to stay friends, wasn't it the least he could have do for me, to listen to my concerns and my pain? It's not like nothing happened between us. He asked me to be his girlfriend. We were together for a few days and I was really starting to falling for him. It was hard for me to pretend I was okay and to give up on something that I was so looking forward to. I know I acted impulsively, but I'm not perfect and I don't think it should have been bad to the point where he wouldn't take the time to answer me... because I doubt he is perfect and has never done anything wrong either. It's not fair that I just wasn't allowed to do any mistakes with him. It's just not. I could have left that time we made love and he stopped randomely in the middle of things to tell me "You piss me off! I didn't think I would meet someone that fast." and that he wanted to cry because he started thinking about his ex and the things she had done to him. I stayed there with him. I listened to him. He said: "I can't believe you're still there. I can't believe you're listening to me. But thanks because that's what I need." I wonder why I stayed there, but I did. It's not one of his best move, but I really cared about him. So, I stayed. He has not done that for me and, in my opinion, what I did is not as bad as what he did. Sorry, I'm venting. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Zebrelle, you'd known him only 3 weeks when you originally wrote this... so I think a lot of your problem here is getting too serious too soon and haveing too many expectations. At 3 weeks, you just don't know the guy... he could be a big liar, a cheater, a nut, or a nice guy, a wonderful person etc etc. The reality is that at 3 weeks you just don't know and have no real way of knowing because you haven't had time to really experience what he is about. A guy asking you to be his GF may be nothing more than a come-on to get you into the sack quicker... and obviously you had sex with him really soon and fell for it. Nothing wrong with having sex early on if you enjoy that BUT you shouldn't take a relative strangers word on it that they mean what they say because you just don't know whether he is sincere and a good guy or not. So you need to start trusting actions more than words, and take your time getting to know someone before you throw you heart into it and start expecting a lot from the guy, regardless of what he tells you. It sounds like all along he didn't want a serious GF, but he did want to have sex with you. So he said the right words, then you started expecting him to act like a long time BF when really you'd just met and he really wasn't all that interested in a steady GF, just dating around and having some fun sex. So next time don't get too involved too soon, and have the realistic expectation that it takes a long time to get to know someone and to really be able to trust them and trust what they tell you. Just slow down, take your time, and if a guy is a good guy who cares about you, he'll stick around. If he just wants casual sex and no real commitments, he won't. So take this as a lesson learned to not take it so seriously so soon in future, regardless of what words the guy says because you need time to figure out whether what he says lines up with what he does. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 It's true that things went fast and that, perhaps, we got intimate too early. However, we had sex BEFORE he asked me to be his girlfriend. Plus, I didn't chase him that much. In the beginning, he was the one doing the chasing. He called me. He invited me over. He wanted to see me. He told me his feelings for me. Only when I was sure he really wanted to be with me, that's when I opened my heart to him. Even then... When he told me he wasn't ready, I pretended to be okay with the situation and I did not contact him for days to give him the space he needed. Since we last saw each other August 10, I had contacted him only once. (After 5 days) He contacted me later on and disappeared again and I couldn't handle it anymore. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 I just want to give an update. There isn't much to say. I haven't heard from him since I deleted him from Facebook. I haven't talked to him and he hasn't talked to me. I still have ups and downs, but there are more ups than downs at this point. I still sometimes regret how things ended and still sometimes feel it's my fault, but I usually rationalize and come back to my senses afterward. Perhaps eventually he will contact me again. In the meantime, I guess it just tells me that I wasn't that important to him and that I did the right thing. Otherwise, I would have heard from him by now. On the other hand, I have a date tomorrow night and I'm actually kind of excited about it. We'll see how it goes. I'm starting to move on, but will keep this experience in my mind in hopes of not reproducing the same mistakes. Thanks again everyone! Link to comment
Deciduous Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 It sounds like all along he didn't want a serious GF, but he did want to have sex with you. So he said the right words, then you started expecting him to act like a long time BF when really you'd just met and he really wasn't all that interested in a steady GF, just dating around and having some fun sex. I see no sign of that. I do see a man who pushed forward too quickly to dodge his own heartbreak and realised that he was in far too much pain and bitterness to offer any-one a retionship. He was still in the trauma. He had nothing to give. His actions were an ill-advised stab at moving forward. Very foolish and hurtful for any-one crossing his path. Yet how was Zebrelle to know? He comes on hot and heavy as all rebounders, then fades away when unhealed pain resurfaces. This would have happened with any-one he met now. The long ruminations about his Ex, signal tht there are a lot of unhealed issues. I truly hope that this whole situation does not scare you off in the future, to the point that you refuse to trust others. Yes you will recognise the signs of an unhealed rebounder and act earlier. But there are enough honest, open and people who are ready for a full relationship, to make it worth healing your own pain and opening up in future. Deci Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 I must admit I am scared that it will happen again. As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I've been single for 3 years. I have a met a lot of people since then. I wasn't too hard on myself at first. I do think I have a been quite unlucky. But I also think it probably happened because I, myself, wasn't fully ready either at the time. However, when I met him, I know I was ready. There was no question in my mind. It was actually the first time in a long time that something felt so natural. I thought I finally got lucky, but I was wrong... AGAIN! So, of course, I'm afraid it will happen again. I'm afraid it's the kind of thing that will always happen. I have to say I am quite discouraged. I try to stay optimistic, but it's hard. In 30 minutes, I will meet my date and I must admit it really scares me. It stresses the hell out of me because, for some reasons, it makes me think even more about this other guy. I feel like crap right now. And I don't want to feel like that. I want to enjoy this date. Hopefully I will. Hopefully life will surprise me yet again. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 I just came back from my date and I don't feel better. I feel worse. I'm so depress. I hate life. I don't understand why life gave me the man of my dream to only take it back a few days later. I don't understand. What's the point? I'm tired of this pain. I'm tired of things always ending up this way. I was so happy. It's unfair!!! I just feel like contacting him again right now. I just feel like telling him I miss him and that I'm sorry for overreacting. But I know I will regret it. Someone please bring me back to my senses. I just don't see the light. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Is it normal that I still have doubts after all this time? Is it normal that I still think we should have tried to stay friends and perhaps things would have changed/feelings would have developed on his side? I just keep coming back to these thoughts... Link to comment
Janeiac Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Zebrelle, the guy is a player. He seduced you. He fooled you. He is NOT the man of your dreams. Let it go, and put it behind you. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 You are right. I don't know why I keep thinking about him. I woke up last Saturday morning at 6:30 AM with a headache. Shortly after, my dad was brought to the hospital because of his heart. He is still there and will not get out until he gets a surgery some time next week. X started school last week to become a nurse and it spending time at the hospital just makes me think more about him. I think I tend to idealize him a little too much and that's the problem. In my head, if he wants to become a nurse to help people, he must be a nice person. And if he is a nice a person, I feel like I'm loosing someone special. But I should realize that he could still be a player even though he wants to help people. I think I'm still lacking self confidence. After 3 years, I thought I was okay... but I guess I didn't realize it was that bad until I met someone I really was interested in. I just need to work on that. Link to comment
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