Zebrelle Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 I miss him so much... and it hurts me that he obliviously doesn't miss me as much. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Oh mate, I know, it hurts and it hurts and it hurts Hang it there. Hug. Deci Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 I think I've reach my limit... I can't deal with the fact that he obviously doesn't care about me. I can't deal with the fact that he can go on for days or weeks without contacting me. I can't deal with the fact that he is not willing to make any efforts. I have always told myself I would NEVER go back to how it used to be with my ex. I used to be the one making all the efforts and initiating contact. I do not want that anymore and I promised myself I would never go back there. So... I'm done. I'm sorry, but I just can't take it anymore. There is no way we can maintain some sort of connection if there is no contact. I prefer being alone than being with someone who doesn't care about me. I realize now that I probably shouldn't have sent him that message the other day. I just want to erase him from my memory. I'm starting to heal and to feel better. By the time he comes back next week and at that rate, he'll probably be part of the past for me. I guess it's a good thing. I hope he regrets this because that's exactly what he deserves... Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 It pisses me off that he puts "Like" on my Facebook statuses instead of sending me a private message. What's the point? What the hell is that? Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 I went on Facebook and saw that he was online. I started typing something and he went offline. It's possible that he didn't see me, but this was the last straw for me. I've had enough. I don't care how he made me feel. It's broken now. I don't want to see him ever again. That's it. And I really want to delete him from my Facebook as well. I don't need someone like that in my life. He doesn't even want me in his life either. I'm not hurt anymore. I'm not sad anymore. I'm just mad and annoyed by all of this and I want to be done with it. He has 4 different ways of contacting me and he doesn't use them. He had his chance... I would like to thank all of you for your support. I don't have a lot of people to talk to. So, your help was much appreciated. Thanks to all of you. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Hello Zebrelle, It was a crap way for things to die off. He could have had the graciousness to end things on a respectful note. Tosser! You take care Deci Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 Wow, what a night... I'm more confused then ever. He sent me a text last night on my cell phone. He said his flight went well and told me about his trip so far. At the end of his message, he said to log on Facebook so we can chat a little bit. I was like... We talked for about 2 hours. There are some things he told me and I was like: "What? Where did that come from?" At some point, I said something and I really didn't expect that answer... Me: You're so lucky you did a road trip. I might actually do one in September. Him: Cool! Alone? Me: I'm not sure yet. Probably not. I wanted to do one this weekend with someone, but plans changed. Him: Ah Me: It's been awhile since I did one and, because you mentioned doing one the other day, I really want to do one now. Him: Ahaha, yes! I proposed to reschedule it. But now you are already planning one with someone else. LOL! I was like... What is that supposed to mean? I also told him I never looked at the pictures he has on his Facebook. I said I thought he didn't have a lot of pictures. He replied that he did a clean up. I asked: "Why?" He said he removed all the pictures with his ex on it. I was like... hum... I wasn't sure it if was good or bad. Anyhow, later on, I mentioned the road trip again. I asked him if he was serious and if he still wanted to do a road trip with me. He said yes. I said: "Ok, because I still want to do one with you." He said: "You better!!!" I said that he wouldn't have as much time with school. He said he would still have his weekends. He also asked me if I had my passport. I said no. He replied that it doesn't matter, that we can still do a mini road trip and go not too far for now. And, then, when the time to go to bed came, we both didn't want to disconnect. He told me good night and then started talking to me about a place he will visit on Sunday. I think we said goodnight 10 times. Each time, he said: "Goodnight beauty! xox" We also talked on the Webcam. He said at some point: "I would prefer having you in front of me." Honestly, I don't know what to think of all this right now. I still want to be careful. I still don't know what his intentions are. And I don't know why he randomly asked me to go on Facebook so we can chat. I was so pissed last night. I posted on my Facebook: "I've reached my limit..." And he kept asking me what I was referring to. I never answered him. He said: "It's okay if you don't want to tell me." I'm confused!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 I think you're both playing games - you by posting a cryptic message on Facebook to see how he would react (that's the impression it gave me) and you are playing games with yourself by agreeing to chat with him for two hours and permitting yourself to get attached again (or more attached). And you chose not to ask him directly what his intentions are which is also playing a game with yourself because you probably are worried that the answer will not be what you want to hear but instead you're choosing to be "confused". All you needed to do was a simple "before we chat further, what are your intentions towards me and about us?" If he wanted to be in a serious relationship with you he would have been enthusiastic about making it very clear what he wanted. Why didn't you ask? Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 I think you're both playing games - you by posting a cryptic message on Facebook to see how he would react (that's the impression it gave me) and you are playing games with yourself by agreeing to chat with him for two hours and permitting yourself to get attached again (or more attached). And you chose not to ask him directly what his intentions are which is also playing a game with yourself because you probably are worried that the answer will not be what you want to hear but instead you're choosing to be "confused". All you needed to do was a simple "before we chat further, what are your intentions towards me and about us?" If he wanted to be in a serious relationship with you he would have been enthusiastic about making it very clear what he wanted. Why didn't you ask? Because, you are right, I'm afraid of the answer. Plus, for some reason, I don't want to pressure him. I tend to be impulsive. I did a lot of mistakes in the past because of that and I don't want to do them again. The problem is I'm probably on the other extreme of the scale right now where I'm too open and too nice. I feel kind of pathetic, but I just couldn't bring myself to ignore him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Because, you are right, I'm afraid of the answer. Plus, for some reason, I don't want to pressure him. I tend to be impulsive. I did a lot of mistakes in the past because of that and I don't want to do them again. The problem is I'm probably on the other extreme of the scale right now where I'm too open and too nice. I feel kind of pathetic, but I just couldn't bring myself to ignore him. I don't think it's nice to behave the way you did but it is passive and reflects insecurity -not a crime of course - we all go through that -but it's certainly not "nice" because it's not your honest self. If you like living impulsively as you describe it then you have to be willing to accept the consequences of that choice. I don't think it is pressure to ask someone where you stand with them and if it is, then you have your answer already! Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 I don't think it's nice to behave the way you did but it is passive and reflects insecurity -not a crime of course - we all go through that -but it's certainly not "nice" because it's not your honest self. If you like living impulsively as you describe it then you have to be willing to accept the consequences of that choice. I don't think it is pressure to ask someone where you stand with them and if it is, then you have your answer already! Would it not be better to wait until he comes back from his trip to discuss the issue? I mean... What do you all think of the fact that he asked me to log on Facebook to chat with him last night? Does it look like he's playing a game? It almost seems to me like he doesn't realize what the hell he's doing... I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to tell him on Facebook or in an e-mail. Link to comment
tygerwolf Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Wow girl, all this updated stuff is confusing... Whats the longest that he has ever gone without contacting you? I would make two weeks or more my breaking point. No one is just THAT busy. But I think your still handling it well. Its hard to tell from a distance since hes been on this trip. I guess at this point I would say, enjoy what you have. Dont expect much and stay weary. Its very possible that he will keep you around, but for what? Dont daydream about sweet nothings like I have found myself doing lol. Take the relationship for what it is. Dont pressure a title or official label. See where it goes. But if you find yourself consistently unhappy with the arrangement, i'd say: drop it. No expectations or attachments until you know for sure where he stands. I think you have a very strong sense of self worth. I dont think you'll have a problem letting him go if things go downhill. I think you'll be just fine. Best of luck! Im glad hes paying some much needed attention to you. You certainly deserve it after sticking though all the ups and downs! Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 Ok, more development... I saw he was online tonight. I started talking to him. I said I didn't want to bother him, that I just wanted to say hi and see how he was. He said I never bother him. So, we talked for awhile. He said be bought a hat today. He said he was going to post for pictures tomorrow and that I was going to laugh when I see them. I said: "You probably bought a lot of souvenirs." He said: "A shirt, a jacket, a hat and a few other things. I also bought a few things for my family and my friends... and for you, of course! " I said: "Me? Ahaha! How come?" He said: "Because I appreciate you! " I wasn't expecting that. I was hoping for it, but not expecting it. It's a good sign, no??? He said he thought about me when he saw it today. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Thanks, Tygerwolf! You're right. If it has to come down to letting him go, I will do it without any hesitations. I just don't want to throw everything away if I know there is somehow a slight chance. If he hadn't contacted me last night, it would have been over. He gave me a sign and made some efforts and that's all I wanted... for now. Until I know for sure what he wants from me and from us, I will not expect anything from him. I'll maintain a certain distance emotionally. I already started maintaining this distance this week. I'm at a point where I'm pretty numb and where whatever happens, happens. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I think you should wait until you can have a phone conversation (and the conversation should be 3 minutes or less of chit chat and then "I wanted to talk to you to ask you what your intentions are about us") and until that time you should not chat with him -it will give you an excuse to feel "confused" about his intentions and make you feel more attached emotionally despite you saying you are "numb". Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 I think you should wait until you can have a phone conversation (and the conversation should be 3 minutes or less of chit chat and then "I wanted to talk to you to ask you what your intentions are about us") and until that time you should not chat with him -it will give you an excuse to feel "confused" about his intentions and make you feel more attached emotionally despite you saying you are "numb". Well, I haven't heard from him since we last talked Saturday night. He hasn't updated his Facebook since then either. He told me he couldn't connect to Internet his cell phone anymore last we talked. He said he would upload some photos as soon as it's back up, but nothing since then. He could use his brother's computer. That's what he did to talk to me Saturday. Anyhow, I'm not really surprised I haven't heard from him. I'm getting used to it by now. I'm just wondering if I should see him again if he contacts me when he gets back from his trip... Is it really worth it? I'm tired of this absurd situation. You either care or you don't. There's no in between. There's no "it can change with time". It doesn't make sense. Why the hell does he ask me to come and talk to him on Facebook, mention that he still wants to do a road trip and buy me a gift/souvenir, but then disappear again for days? Just why? What's the point of doing that? I don't understand? Is he doing that on purpose? I'm emotionally exhausted. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Ok, so... I just noticed he changed his profile picture 2 hours ago on Facebook. I was there at that time. I didn't see him. Ok, whatever... He has the time to change his picture, but not say hi to me. Ok, sure... Link to comment
tygerwolf Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I wouldn't sweat it since hes still on that trip. Distance and lack of communication can open the doors to a lot of why's and what if's. Just take it for what it is and see him when he gets back. And see how things go. In the meantime try not to over-analyze things. I know im horribly guilty of doing it myself. It never helps much im afraid.... If there continues to be more of this when you two are able to be together, thats when you should begin question his intentions and reasoning. If he still does this push and pull bull * * * * with you when he gets back I would just let it go. Its not worth the stress. But give it time. Maybe things will turn around for the better. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Honestly, I don't know anymore... Things will not get better when he comes back. He starts school next week. He'll have even less time. His schedule will be 1:00 PM to 9:00 PM every day. I don't see how he could have more time for me at that point. It pisses me off that he registered on a dating Website when he obviously knew he didn't have the time for anyone. He knew he had a trip and wouldn't be here for awhile. He knew he was starting school and his schedule would be odd. He knew he simply wouldn't have the time. So, what's the point? He's just a selfish ass. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Zebrelle, this behaviour is stereotypical of guys who have a "seduction community" mentality: They feed a womam little bits of affection, then back off, repeatedly. His actions aren't consistent with his words, and that's a big red flag with alarms sounding. Did he de-activate his online dating profile after his supposed "big revelation" that he's not ready for a relationship? Did he take the profile down after asking you to be his girlfriend? He hasn't followed through, he keeps you unbalanced and confused with the "you piss me off" in between kisses-- that's classic player stuff. There are men's websites that tell guys to do this, to keep women around for sex but to avoid commitment. Maybe he isn't one of those guys, but look at the way he makes you feel. Is it good? Do you want more of this? Walk away. If he is sincere he'll chase you. If he isn't you are better off. Please take care of yourself. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Thank you for your time, Janeiac. The last two weeks were really difficult for me, but I think I have come a long way. I think I'm ready to tell him I don't want to see him anymore. I think I'm at that point. I wasn't fully ready at the beginning of the week, but it's been so long since I last saw him. There is just no point in seeing him again. He didn't even contact me and he came back from his trip today... I think it's clear I should move on. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Ok, I wrote something to him. I didn't send it yet. I would really appreciate opinions before I do so. PS: English is not my main language. I apologize for mistakes. The two last weeks have proved to be a long process and a long journey for me. I felt the whole range of emotions. I don’t think you can even imagine how difficult it was for me. I asked myself lots of questions. I wondered how far I was ready to go to keep you. I was willing to only be a friend. I was willing to let things go with the flow. I was willing to take things slowly. I was willing to have no expectations. I thought it would have been easy, but it’s not. I want to spend time with you. I want to see you and talk to you. I miss you terribly and it hurts me that the feeling is not mutual. It hurts me that you are able to not see for two weeks. It hurts me that you are able to not contact me for days. It’s been a long time since I last saw you. I wonder if it is really wise to see each other again. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I know things will still be the same. I think it’s safe to say that if you don’t want me now, you won’t want me more later on. If I was important, you wouldn’t be able to spend two weeks without seeing me. If I was important, you wouldn’t be able to spend days without contacting me. There is no excuse. Nobody can be that busy. If you don’t have time for me now, you won’t have it later either. It’ll be worse since you start school next week. I was ready to overcome the obstacles and to make some efforts to be with you, but it’s obviously not the case for you. I was ready to take my time with you and to let things go with the flow, but nothing can develop between us if we spend weeks without seeing each other. So, what’s the point? It hurts me to imagine not seeing you ever again. I can’t even conceive it. I sincerely believed I had found the person I was always looking for in you. We have so much in common. We are so alike. I wanted to keep you in my life, even if it meant only being your friend. But I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to not hope. I can’t bring myself to not be disappointed when I look at my cell phone and I don’t have any new messages. I can’t open my heart to someone else as long as it’s opened to you. I didn’t want to tell you how I felt because I was afraid to go back to where I was, which means being alone. I was afraid to lose what took me so long to find and that I finally found with you. I was afraid to never find again what I found with you. I also didn’t want to ruin my chances with you. I wanted to see what would happen after some time. But I realize nothing has changed. I always said I wasn’t in a hurry to find the right person for me. I always said I didn’t want to be with someone just to be with someone. I took me a lot of courage to tell you all this because I am terribly afraid to do a big mistake, but I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I have to think about me and that's finally what I decided to do. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I just want to add that I know it will be over if I send him that. I just know. It's really hard for me because I still had hopes and I still thought I would have seen him again. And I probably still have a chance to see him if I don't say anything, but I'm ready destroy it. Link to comment
MCXFactor Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Check with the mentality first. Help to get some things straightened out. Then you can possibly venture it again. Link to comment
Zebrelle Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I sent him my message last night. I didn't check if he responded. I'm not necessarily expecting an answer. I just feel better to finally have said how I really felt. I shouldn't be afraid of doing so. If he really cares, he will come back. If not, then I'm fine with it as well. I just wanted some closure. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.