How to heal yourself with love and gratitude in your heart

[ZenPhoenix]

Hi ZP,

 

The practice itself should not lead to negativity, because you're focused on what you love and are grateful for now, the present moment. (Please do not include your ex as a subject of your love affirmations!)

DD

 

LOL, THAT, my friend has been the rub, because IAM genuinely grateful for the time in my life that she and I shared and I am also grateful of the spiritual path that she helped me embark upon a hear and a half ago. That said, I will certainly make a better effort to be cognizant of steering clear of the source of my pain. Interestingly enough, I do practice some Buddhist ways, and have found them helpful and healing for the day to day stuff. What I was so surprised of was how this loss shook me to my core and PAST the control I was able to exercise through what I learned in my studies. It is certainly grist for the mill, and I will be finding copies of Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings to read and meditate on as well.

 

Again DD...thank you.

 

PS - Your thread "How do you positively let go of your ex? " is now bookmarked for quick access (almost like "In Case of Emergency Break Glass"

[Kibit]

I have read every single post on this thread. I've watched the videos that have been posted, along with the other information posted here. It's courageous that folks can post their pain, relive it, find meaning, find hope, in communicating and sharing utilizing this form.

 

Just in the simple act of reading, being open-minded, and somewhat 'detached' from it all takes me out of my own self-absorption. I just want to thank all who have posted here. While some have received comfort in their own self improvement thru meditation, books, their power of positive mental thinking, just reading through this entire forum in some strange way has helped me tremendously, without uttering a word of 'thank yous" or "love yous" to myself.

 

Thanks folks!

[dabbledave]

Consider this first quote in depth.

 

If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.

 

Would time apart and an extended period of no contact make you reconsider what you feel for him/her? Practically all of the experienced posters on this forum would say it would indeed make you feel differently about him/her and the relationship you had together.

 

Your emotions are raw right now; like those of a child who has dropped his/her ice cream. Your inner child is kicking and screaming. And it hurts in the chest and the guts as if there really is a little person throwing a tantrum within you.

 

If after a period of honest reflection and comforting your inner child what you really feel is true love and not just a damaged ego, and you are determined to stay in contact with your ex for the purposes of reconciliation, are you prepared to handle something you don't want to see or hear?

 

When we come into contact with the other person, our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if that person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We practice in this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person being lovable.

 

What if you had the chance to get back together?

 

Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side.

 

Are you capable of doing this? Would you do this if you had the chance to reconcile with your ex? Is your ex capable of doing this? Would your ex do this if s/he wanted to reconcile with you? If one or both of you cannot nor would not do this, successful reconciliation for the long term probably isn't going to happen, because:

 

In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.

 

The good news is that you can work to increase your own capacity and willingness to be mindful of another person's suffering so as to be better relationship material in the future; be that with your ex or with someone else.

 

We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.

 

But you do have to be mindful of your own suffering first! You have to love and understand yourself first! Do you love yourself? Do you really understand yourself? Do you appreciate all the good things in your life RIGHT NOW!?

 

Perhaps if you loved and understood yourself more fully, and you better appreciated your life and circumstances, you would reconsider your need, want, and desire for reconciliation with this other person.

 

Use the time apart from your ex to appreciate, love, understand, and heal yourself.

 

Take good care of the present moment.

 

DD

[Carus]

Good post DD* ~ I may come back and add further comment, but for now it's good to see you moving forward*

 

Respect and Regards

Carus* 8-)